Nobody post in here, feel free to read though. I'm using this as a lyrical blog I guess.

Sunday, March 19th 2006 (later on)

Main focus: getting close to understanding it all Still confused tho


____, a friend of mine, became my analyst
to the damage done, he can assist me, but he vanishes...

(Brownnumber18 signed off at 7:53:28 PM.)

The second I saw that, hella questions went off fast
He left without addressin' it, I'm stressed and I'm all crashed
my thought's false, I'm kneeling hurt, to the perfectionist
God'll bless me with the lake, but won't let me catch the fish
She's either feeding me patience or She's leaving me hangin'
Giving me peices of language, but won't teach me to say it
the funny thing is, I know for sure my feelings must be real
with all my shit, my question is "will __ love me still"
if after its said and finished,and my head edit's twisted...
and my spirit, progresses residency instead of visits
and I shed my skin and awaken different and changed
will she keep the interest, or wonder if its a phase......
she listens to jean grae, well "love song" has the attitude
that half the dudes will stab your back, and that they bad for you..
and what's sad is, that random fact is true..... I'm bad news
but I can't detach her from my life, we gettin married.. .we have too
no one else can try to be my wife, I never felt this high
with any other female, but hell, this could be my selfish side..
I need time to think, and I should try to see why it's me
that has so much trouble putting his mind at ease

Names blocked for personal reasons

Monday, March 20th 2006

Main focus: Santa Clause in a way

I saw a film, it was true, but I feel it'll 'still' the movement
hustle and flow, it was ill, but I don't know if I can build improvement..
with my location, my will in music can't even kill the nuisance
I feel secluded, I want delusion, it was a real illusion
I'm losing hope... am I climbing high or did I move the rope?
have my notes finally stopped escaping from a foolish throat?
I lossed my cause, my fighting, the trying, the mind tricks..
why? it's naive to believe this country will love more than white men..
this is nothing new, tupac realised that it's too much to do
I'm wondering if I should think of myself and get comfortable
I'm crushed, ima throw the towel in the hamper and stop..
who was I kidding, I won't win, even the panthers have flopped
I wanna seek an answer from god, shit.. it can't hurt to drop..
to my knees and pray, and I guess to feel the hand from the top
niggas dyin, but why should I care? if you knew you in prayors
of some, while people shooting you, they worse then dudes who'll spray 1st
cause those the faggots who actually think that they doin a favor
when really I don't believe that shit is even movin the maker
its so dark, as I grow it seems the entire planet falls
I guess I'll entitle the little hope I got left, Santa clause..


eh, I'm out, I havent even slept yet since my 1st entry -_- GEt online nejla

Tuesday, March 21st, 2006

Main focus: Just clearing my head

its been only two days, but she has yet to get on
I'm worried, the pressure dawns, so now everything ethical's gone
I wrote and ripped an epistle cause I been stressed for too long
I'm thinkin "she left you", I guess its nothing left to do wrong
Decree said she probably found a 'somebody', but how?
how could I be so, petty and jealous, I got me a spouse
My motives over explosive, I struggle with focusin'
I supposed to have been signed but I sense I've lossed hope again
but now for rap, its 7 am, I hopped out the shower fast
to see if nejla was on, but I shouldn't of let the hours pass
but my coward ass remains quiet and yo..lol its classic shit
NOW she decides not to get on, when I dont have to ditch..
school defeated me, I dropped out, I'm about to get A GED
I didnt tell nejla that, due to my fear of her leaving me
she holds tendencies, to defend her reasons to see the least
in herself, so of course, I withheld speaking of demons reached
but we perfect for eachother, both of us are off the wall
but my baby need to learn that none of its her fault at all
I guess I should praise allah, but for now I'm thanking god
so I can make it far, but I'ma pray to help me take a job

out

Tuesday, March 21st, 2006 (later on)

I talked to nejla but she left quick, so im like hey
Nejla is gay, but most rocks are gray

Tuesday, March 28th

i'm done with the main focus shit now.. my mind kinda all over the place nowdays



embracing creativty, tryna stay realistic
and state the specifics, but right now Inspiration is missin'
this the before rush of war in my brain a warm up
to document more crushing stories, I gotta ignore love
I already dripped ink for nejla, it left me intrigued...
about whats on my mind daily, just look at every entry
I have no brothers or friends, my sister and mother have cursed
my name under the table, I love no one other than her
so you cannot convince me to stop mentioning nej
This aint the industry man, I vent this uninteresting head
I'd always mastered my craft when disaster woud spread
and nejla aggrivates me, consider what pastors have said
this pure virgin's innocence vanished after she bled..... so
am I wrong for wanting to crack her and put a gap in her legs?
laughter'll coverup to truth, oh what the fuck to do
with buckets of lust to mute, but hey it's just a rule..
and most girl's limits on this stuff is like a month or two
but when the cherry busts you're through being young so its up to you..
my next goal is finally clearing the GED test so...
I just wanna meal, I don't need to be dressed in the best clothes
I been stressful, but it seemed like nobody else known
I was just neglectful of everyone else, but it felt wrong
when I listen to any Mc's track, all of em agree that
you can't assist a greedy pack without any feedback
blowing 16 candles tommorow, no speeches are spoken
so on that note I'll leave the forum so peace for the moment

