Phenom | Kingz | Dabatos | TonySelf | Tha Q | Half Breed | Tito | 7th End | RV Radio |
03-12-03, 07:40 PM | #1 | ||||||
Guest
|
Red Brick Road (pt. 2)
IP: 8A90 9F29
But is he there to destroy her, only time will tell…
What if Dorothy took the red brick road? If she didn’t have lacking friends to bare the load? If that house from Kansas fell on a good witch… Would her journey to Oz, make a big switch? Though he was quiet there was a sense of mystery Not afraid to show who he is, if she was listening So they walked, hand in hand, through her quest Walking so quickly; she could barely keep her breath Then she started to feel, she couldn’t keep his pace He sensed this somehow, and left her in this place. Now she was alone again and then began to realize This world wasn’t what it seemed, just a disguise. Once again she was confronted; a choice in her path Once again, she must choose and survive the aftermath What if Dorothy took the red brick road? If she didn’t have lacking friends to bare the load? If that house from Kansas fell on a good witch… Would her journey to Oz, make a big switch? Could she count once more on a man to lead the way? Or would he break her again, only lead her to dismay? The answer was unknown; she decided to take the risk And board once again on an undoubtedly sinking ship Not long before she was wondering, walking alone. Merely hoping to make it to Oz, and then safely home She found herself in a field of roses, so white and so pure Suddenly there he was holding a rose, and maybe the cure Pretty little Dorothy, alone and scared, what was she to do? Maybe he was right, maybe he would grant her heart anew |
||||||
03-12-03, 08:13 PM | #2 | |||||||
Special Ghost To Blow
|
IP: 6D5B 8735
tha title made me not wanna read it think it was jusft somethin stupid but i gave it a chance and you actually put some thought into this piece..i didnt like your hook but its your hook not mine and some people are actually worth it in life even though many can hurt you...peace
|
|||||||
03-13-03, 03:31 AM | #3 | ||||||
Guest
|
IP: 476A FFB3
i loved this piece...especially the abandonment issue...i really related to that
|
||||||
03-13-03, 07:21 AM | #4 | |||||||
Atra Ludio or Hip-Hop?
|
IP: ABE5 5A5C
I've been looking forward to this peice, and you didn't disapoint. You came with some really thought provoking words. Is there any other parts to this?
~Shalom~ |
|||||||
03-13-03, 09:09 AM | #5 | ||||||
Guest
|
IP: 554A 44F1
yes, I was going for 3 peices but I think there might have to be 4 because I can't fit in what I want to in the way I want to post this, hook, bars, hook, bars. So I think there will have to be 4 but I can promise you this will not be a crappy end, I've been working on this for a while now. But thanks so much for the complaments and I will make sure not to disapoint y'all in the future. And for that first comment, I didn't feel like typing the whole (what if Dorothy took) "the red Brick road" because I thought people would just seen the part2 and know....
|
||||||
03-13-03, 01:57 PM | #6 | ||||||
Guest
|
IP: BFE5 28C7
a nice carry on from the first piece...i had to read the first one again to get into this one though...
...once again showing good use of imagery...complemented with substance that rested well against the 'original' story... .....well, i think that's enough said for now....will be looking for the third piece whenever it's ready...and the fourth....and when all the parts are done, i can give a more extensive 'review' of the piece(s).... ....respect... |
||||||
03-15-03, 02:30 PM | #7 | ||||||
Guest
|
IP: 8A90 9F29
thanx for tha feedback, the 3rd one should be up soon....
|
||||||
Thread Tools | Search this Thread |
Display Modes | |
|
|