Rules:

Battles Go Up Friday
Check In Due Sunday By 11:59 PM Eastern Time
Verses Due Tuesday By 11:59 PM Eastern Time
Voting Ends Thursday By 11:59 PM Eastern Time

20 Lines Minimum
40 Lines Maximum

No Biting
No Recycling
Do Not Go Over The Line Limit Or Under The Line Limit
Meaning No Less Than 20 Lines No More Than 40 Lines

You Must Vote On 3 Battles Per Week And Edit Them Into Your Check-In.. If You Dont Do So, Youre Banned From The Tourney The Following Week


Topic: Floating Souls

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RV's Only 3 Time Topical Tourney Champion

checkin in.....good luck

checking in, thanks...you too!

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Could I have an extension till Wednesday to drop? I might drop earlier but to be sure...i hate no-showing but due to family issues I won't be able to write tonight or tomorrow whatsoever probably...It's okay if Whyte Ave doesn't feel like it, it's just a question...but i'd hate to no-show in champ match...

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Wednesday is cool with me

Thanks a lot btw, things are just lil hectic around here for the moment but i'll drop for sure...no no-showing for me

DQ

(thanks again)

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Verses I gave feedback on...

http://community.rapverse.com/showthread.php?t=170903

http://community.rapverse.com/showthread.php?t=170899

http://community.rapverse.com/showthread.php?t=170895

Approached topic based on mythology so if you don't understand something please ask me!

Hades is the underworld and Charon is the ferryman who brings the deceased over the Styx. Cerberus is a monster who awaits you on the shore and Elysian Fields is the place where your soul rests for eternity...

DQ

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fuuck...
I was writing my verse, when the fuckin power went out...
I was about 3/4 done too...and now I gotta jet for soccer
If possible give me an extension of like 5 hours or so

fuck sorry about this

I say he deserves and extenion flow.

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vs super

http://community.rapverse.com/showb...918915&posted=1

Caught between the Heavens and the Earth
Floating unseen, hoping for a chance at rebirth
Not prepared to deal with death, but he already came
And seals his claim, for the body under the souls name

He appeals as he’s withdrawn from his expired home
But death has already gone, and he’s forced to roam
From dusk until dawn, with no light to guide
Him to a site where he can peacefully reside
So he floats in the cold and darkness of night
Hoping his bleak outlook eventually turns bright

Hope slips; his head falls, eyes becoming weak
Tears are shed and flow silently past each cheek
But all his fears fall upon the deaf ears below
When all seems lost, there appears a small glow
He wipes his eyes, and cautiously descends from the skies
His search for light finally ends, and his spirit begins to rise
The flicker becomes brighter, and he’s delighted
Floating quicker, the glows location is sighted

Past the first, is second after that even more
Following the lights, deeper past earths floor
The path leads to the gates of fury and fire
He is to tired to leave, and in hell he’ll retire
Once a floating soul with not a sign of hope
Everyday not knowing how he’s going to cope
Now he does all the evil bidding for the devil
Wished before that he was ready for the other level

*Other level being Heaven

Ihave to go with drama queen on this one.

SHe opened it up perfectly in this one and she gave me good imagry and her lines where good. Here is how I graded her



Led by Charon through water as black as oil and silent as death
Awaited confrontation with horrifying Cerberus similar to Seth
Distant wailing sent shiver down my spine,confidence undermined
Wise words of my father in mind but envied entire living mankind
For not having to undergo this struggle or to bid a last farewell
Many tried but only a pure soul could combat acid agonies of Hell
Safely reached the shore where I stood eye in eye with the creature
Had a dragon as a tail but viciousness was most remarkable feature
Another obstacle I overcame,fearless strength donated by the gods
So I finally arrived at point of no return,difficult by all odds
Heart filled with proud and relief as I gazed upon the bumpy road
I travelled,endless peace for this fighter's soul at last bestowed
9.9/10

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vs super

http://community.rapverse.com/showb...918915&posted=1

I liked drama queens better to I must say, her creativity and the approach on this topic by far, looked quite good. Her vocab and imagery were there, also I did like the way she evolved her story.

Good drops though by both.

vote-dq.

DQ..

Vocab- was your biggest assest to this verse.. it was everywhere... in some spots a little too much vocab, you can do it big, without doing it big, meaning you can use good descriptive words, but not everywhere, spread it out a little, dont cluster it with all this vocab, people like simple topicals with good vocab, not complex vocab and a forced verse.. and the vocab made the verse look forced... it threw off the flow of the whole verse.. Imagery And Emotion the imagery in this was pretty solid, good visuals and you had an indepth description of most things.. Emotion on the other hand was barely there except for the last part of your verse.. it was just drawled out for the first half of your piece.. some emotion here, some emotion there... i think you should use more emotion.. maybe it was the topic, but work on that.. Wordplay,Structure,Flow,Consistency Wordplay wasnt there but that didnt matter much here... structure was good for the most part.. you fell off in a couple spots but otherwise it was fine.. no flow at all, like i said earlier.. the vocab you use is overdoing it.. just calm that down a bit.. you stayed consistent in the first two parts of your piece.. but the third one was on another level.. it was better than the first two..

overall : 8.4/10

Whyte Ave.

Vocab - Your vocab was ok.. i think you could have got more descriptive, but most of it was fine. Imagery And Emotion You definately had more emotion than DQ.. you were more descriptive.. more realistic, more consistent, each bar had a little bit of imagery in it, and thats what makes a good topical piece, emotion was off an on like DQ, sometimes it would be there, sometimes it wouldnt.. but overall you had better emotion than DQ also.. Wordplay,Structure,Flow,Consistency wordplay was ok, there wasnt much but it was decent could have been better,,, structure was decent, some lines too long some way to short, your flow was on for most of your verse... could have been a little better but it was good... and i believe you were more consistent than DQ...

overall : 8.7/10

I believe the first 2 parts of DQ's verse.. had nothing to do with the topic... it wasnt wrotten about the topic much.. i understand the connection between greek mythology and floating souls.. i did take mythology for 2 years but i wasnt feeling the connection as much... and i felt she didnt follow the topic as well as whyte ave. and a topical is about following the topic..

vote: Whte Ave.

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RV's Only 3 Time Topical Tourney Champion