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Old 01-01-04, 02:23 AM   #1
dasicknez
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Swollen Light

IP: 25C2 23BD

Standing on the edge
of a silent night

Tears forming into ice
around swollen light

There stands a face
beneath the open stars

Heart left behind
with the man
still within the car

Days have passed
into a drunken haze
words have become nothing
but a sound that distance gaze

Long ago there stood heaven
above a broken hell
two lovers both together
ears caught on wedding bells

But sounds of laughing angels
fell deep into a knife
hung round whats left of innocence
on this other lonely night

Two feet planted
within a soiled land
black filled with envy
red covered over hands

Devils took the breath
and gave it to themselves
water fell and kept him
but left the girl to herself

Now stands this living widow
wind flows around her hair
memories of a past
that took her no where

"what is love?
-she wonders

"that needs to take away?
What is this life, that lasts
only for a day?"

So with her hand
upon her white side
she falls into the sea

Love left herself
and took away
all she had of sanity

So with this blade
she gives herself
away to the night

To her love
and back again
in the arms of
swollen light

Last edited by dasicknez : 01-01-04 at 04:17 AM.
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Old 01-01-04, 09:28 PM   #2
filed
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you have this unique way a writing it seems. you leave your poems so simple, short lines, small words, but its so complex and tends to hold such a strong feeling and message to it.

your intro was nicely written, it caught my eye right away. and not once throu the poem did my interest fail, you kept me glued to your words. your outro was nicely done too. with simple poems theres never much to say. but this was one good piece, i'll still watch for more.

~Tera~
DONT HATE
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Old 01-02-04, 02:21 AM   #3
dasicknez
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Tyvm, i try to keep it original, and i appreaciate that you notice!

Ty for reading, your review is greatly appreaciated!
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Old 01-03-04, 12:08 PM   #4
Tourniquet
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Astonishingly good. I concur with all that filed has said, you do indeed possess a very personalized style to your writing. True originality that holds so much meaning in so few words and little complexity.

Uniquely written, beautiful story telling.. Great Write. T.
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Old 01-03-04, 12:26 PM   #5
LYRICALLY BLACK
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nice...you are very original in the way you write...i like this...you have alot of talent...story was easily told with the short lines...good ish...STAY UP
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