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03-29-09, 04:15 AM
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#1
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Above Originality
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Johnny 6-feet (2-0) Vs. Alphabetized (2-1) [Contender Match]
IP: 2A16 40FA
Checkin in Wednesday Midnight Pacific. Drop by Friday Midnight Pacific. Voting ends Sunday Midnight Pacific. Topics MUST HAVE 3 LINKS IN CHECK-IN And one must be on either the champ Or the contender match.
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Chryme Syndicate
-Chalkin' Up Your Future Last edited by Mr.Write : 03-29-09 at 11:11 AM. |
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03-29-09, 09:53 AM
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#2
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Herb
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IP: 4556 7CE7
Contender match? Sweet.
Checking in. http://community.rapverse.com/showthread.php?t=249925 http://community.rapverse.com/showthread.php?t=249918 Last edited by Johnny 6-feet : 04-05-09 at 06:46 AM. |
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03-29-09, 01:18 PM
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#3
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New Jack
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IP: A1E4 9BCF
I would've read your piece this week anyways.
Killin two birds with one stone, nahmean? Check.
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I'm Beast. |
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04-01-09, 05:27 AM
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#4
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Herb
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IP: 4556 7CE7
Cure The Sickness They rushed towards my fallen body as I clutched my chest The newest in a long line of fucked cardiac arrests Tunnel vision eclipsed my eyes, I could see the future My whole life in a bubble starring me: the abuser I'd always been the lowlife, even coke-d to the eyeballs In a suit and tie dispensing shit like coffee to my rivals 24 hour party people, I had the membership And no divine intervention would see the end of it I steadied myself on the people, but I pass right through them Is this a prank? Some kind of bodiless union? I’m detached, gravity becomes an analogue switch Struggling to keep my footing, has it come to this? Images pass my eyes in rapid fire flashback My life as a tableaux, how I want to trash that! At 6 I was abandoned to the private school sector To the hands of men with canes, the priests and molesters Hard pallets to sleep on, they said ‘it built character’ As did beatings from the teachers, each strike a narrator They told me I was a heathen and the purest dipshit And this was for my own good, they could cure the sickness I graduated with bruises at age 11 to Eton My parents now like TV special guests whenever I meet them So, to another dorm and cruelty in another form My peers had no morale compasses to navigate from So it was daily war amidst upper civilisation Violence mixed with etiquette, and now, how I hate them! I realised if life was as cruel as what I had witnessed I should use my own anger as a cure for my sickness 21, now I’m a free man, but chained to a desk In a 9 to 5 firm, mentally deranging at best Watching the clock shave minutes off of time’s chin My mind a bloodbath; thoughts are an axe I’m grinding So I visualise a million scenarios of rape and murder Punctuate it with white lines to take it further Hammer my stress out on a keyboard and grit my teeth Slam reports on my supervisor’s desk on mid-week I know my stress level is rising so I vent my pain Torture animals until they’re eventually slain Of course, the next step was a logical one And homeless people don’t count as real to a prodigal son A late night stabbing in a dark alley is hunting for the witless It helps me through the day to day; it’s the cure for my sickness The time is now, i'm 28, and out of control My heart hammers a tango, a shout from my soul Guilt runs like a cancer through my vein’s pitiless The heart attack gave me peace, it was the cure for my sickness Umm.... yeah. |
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04-04-09, 12:00 AM
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#5
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New Jack
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IP: A1E4 9BCF
Mission : Sleepwalk
I arrange thoughts, this strange plot seems to come alive A cage haunts while the lame faught for his chance to survive And he arrives at a place, qualms erased, clarity to his mind Because if you can keep pace, you'd be surprised at what you'd find he's NOT insane, but inside? maimed, scared and feeling dull because it's the same feeling he gets when he decides to bash his skull. The hull of his brain is damaged, In need of some repair And it's funny it's been maimed by medication for the despair I'm so fucked up, why am I staring at myself in the mirror? I'm gonna puke everywhere, this nausea's made me iller. it's not fair, the addiction, who knew the pills were wicked? But i don't care, i'm itchen, laid up in my bed, pain stricken I'm sick and all alone, ever since everyone else left my life but i'd rather wish to clone OLD