um.....wow this is an interesting piece.........i really don know how to respond to it....def like a mini story as was said.....

this is....well....wow

interesting parts:
that youve got a crappy life
or that you just got divorced
from your 5th wife
and she took the house
and the kids
and now there both bastards
why dont you do yourself
a favor
skip the child support and
get yourself a stairmaster
YOU'LL NEVER BE ANYTHING
YOU LITTLE FAGGOT GO SING A SONG
MY LIFE MAY SUCK BUT YOUR'E NOT GONNA LIVE THIS LONG
your probly right, me living that longs not likely
but the way you turned out it
looks like somebody up there likes me
SMART ASS KID
TAKE OFF THAT UNIFORM AND PUT ON A DRESS


lol there were many parts of this that acctually had me crackin up...fun drop man wish i could read more like it

different but clean,i little long but never tha less good,it was a lil sketchy at first to but you got over that quick,nice piece,keep elevatin and spittin~1~

Sup 2%..
I dont think I've read anything from you before but I was really feelin this..Never read anything like it before..I liked how you were able to switch back and forth in the dialogue without making it confusing, also the structure, I thought, added emphasis to certain lines, rather than having it all bunched together in one paragraph..I also liked the whole baseball theme, how it was touched on literally and metaphorically in the beginning, middle, and end of the poem.
I thought this showed mad creativity and abilty on your part, and
I look forward to reading more from you.
Nice work.
Pz.

wow praise from the queen
*bows* (lol)
but seriously, thanks a lot
for the in depth feedback
It means a lot coming from you
I'm glad you enjoyed it
and I'll keep on writing
if you keep reading
Peace

It was once said, that it is better to remain silent and be thought a fool, than to speak and remove all doubt. Im thinking you could benefit from that advice nypdemon.

__________________

^word

If you got feedback, Id like to hear it, THX

nice piece, I was feeling it...
you could feel the desperation and the thought just running thru your head...
this was not a played out theme, nice shit dawg.
keep droppin
peace

and thats the ballgame?

that was off the hook...i loved that story..the fiisher was crazy...it was pretty funny as well at parts...i liked the word play some parts pretty simple but the you structured it all it seemd good,,,all in all great art right there...keep it up

__________________
Open Mics
The Weathers Art
http://www.rapbattles.com/forum/showthread.php?t=108673
My Teenage Eyes
http://www.rapbattles.com/forum/sho...threadid=104850
Secluded
http://www.rapbattles.com/forum/sho...851#post1148851
Open Your Eyes
http://www.rapbattles.com/forum/sho...461#post1157461

thanks for the compliments rule, split-eyes and tourniquet
*thinks to self*
hmmmmm, maybe this should be nominated for RB legends

dat wuz pretty good... style wuz unique which i liked da best... u also switched back and forth from characters which made it interesting... i liked how u went back to baseball at da end... nice...
me is in team... not dat great.... but ok....
overall reaal nice style and everything...
aND DaTS... Da BaLLGaME...

^thanks for the comments
this actually did get nominated for RB Legends
but I don't think it's gonna get in
cuz it's all bout who ya know
oh well, upp'n fo' tha last time!