Phenom | Kingz | Dabatos | TonySelf | Tha Q | Half Breed | Tito | 7th End | RV Radio |
01-19-04, 09:27 PM | #1 | |||
...
|
it can seem to me
IP: A9A7 727D
it can seem to me
that I always pass it up please do not go now If you do, I won't forget please don't leave me all alone it can seem to me that forgotten I lie here do not forget me I always tried to be yours but that is not enough now it can seem to me that I no longer care now superficial me has no time for friends anymore leave me all alone here, please I saw all the haiku...and I saw tourniquet describe the other ones and I wanted to try =)
__________________
Life isn't a bitch... she's just sick of being personified -Sage Francis |
|||
01-19-04, 09:50 PM | #2 | ||||||
Guest
|
IP: 4621 6ECB
It's nice enough. Has a sharpness to it which probably comes with the rigid syllable structure (well, at times rigid anyway)...
...the desperation was there to be grasped by the reader. Though frozen (cold), it was there. Or at least, for me anyway. Maybe it's the way i read certain pieces (erm, like this one..)... ...either way, i liked it. It did what it set out to do, in my opinion. And did it fairly well. ...resp... |
||||||
01-23-04, 05:17 PM | #3 | ||||
Light Weight
|
IP: DF7B C8F7
sorry to say it maven but i really didnt like that it was a nice concept and everything but i know u can do better ive seen other stuff uve done. this let u down a bit
hit up my battle http://www.rapbattles.com/forum/showthread.php?t=108195 |
||||
01-26-04, 12:32 PM | #4 | ||||||
Guest
|
IP: 1192 92A4
Hey,
Just wanted to say I liked it. It was good in its own way, but as I read in another reply, I think you could make it better. Just maybe change somethings. But It was good. PeAce out |
||||||
01-26-04, 12:50 PM | #5 | |||
...
|
IP: A9A7 727D
hey, theres only so much you can do with haiku =)
__________________
Life isn't a bitch... she's just sick of being personified -Sage Francis |
|||
01-26-04, 12:56 PM | #6 | ||||||
Guest
|
IP: 1192 92A4
True true..Keep it up
peAce |
||||||
01-27-04, 01:13 AM | #7 | |||||||
Spectator
|
IP: 1A70 9542
Very nice Maven. It is sometimes hard to portray depth with such strict guidlines as V has stated, but there is obvious growth here, and the journey taken is evident. Traditional Haikus and its what I term 'offspring' are written symbolically, giving just enough for the reader to interpret the meaning or story behind the words.
You have done well
__________________
Great spirits often encounter violent opposition from mediocre minds.
|
|||||||
Thread Tools | Search this Thread |
Display Modes | |
|
|