memories in this place with a pipe Hit it with might, and relax, sit back and get to rememberin But my dreams don't add up to me, leavin my memory dismembered and sometimes I can't think, it stinks and is awfully scary I'm on the brink of disaster now, where the fuck is my family? The observer looks in, with my mind it's hard to meet The same conclusion he draws, "It's progress none the least." He jots a few notes quick, An M.D. who likes to boast shit Think's it'd be a good idea, to simply increase the dosage He's got the most shit, whatever your looking for Cocain, Heroin, Shrooms, and Weed, what you lookin to score? I go into my closest, Northern Lights?! let's twist up some nugs It's like I'm a doctor now with this MASSIVE collection of drugs I don't remember soberness, when it's over this won't be so bad But the holder hits the addictive pits in my soul to keep me sad But what is the truth in this? Am I mad? Or am I dreaming? As i look to the place where I like to inject, now steadily bleeding Reality contorts, the message of course, is beware of what you do Because the shrink doesn't exist, and the only one to blame is you. Temptation is a great power, it can overcome the feeble mind But if you give in and cower, your loved ones will be hard to find. Beware the drugs, their addicting... ... don't fall victim to my plight and my future? it's hard to predict it... ... I'm sleep walking through life.
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I'm Beast. |
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04-05-09, 11:51 AM
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#6
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Maggot
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IP: 1356 B750
These were to very good pieces that both brought up somewhat of the same topic...
Johnny- I liked your drop a lot, You played it out like a reminiscing story and you kept right on the point of your drop all the way through and it flowed pretty nicely, although there were some parts where it was a little choppy but that is not a huge concern. You had some good vocab and nice multi's for a solid story, good work Alpha- You also had a nice topical about addiction, you had some good vocab, but I felt as though you used some vocab that wasn't really need/didn't fit well with some lines. But likewise, it was a minor detail. You used good imagery for your verse which I could picture easily about what was goin on in that man's (or woman's) life. Nice job. This was a preet good battle and the choice is pretty tough, but I'm gunna give it to johnny because i thought his was more clear and to the point, but also had a better central view of his topic...nice job to both of ya's..
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Although these words, DIG, DEEP
They offer no relief... |
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04-06-09, 09:08 PM
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#7
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New Jack
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IP: A1E4 9BCF
what vocab wasn't needed? the biggest word I used was dismembered
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I'm Beast. |
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04-06-09, 09:45 PM
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#8
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Jack The Ripper
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IP: F540 07B2
Cool takes on the topics, Johny was just written a lot nicer, Alpha your rhyme scheme is aight but some shit I had a hard time making rhyme when I sounded it out while Johny's rhyme scheme wasnt impressive but effective and he had a lot of metaphors and his style and creativeness with this peice was nice, i gotta give him the vote, Alpha your piece was too predictable and straight forward, you had some nice writing techniques but you need to up your arsenal
v/john
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It's JTR, lyrical art
The towers aren't still standing but the pyramids are... |
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04-07-09, 01:42 AM
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#9
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text.even geico can do it
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IP: 3AE9 A7D5
Johnny- nice imagery man, i felt like you ended it too early though, like there was a point in time that seemed missing or something that should've bridged between him being 21 and 28.. anyways i liked how it wasn't clear what the sickness really was, except that everyone and even himself convinced him he had it. eventually driving to the point of a tainted mind and body. anyways the drop was good read, welldone.
Alpha- this was the topic i was originally going to write to, but i couldn't decide where i was going with my concept, I liked where you took this piece though. it kind of made me feel like the story was coming from a pov of a man who's already awoken from his long lost life of substance abuse. recalling his dreams of reality. anyways i couldn't understand how he was hooked on pills before weed though, that part didnt seem logical, but anyways it was a real read imo, northern lights you say?! lol v/Alphabetized |
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