Wednesday, March 29th



me and my girl was talkin, but now I'm crossin a fight
she said be right back, but I'm lossed I think she off for the tonight
I contemplate... remaining awake for a response and wait
for her to get on, this is too big of a bond to break...
a constant waste to lose life, because time could be vital
she could be asleep, why you reachin the height of sleep cycles
my mind speaks with discreet silence, but it won't be quiet
I don't see why it's me, who seems to increase violence..
You know that sayin people use, 'can't have your cake and eat it too'
if I couldn't eat it, I wouldn't grab a plate to keep the food
I made peace with avoidin ppl who's feeding the noise..
that doesn't agree with the voice that is bringing me joy
I'm tryna keep the weight limber, but I can't stay centered
finding great women doesnt situate to a create winners
it's like god'll give you a spot where you could stop the issues
where you got your wishes on lock, and your options blissful
but then you got alot that piss you off, till you cop a pistol
and blow your top off, and the one you love is stockin tissues
if I can clot the sniffles of this girl by holdin' the load
of being disliked and loathed by the likes of spul and compose..
thank you peter for introducing..I'm not supported or liked
I'm not sore, its my life and I got my priorities right

Happy birthday to me, I'm about to eat cheese
and watch tv, and drink tea, oh tee hee

Your such a softie.. tee hee.
And I'm feelin that Boondocks GIF.. might snatch me it. o.O

__________________

..The Council..
7 Day Theory

Ask soc to make you one. Wordsizzle is his aim

April 10th, 2006

FUCKIN PISSED


EDITED beggining... shits fuckin insane =/

he's 22, she's 16, within his personal grasp
and whats scarier is he wanted to marry her in the past
they say I musn't fight, and that I can't do nothin' violent,
what if he's there at her house right as I fuckin write this
and she taking a shower, he could pretend to be cautious
and while shes busy, he could simply 'accidently' walk in
just stalkin my girlfriend if he could sense the shit I'm involved in
with my temper and the shit just makes me wish for my coffin
and not only that, and my wifey just told me that,
------ who supposed to be my homie, was on engrossing acts
so bogus and yo its making me just wanna go insane..
I try to control, but my shoulders holding weight so I don't behave
and with predicted patterns you know it hurts to be patronised
but it seems like all the bullshit is perfectly sacronised
I weep, but all I do is cry, what can I do alive
he OVER THERE RIGHT NOW, the fuck is going through his mind?
and suicide is excluded so I guess I'ma have to breath
are all my past beliefs and actions from back then comin back to me?
tragically, it'll take a while to let me break a smile
I can't take it for real, I know I sound like an impatient child
but that's my baby there, and what the fuck could I do?
nothing, I feel like going to jail for something just to allude
no collection of words could put it to rest cause is burns
I can't digest it, my chest full of embers of aggression I yearn
for answers of why I'm stressin... are ppl taking lessons to learn
how to make me depressed as fuck and take a step on my nerves

damn ima quit right now

April 12th, 2006


Stfu I'm not a pervert. Yeah fuck you.




Crystal hued liquid, arose from the @#$% I'm givin you
if she #$@$s the tip of it with hella spit I'll rip her clit in two
desire is in my mind again, the fire's ignited and
it's the time of the night where I retire from fightin it
in my eyes, the next image is the messages sent
that I want sex, yes its a sin, unless she's pregnant with kids
and I guess I'm convinced, shes the one, and it'll take some work
to take care of her, but now its 9 months from her day of birth
nearing the climax, her appearance got my spirit alive, that
chemistry, mirrors the expermiments of apprised class...
her once timid figure, shivers with me like rivers and kiaks
she takes control with little interference from my half...

damn

My perverted thinking has been killed *talks about something else*

it just seems, that nowadays I'm sayin sensitive things
to a genius woman who isnt all that different from me...
she left so quick, I didnt even get an instant to think
she mentioned her mother hit her like an infant I screamed
when I laid my eyes on the sentense she sent,I wished it was me
so she wouldn't feel it at least to let her innocence be
and what eats it up is the thought of her even being struck
like me, its fucked up from what I heard she's already seen enough
LOOK AT THIS WORLD, somebody really needs to clean this dump
I swear I wanna delete shit and only keep what we can love
she's going through alot, and I want a seed to sprout?
I'm only increasin the heat, and I claim to be reachin out
I aint doin shit, I see it now, soon I won't be this loud
my mouth'll retreat and sound'll just be screeching down
my police files keep seeking me, my life is packed
and dante's letter was while ago and I aint write em back
but it's simple to see today from reading this, change seased
its no use writing him, when I'm repeating the same things


thats all for right now

April 13th, 2006

I hate everyone and everything. =/

April 14th, 2006

I hate everyone and everything even more than fuckin' yesterday.