John Doe's words were spoken,---
at a young age I never knew--
covering lies with empty promises---
which left me emotionless & confused---
had a mommy and a daddy combined, in one person
but when the two were together it resulted in
physical cursing---
I could'nt cope with the thought of being the one tarnished
reluctant to the fact that never was I, open-hearted---
But soon I reached a older age
where I could really understand, that it
took more than a dick and a sperm-filled hand---
empty sacks of paraphenalia removed times from
sudden beatings, why did your anguish strict rage result in my soul bleeding----

Apologizing constantly I flinched
with distant hugs---
just prayed that you wouldn't kill me
all I wanted was your love----
I cried when you slammed the door saying don't come
back, could'nt even look
me in my eyes without a panic attack---
all I wanted was a daddy and I begged for you to stay
leaving clues of no interest I discover till this
day---
drowning in my own guilt a battered and bruised soul
no control in my life still looking for
that console----

Toxic tidal waves of stress spawning into my scene
leaving me young and wise in
a state thats only serene---
still there's tomorrow, where fathers and children
glisten, all I wanted was a figure
that's manly and who would listen---
but for you theres no respect, just memories of cheap thrills
conflicting my decision, in a life of assorted pills---
to you I gave my heart, and you gave me a closed
fist, throwing my love away like paper in the deepest
hole of abyss---
you murdered me emotionally and strangled my realest
change, now I'm prone to the pain, sort of numb like novacain---


But see my mind feels naked still not knowing why
it's me your first born pride you
were intrigued to deprive----
a mailbox with no mail with emptiness that
remains a human really without a being
so it's me that you slained----
hmm my first tragedy which I united with death
but for you I refuse to take BaKardii's
last breath----
a constant search for the answers, for
your love I wont recapture, I was just a conquest
with many saying "why her"-----
respectively you've made me stronger
but theres no thank you's in crevices
it can't and wont find my lips my hate has worsened
since----
so this is my letter to you dad I'm fleeting
and still I stand, it takes a boy to be a daddy
and a father to be a man.... I Hate You