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10-17-07, 11:32 PM | #1 | ||||||
New to RV
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Suicide
IP: 255D 1CE8
I just wrote this real simple peice but let me know what ya'll think
This may be the last time I ever write Sitting here in this dark, wet room starting to feel the cold bite My only thoughts are of my troubled past, how much longer will my life last As I sit here contemplating death, my minds made up I take my last breath Lift the gun and put it to my head, this is the moment I thought I would dread But instead it comes as a relief, only 16 my life was brief Why is it no-one cares, will anybody shed a tear |
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10-18-07, 12:42 AM | #2 | |||||
A Life Of Chryme
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IP: 17A3 8BF2
if u shot urself, how did u finish the poem?
damn..u a tricky mo fucka
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A LIFE OF CHRYME |
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10-18-07, 03:23 AM | #3 | ||||||
New to RV
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IP: 255D 1CE8
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10-19-07, 02:23 AM | #4 | ||||||
New to RV
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IP: 15D3 63C9
It's nice cuz, but needs more emotion.....
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10-19-07, 07:17 AM | #5 | |||||
aka.liltekk
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IP: 5E09 F0CF
Quote:
same what he says i got tha same problem but keep writin an you will get it soock up all tha advice you can get |
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10-19-07, 08:16 AM | #6 | |||||
A Life Of Chryme
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IP: BB99 9931
pretty much, emotion and imagery is what u need for poetry. and actual meaning.
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A LIFE OF CHRYME |
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10-19-07, 10:34 AM | #7 | ||||||
New to RV
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IP: 255D 1CE8
thanks keep the advice comin
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