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01-18-04, 12:40 AM | #1 | ||||||
New to RB
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A picture in my wallet by Abotizer & NuM LuCK
IP: CD8E CBC3
I keep this picture,
…In my wallet to remind me, Of this person know. So that any time, ….I get lost in the world`s shit, I can grip it & remember to Grow. This person keeps pushing, …Me closer & closer to the cliff`s edge, With shaky hands I hold the parachute. I keep my mind, …Off the daily bullshit with quotes, Like “Life blows, Like kids playin` the Flute.” Life`s never been absolute, …But this vodka sure is, Even as I puke, Visions of the picture Flash. This shitty feelin` can`t last, …Even with this flag, At half mast, The ambulance still drove Past. & I`m tired of, …This fuckin` feelin` inside, I`m just waitin` - for your ego and my fist to collide. was born disfigured looking for that perfect picture no scars or flaws but i knew that image was far and off from what reality was i was tragically scarred my face was all lard, and my eyes were crooked i was horrid to look at, worse than any hunchback the prolonged target of jokes and fun laughs i knew my life could change for the better was offered plastic surgery through one of those letters they offered me an operations and free consultations longing to be like all of God's other creations i stepped nervously toward my surgery dreaming of a future where no one was hurtin' me.... ........................ after the procedure, i looked in the mirror stared at myself, as the image grew clearer my nose and eyes were fixed no one could look as refined as this but as i gawked at the unfamiliar vision in the glass, tears rolled down my face as i thought of the past even after such an act so drastic, my emotional scars couldn't never covered by plastic and it wasn't at all worth it because that picture in my wallet could never be perfect I`ll always be reassured, with ease.. As long as I remember, - in my wallet - theres a picture of me.
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aBBoTtiZZeR |
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01-18-04, 12:34 PM | #2 | |||||||
peace
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IP: 9ED0 718F
wow. . never seen this topic been done before and i think
you handled it well. . when reading the beginning i thought it would be about the usual loved one etc however the flip really did do the piece justice. . I'm not sure which part was whos but the imagery of the person's emotions used throughout was nicely done. . I also liked the metaphors used mid-verse, establishing what this ''deformed'' person feels and what he is going through. . I felt that i could actually picture the story and what was happening through his eyes. . the last part affirmed the person's feelings and portrays them in his own thoughts. . This piece was nice and shouldn't be getting slept on. . hm |
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01-18-04, 06:25 PM | #3 | ||||||
New to RB
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IP: CD8E CBC3
yeah, seriously, just cause i'm not known on this site, you guys ain't responding....
i responded to 5 open mics just right now, so i'm gonna up this
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aBBoTtiZZeR |
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01-18-04, 10:09 PM | #4 | |||||||
[.Eclipse.]
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IP: 6588 491C
I knew at the beggining it was going to be you.
But it was still a great piece. I think it got better as it went on, personally. Reminded me abit of Vanilla Sky though. Good drop. If I ever try Open Mics I would hope you would comment and let me know where to improve. -1-
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1st Battle In Legends Bars Of War - Champ L.L.L. - Former HWeight Champ S.S. - Hall Of Fame The Eclipse... |
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01-19-04, 03:40 AM | #5 | ||||
Still Sick
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IP: 2124 1B04
good peice..lot a played topic..in the beginnin..I was wonder where was the rhyme scheme..and even after I re-read a few times I still couldnt find it..but..nice..it seemed like you had your heart in it..7/10..peace
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R.I.P. Bodie Pay Homage To The Best
If you think you better than holla! |
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01-19-04, 03:50 AM | #6 | ||||
Eddy.
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IP: 77D5 6AAD
Deep.. i cant say ne thing more, .. it touched me.. = ( , & i relate to it..props.
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Fuck you |
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01-19-04, 04:50 AM | #7 | |||
Banned: Biting
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IP: 6E5A 1E1C
^ like he sed deep, found it quite difficult to understand tho, until i read it 3 times. nice shit. keep it up
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01-19-04, 04:21 PM | #8 | ||||||
New to RB
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IP: CD8E CBC3
the rhymescheme's a litlte different
and the transition between me and my partner's a bit rough, but yeah
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aBBoTtiZZeR |
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