Lizzie didn't know what she was doing wrong, she was popular with all the boys, but her self respect was gone. Shattered like the glass from when she smashed her mirror, her fists of rage murdered her reflection as she shed a single tear.

She used to be a doll, blonde, thin and tall, but now she spent her days crying in the last bathroom stall.

This doll's smile was faded, but she was popular, and that's what mattered. But her skin no longer seemed to glow, her outfit was too tattered. Her strings were cut as she fell to the floor, nobody wanted this doll anymore.

LIZZIE IS A SLUT was written on the door, the red lipstick smeared like blood as Lizzie cried once more.

Who says that boys don't play with Barbies? These boys seemed to like it. They touched and played with her all day and she didn't want to fight it.

Acceptance is for what she begs, she thought they could find it between her legs. But nobody likes a dusty doll, dirsty from the floor of the bathroom stall.

No more boys to touch, and no more boys to kiss. Maybe that's why Lizzie decided that she should slit her wrists.

that was good...nice vocab n imagery....keep it up

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wow the title didn't do the piece any justice..is Lizzie a real person? try a more emotional title, the word slut is so widely used that half the time it no longer has meaning..the poem itself was amazing though i know kids who go through depression like Lizzie did, and it is hard to get them back down to earth..i been depressed and its the worst feeling in the world...tell Lizzie 'keep her head up, legs closed and eyes open'

good work

For the record Lizzie isn't a real person, and this isn't a reference to Hilary Duff or Lizzie McGuire. It's just a fictional character

oooooooo i like this peice was different. i think the title was good gave us thought to set the pice on, sometimes basic is the best way. it was kinda simple but very affective and u got the point across which was most inportant, nice strong ending. keep it up
peace ~roX~

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im capable of anything my amagination can give me wings, like doves flyin over streets watching many things//Nas

Hm...*applauds*

Amazing. Absolutely amazing. This is quite a talented peice you've written. The whole story telling thing the way you did is difficult in most cases, as it never ends up the way one wants. Now, this was a great peice, but there are two things I'd change.

One is the way you wrote it. I think instead of paragraphs, it should be seperated into proper bars.

And the other thing I'd change is to extend the ending. I mean, you build up the moment rather well, but that whole cutting wrist thing is so overplayed that, like the word slut, loses it's meaning. I mean, I've cut myself plenty of times, but it don't mean shit.

What you should do is extend it and give veiw to what goes on inside her head as she goes through the motions of cutting. You could end it with things getting progressivly worse, or you can somehow give it a happy ending. But either way, don't just end it with her slitting her wrists. Wrist slitting says nothing, which sucks because you were able to say so much about this character before hand, that your ending simply doesn't fit with the rest of the peice.

And on a final note, I know girls in real life like this Lizzie character. So woah... amazing, huh?

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Quote:

Originally posted by Bruklor Nec is just dumb

I'm taking that as a compliment.

Wow, thats really powerful, it reminds me of somethin I read along time ago, but as a guy, well as me, I wouldnt put myself in her position, and how much words can really hurt people. I love how you illuminated how much those things can touch someone.

I know that you said it was fictional, did some girl give you inspiration to this piece.

Btw, I love your writtin style, reminds me of Souls of mischief for some reason.