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| Phenom | Kingz | Dabatos | TonySelf | Tha Q | Half Breed | Tito | 7th End | RV Radio  |
01-31-06, 01:58 PM
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#1
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Odi et Amo
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Oz. (2-1) vs. I Am Unreal. (0-0)
IP: 9245 5211
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Authentik Intelligence  ...The future is mine... |
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02-01-06, 01:02 AM
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#2
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Light Weight
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IP: 6CA4 1EA3
Check. topic: a wanderer...
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Was he robbed of the ashphalt that cushioned his face? |
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02-01-06, 11:02 AM
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#3
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Please excuse My Sickness
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IP: 936B 8EF6
checkin in .................................................. ...........
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02-01-06, 03:49 PM
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#4
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Light Weight
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IP: A2B3 0A44
A wanderer, squandering my bothering as I gazed at my reflection
The water pondered my conjured face, as I erased a tasteless expression I floated in the same direction; perfection directed my paddle on A contingent song was reminiscent of a past gone wrong – I whistled on My journey home was yearning revitalization and gratification As the boat hit shore and a roar reciprocated my anticipation I dug my toes into the sand, tracing my gaze to the horizon’s sunset Coming home was a praised liaison to my future, but it wasn’t done yet Although I was apprehensive, I approached the silhouetted band of men The lighthouse illuminated the shoreline, fumigating my aching lungs Stung funeral, a pastor spoke passionately about a stranger to me The language was logical; I became fathomable but didn’t believe Seemed alien to me; the culture was altered to these tales of misdemeanor I was a disbeliever, “John’s” life was told in stories of misbehavior Reassurance followed: “he was a good kid…” ‘till his best became a drifter… Memories splintered the golden moment; I held it as the pictures whispered “Welcome to Bobcaygeon, Population: 3000” Images of a 7/11, two gas stations and a motel flickered past… Five traffic lights, eight stop signs and a local shop were last… I listened to the fictional tales, conditional with my leave I suppose The accounts of a stranger, this was of a John Doe of whom I’d never known I had gone to the wrong interment, was concerned with my dearest acquaintance My journey had seemed jaded, like my life the night was only long and pointless We gathered in rather shabby fashion – passionate about spreading John’s urn All except myself who felt contempt with hell; I would say goodbye when I’d burn I couldn’t annihilate and violate a soul of whose I did not share Besides - he wouldn’t gallivant around heaven mourning our affairs I was in despair; I couldn’t prepare false acts against one who deserved more I allured the shore, perpetuating along on my quest to contest war The current swept away my anguish I sat on the banks with; I didn’t leap Because a flash of lightning, normally frightening awoke me from my sleep Images engulfed my mind once more; the coast was a toast to live happily Water skis, fishing, hide and seek, ghost stories Fort building, hunting, sandcastles and coast quarry Then it hit me… this was John’s coming home party, he was kind to invite me I spread the ashes of a friend of high stature to capture the moments we shared As I rid of my cares, the lighthouse glared at the paired closeness that we had snared The mist rose again, I was floating to sea, returning to my endeavors… The wanderer I was – the one I’d remain… forever.
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Was he robbed of the ashphalt that cushioned his face? |
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02-02-06, 10:36 PM
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#5
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Please excuse My Sickness
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IP: 3240 794D
A Wanderer He holds the Top Position in Our Lives today he sends out people to die just so he can say "Oh we are Fighting a war That's is very important" He's like my wallet all empty space and No sense He think like his forefather who put us in the same position and he wrecked everything from the budget to commision theres a wanderer out there but I cant place his name he Plays with humans But you cant say he's insane Oh no not this guy he has reasons that are justified but then he put taxes on the deaths of soldeirs lives oh thats our man You know he is the two time devoted prince he cares less about us than worryin about minutes with sprint But we love him anyways although we dont know he handle he plunged us into depression faster than a fire melts a candle is his name Gats Within The Bushes bcuz whats the contrast Between him and the foreign guy who blows up so fast with suicidal bombers ready to go whenever ask But he's a man of the people, and so true to his word then he gets rid of our money quicker than aquatic Turds ol Geiser his such an honer to have, he's the best He even brings comedy with his state of the union address I still dont know the guys name but my minds to tired to push is it just me or is this wanderer so similar to G.W. Bush ?
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02-13-06, 02:22 PM
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#6
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Odi et Amo
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IP: 4557 2EBB
Oz.: one of the better pieces I've read written by you in this league. You had some good mechanicals down such as the overall flow, vocabulary, emotion and imagery. You could pick up the pace in most of these areas but you have the basics down and you can move on from there. The storyline progressed nicely, I like the twist (sort of) you put in the ending. Good contents for sure. Solid piece
I Am Unreal.: I definitely like your style of writing, it has a sort of poetic feel to it and I'm a fan of those type of pieces. Like Oz. you had the basics down but I feel you did something more to it. You worked it better and the storyline developed nicely as well, you kept me interested. You had some points where you really grabbed the reader's attention, good job with that. Props My vote goes to I Am Unreal. for gettin me more into the story
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Authentik Intelligence ...The future is mine... |
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