The sign on the door says “Closed”
But there’s a gentle lady inside
Through tinted and bared windows seen
Labels and colors attempt to hide…
But inevitably she still shows

Staring distantly from her post
Upon the linoleum seems her escape
What she’s dreaming, is unknown
But her glow can’t be replaced…
Joy from what her mind is playing host

From something farther than aisle five
Responsible for her simple illumination
That impervious grin cannot be reclaimed
A piece molded for her in creation…
This ordinary ember keeps her fire alive

The sign on the door says “Closed”
But it swung open anyway
Claiming all within his reach
There could be no brighter day...
He looked beyond what the sign showed



Wonderin if y'all can figure out what this is really about... it's pretty simple, but lemmie know

My thoughts on this are a lil shaky. To me, it seems as if the girl has locked herself into a state where she doesnt want anyone but herself. Then a man comes and looks beyond the closed sign, and he cares for her, breaking through those bars that were keeping her locked inside. This is what I think, I'm not sure if it is correct or not...Sorry if I'm not. But I liked this, flow, structure, scheme and wordplay was all nice. Great job. Keep it up.

at first kinda sounded like standing outside a strip club, you know tinted windows and all. Then is sounded like she was in jail or something cause of bars on windows. i think it's bout someone trapped in some sort of place, and somone can see her and wants to help but can't... i dunno. good drop tho

peace

I thought of a crappy convience store when I first began writing this to get the imagry... our strip clubs are pretty here so I dunno.

I got the feeling of supermaket, small one, with checkout counters lol And a lady standing in there who has worked there a long time, daydreaming. Thinking about what it is that makes her happy, the fresh love of a man perhaps?

Nice simple piece, rather moving to me when picturing that lady in my mind, because Ive seen ladies like this myself and often wondered what they were thinking about that put the smile on their face.

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You guys are awesome! You an Angel got it right on... that's what I imagined... like she didn't want to deal with people so she turned the sign to closed but the store was really open. And there are the bars on the windows and they're tinted so that people who want to hurt her can't get in and can't see that she could be easily hurt. But yea the "Fresh love of a man" that is what made her smile like that... glad that you all could read into what this was and to those of you that replied it meant a lot to me... thanks peace

lets get some ups on this

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SOFT FOCUS crew record (3-0) Wits end ~ DOI ~ Central....now who's next?
sacred scriptures record (5-0)

^Thank ya sweetie^

Var!! I had NO other peices up an you closed it on me!! Wasup!?

This was a great peice. A woman not wanting to love or let anyone into her world. A man comes into play and is curious and "opens" the door to a whole nother world for her. the world of love. It's what i got from this. Great drop hun it was a great peice and worth the read. got the mind working. Respect, JT

I was actually imagining a safe way, specificly. But I dunno... I got actually a not so good ending. I imagined that person coming through the door as being a huge shadowy demonic figure. I it was that line about there being no brighter day. Kinda gave it a sense of hopelessness where she sort of has to give in to whatever the guy wants.

'Guess I'm riding a negative veiwpoint wavelength or something.

I found the structure interesting. I've read a lot of four lined verse poems, those are always good in their conventiality. And I've read three lined verse poems, those actually always annoy me. But this had five lines for every paragraph, and I realized it as soon as I read it. In my head I was imagining the last line of each part being whispered. Kind of gives it special importance. I dunno, but I definitly liked it. The whole thing.

~Shalom~

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Quote:

Originally posted by Bruklor Nec is just dumb

I'm taking that as a compliment.

Yea that's how I meant that last line to be read, not necessarily whispered but sort of attatched within the stanza but not really attatched as far as the storyline goes. I dunno why but I felt like it needed more after the four lines but something different, I forced myself to write some of this, and I thikn that showed... but the 5 line per stanza thing was my attempt at trying something different with my peices...

i like this peice because it give you alot of images in your head..........personally was imagining a person who had nothing in the word and its lik one of those ÿou saw me when I was invisible sort of things". overall really nice peice^. keep it up!

thanks... I guess it was pretty much along that line

Trust me, you did at the time. Hence me closing it, and deacon now re-opening. Unless i fell into a swamp of mirky, benign, unrelentingly sad disillusion..

...er, i'd go with the former though.


To the piece.

The actual style you wrote it in, hidden, cryptic...played to the overall atmosphere and subject you wrote it to. But maybe that's a logical link anyway. Like, that's the usual way one would go about a piece like this. But your executino is what took it past that.

Oh aye, deep into a personal meaning, a personal feel as such. A kind of relative simplicity it had, made it quite accessible. To read and get into more than get the actual meaning of. Though with a bit of digging, that also comes.

A woman who puts on the facade of being 'tough' and 'cold' and unapproachable. But really yearns to be reached. And this one person does.

Hmmmm, well that's the basic jist of what i got. Though at first i thought it was about a girl being raped. But that passed fairly quickly.

....resp...