I have tried so many times
To stop dis boi from sucide
Its kinda hard wen da boi your brother
The grl left him and he really loved her
He said he was gon do it friday nite
I tol him no J it aint rite
He tol me ok i aint gon do it
He lied to me dat son of a bitch
Saturday mourning we found him hanging from rope
All i did was cry
It wont yo time to die
Somebody tell me why dis happened to him
Its all my fault
I could have stopped him from dis
I could have tol some one
Well i guess im to late
He's gon now
Rest in peace j

good emotion i enjoyed it, only thing don't put 'wont his time to die' makes u look 13

I didnt feel any emotion in this... At least not as much as I would expect given the content. You've done the same thing here as with your 'My People' piece Lyrical... Taken a powerful topic and really weakened it with the style of writing you use.
To me, this reads like a first draft, something to be built upon.

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not tryna be rude or mean jus got a question how can u feel emotion when u cant hear me i mean in your head it comes out different from wen i say i think u should think about that

ok since i can understnd this entierly i like this cuz it a point that ive thought about alot thats the only reason im still living
this is a gud topic 2 write about........sry bout ur brutha, hope yah get thru it ok
keep droppin

..........fav part.........

have tried so many times
To stop dis boi from sucide
Its kinda hard wen da boi your brother
The grl left him and he really loved her
He said he was gon do it friday nite
I tol him no J it aint rite

He's gon now
Rest in peace j

im so sorry

return tha favor

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there was emotion, just not alot of it. mostly because it wasnt articulate enough, its like being mute. I can see the words, i just dont feel the emotion. there was "realness" to this, by that i mean that it seems like this is how you really feel and how you are in real life. vocab wasnt too good, very plain and simple. an alright poem, u should have made it longer as an tribute to ure brother. overall, its an alright poem. seems you would have alot of inspiration.

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