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| Phenom | Kingz | Dabatos | TonySelf | Tha Q | Half Breed | Tito | 7th End | RV Radio  |
05-03-07, 07:26 PM
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#1
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Above Originality
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Closet Secret; Insanity
IP: 9465 0DDF
Closet Secret: Insanity
My mind Bids for pain Pleading, third Degree sanity My thoughts Decay waving Good-bye To my happiness I close My eyes tight, Counting to ten; To open my eyes again. I grasp For a grip To hold, as they say “For dear life” . . Breathe in account, For tomorrows Satisfaction. Burn my dreams To bitter ashes In sacrifice. Shower my wounds With water That is blessed; burning my sins Softly with whispers. Baptize my body And bury me alive; Cover these wounds That show off. I wrap my wrists And cover my ankles. Hide behind shadows, That grow with laughter. Medicaid my heartland With grassy Plainfield’s. Bathe me in lilies That ascends; Sweet scented cries. He has sent me Here for a purpose, Not a reason, So I stay in support And comfort. I draw lovely pictures With carved cravings For others to know -“I was here” Tie me down and loop my arms past one another to show myself love. In this time of action I sit patiently and help. I cooperate with Such demands and smile. This is my haven, This is my kingdom. Come whatever may… The bulb above me is my sun. Happy thoughts they say… “Think of a happy place” My happy place Is here; I have found It in this solitude of need. I bask in what I have found to be . . . “My chamber of Sanctum”
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Chryme Syndicate
-Chalkin' Up Your Future |
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05-03-07, 07:28 PM
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#2
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Above Originality
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IP: 9465 0DDF
http://wwww.community.rapverse.com/...ad.php?t=241594
http://wwww.community.rapverse.com/...ad.php?t=240951
__________________
Chryme Syndicate
-Chalkin' Up Your Future |
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05-15-07, 01:52 PM
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#3
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A Reflection Of The Past
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IP: 36D8 13A6
ive actually fed this peice at rb man....once again the short lines slowed down the process of the emotion a bit but no biggie, the imagery was good as usual, the vocab basic/decent in my eyes, the metaphore's that were rarely but surely used in this was tasty the topic/concept was cool and made for and exciting and certainly interesting read dude, still room for improvement man....but your elevating greatly with every peice keep it up family looking forward to viewing more pieces
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Crhyme Sindicate
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05-15-07, 10:15 PM
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#4
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Above Originality
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IP: AE5E 9EF1
word man i want my RV legend spot.
__________________
Chryme Syndicate
-Chalkin' Up Your Future |
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05-17-07, 11:41 AM
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#5
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pain is weakness leaving the body
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IP: 37C1 0FDC
i agree with valor about the shortness of your lines, but it was worth reading... a bit depressing tho... a really played topic, but your piece was original enough not to be another one of those pieces i read half of then look elsewhere... nice piece playa, keep writing...
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 "I don't want to be deep... I want to feel deep and use that feeling to express depth itself..." -Konchance my poetry: untitled |
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05-29-07, 05:10 AM
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#6
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This is my first post!
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IP: 3AC7 4C90
I disagree with both of you, the lines actually made it alot better, if the lines had been 'long' it would have ruined the flow, thus destroying the overall enjoyment of the piece, yet his lines were in place and made in impact. I seriously don't know who valor is on RB, but seriously, whoever you are, you don't know anything about poetry... you're concept of poetry is that of a ignorant fool. step your game up man.
Good looking write |
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05-30-07, 07:23 AM
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#8
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Above Originality
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IP: 9465 0DDF
thanks poeta.
muc love...and appreciation/
__________________
Chryme Syndicate
-Chalkin' Up Your Future |
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05-30-07, 05:51 PM
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#9
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New to RV
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IP: 8719 57C1
ya I liked the short Lines to. It had good thought into it good imagery and I liked the flow,and I agree with poeta if this paticular poem had long lines it would of completeley killed the flow i liked the whole concept but ya Valor is on RB but idk how he wrights lol hit my new piece up The Good Die Young...Nice peice though bruh...
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06-25-07, 09:07 PM
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#10
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New to RV
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IP: 8CC1 3602
Dope piece write..
Even tho i'm not a very big fan of Poetry, more of an Topical type of person, but i liked this..It had alot of energy, and i liked the short lines, instead of stretched out lines..I didn't really know that you did Poetry, i thought you just did topical, but as much as an vet you are of Topical, Text, Poetry, This was pretty good, Keep writing dude. -Bez
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God.Status
1X RBFL Topical Champ.
1X RA Middle-Weight ABL Champ, I'm Bezerk |
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06-27-07, 10:16 PM
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#11
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сварливый
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IP: 30B6 8894
keep your secrets in the closet.
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██-█████████▒▓▓▓▓▓▓▓██████▓▓▓▓██████████████████ ██↑ ██‡████████▒▓▓█████▓▓██████▓▓▓█████████████▓▓▓██ ██| ██‡███████▒▓▓██████▓▓▓███████▓▓███████████▓▓█▓▓█ ██| ██‡███████████████▓▓▓▒███▌████▓▓█████████▓▓███▓▓ ██| ██‡█████████████▓▓▓▒████▌▌▌████▓▓███████▓▓████▓█ ██| ██‡███████████▓▓▓▒█████▌▌▌▌▌▄███▓▓█████▓▓███████ ██| ██‡█████████▓▓▓▒█████████████████▓▓███▓▓████████ ██| ██‡███████▓▓▓▓▒███████████████████▓▓█▓▓█████████ ██| ██‡███████▓▓▓▓▓▓▓▓▓▓▓▓▌████████████▓▓▓██████████ ██| |
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06-29-07, 05:06 AM
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#12
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Above Originality
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IP: 0252 FC5C
lmfao
thanks for all the feed guys
__________________
Chryme Syndicate
-Chalkin' Up Your Future |
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07-24-07, 05:58 PM
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#13
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New to RV
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IP: DB1C 4B69
This is cool lol i likeed it all u dudes in here was makin me laugh haha but i like it mr. white!
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07-29-07, 04:05 AM
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#14
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New to RV
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IP: D657 40A2
i like it...
its good long |
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07-29-07, 04:16 AM
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#15
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Flyweight
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IP: 233C 41D5
I like it its worded well and helps the reader feel the emotions. it really dont matter abought the length of the bars in my opinion its a good poem so it would have workd with longer lines as well
__________________
breaking up with women is alot like golf. you start out by putting on some goofy cloths. then by the end you wonder if youll ever find your balls again |
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