I know it's long, but when you start to read it you wont even notice and you wont stop untill it's finished, you have to read it all to understand the concept of the poem anyways
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See if you can catch the twist at the end
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A Wilted Rose (the story of life)

The Garden of Eden, a horizon composed of marmalade and crimson skies
Floating atop where a wilted crimson rose lies
The sun florescent enough to burn one's eyes
A subtle fragrance of paradise permeates the holy spot
Carried alongside a humble whisper, reiterating, “she loves me, she loves me not”
Plucked petals loll harmony with the lush green grass
Adjacent to the path that leads to where lies and feeble minds once clashed
But alas, resisting temptation is an all too difficult task
And those who know all power, know power to see beyond the masked
But an innocent wilted red rose can hardly grasp the reality of the past
A witness to the devil's lies, and not to its own surprise
A witness to Adam bearing taste to the forbidden fruit
The sweet taste of knowledge… the foretaste of eternal youth
Yet the bitter taste of betrayal was the consequential truth
Feasibly the wrong rib loosened from thy breast
Nevertheless, such knowledge to men was never meant
Thus the ultimate punishment was far worse then death…
In the garden, in the center of the white roses, the final judgment was heard
Cowardliness of men lead to dishonesty, and so disloyalty once again occurred
Fissures erupted from the earth, breaking the bind of serenity and peace
Forsaking the once, perfectly, harmonious tranquility
The ancestors of men damned our once respectable race
And now we know dishonesty as an all too familiar face
Gambling, murder, robbery, we shunned the will of the Lord
And if it wasn’t already realized, we are the fallen angels, hell's horde
Captive in this life of strife, and yet poverty doesn’t bother me
The rich just sell out each other to increase profit of their own royalties
It was said by God, there is no such of those who are evil
They are merely like straw blown by the wind
Guided by sin, but this is how life is, this was our punishment
Cars, jobs, money, the devil's poison that presses thoughts away from the truth
Some may be led to believe in life, you work, retire, then die, but others refuse
Most men don’t bother to even ponder the real meaning of life
And so we stay ignorant and deprived, living a constant lie
Yet sometimes the truths can be a lie, and lies can be the truth
Lies are my eyes, my trusted guide through life
Because the reality is, the truth is what really keeps you blind
Things are never what they seem, and what something seems to be, is nothing at all
I seek the truth in the lies and the lies in the truth
And I will be one of the few to conclude life in paradise when the world falls
The wilted red rose, has heard all the pleas and cries
The rose that once stood beside a group of flourished white brothers
Blended in with the rest, too difficult to tell one from the other
And these white roses signified man's once clean slate
Until the spill of Adam and the Christ’s blood changed our fate
Stained the middle white rose, and so one was painted red
And not two men, but all men have bled upon it
Bleached by the sin filled blood of the dead
Everyday it wilts with age, corresponding to time with earth, heaven, and hell
And when it finally wilts to death, the world will be dead as well
But things are never what they seem, and what something seems to be, is nothing at all
A wilted red rose, the only that stands out amongst the white
And so I stand out, as the most beautiful of all

FEATURED,overlooked this one..NICE JOB~fluid

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.......... Omg Its Soooooo Gooooood!!!

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Since no one is giving feed, I brought some here...

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lmao this is actually a very good piece.. i felt it hit very hard the whole way thru.. oddly enough the first two lines were my least favorite.. i feel when opening a poem.. the first cuplet should be the hardest hitting.. and it really didnt catch my attention especially how u said crimson twice in one cuplet.. but i read the whole way thru.. and it picked up.. and its probably the best piece up right now.. good job..

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My Lines Are ILL yo

Repeating the word crimson was done perposely, it's repitition, a poetic technique, and this wasn't the kind of poem to start off with as hard hitting, it's gets you warmed up or wt/v, it starts off and then gets into it, the way this was done and the concept, I woulda fucked it all up if my made my starting sentance hard hitting, but thanks for the feed back, i'll RTF soon

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ok i cant go for that regular break down i normally do but. i will explain little parts i liked n disliked. well first of all, the opener had to be very hard hitting. and thats what you did. showed much emotion. had a nice way of putting you words in front of one another. damn this was on point the whole way through. you showed i think a bit to much emotion but it is nothing wrong with that. you have really proven yourself to be a very advanced poet. vey well done. i BOW to you for posting such a great poem.

oh fuck, man i'll real bussy foo's, but feedback is very much apreciated and I will RTF very soon

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wow...great imagery, beautifully written, and a very well thought out idea bought to the surface as this great work... your emotion shined in this piece as well, i am very impressed. keep dropping.1

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"QUOD ME NUTRIT, ME DESTRUIT--AUT VINCERE AUT MORI"

O Y D

*FluidMusic*


*Poetic Scriptures Moderator*

^^ So feature it

upping this mad dope as shizzy shit yo!!!

This seemed choppy in places..
& I've seen this topic elsewhere..
But overall despite the length of this poem..
I felt it was a decent read, not amazing not bad..
But decent..
You had emotion & vocabulary but your words didn't make me picture anything..
Just work on your imagery, & try and get people thinking..
Keep dropping..