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checkin inn........................

check....im here.

*code red is the dumbest topic ive ever had to write on

seven months into the game, holdin hate for the morbid pain.
its diffucult to hit a dry spell when the hood is pourin rain.
felt my lowest low, knowin i cook rock for this russian.
but packin up and cashin in was not up for discussion.
the block tells stories of harlem kids, gettin mugged & jacked.
if theres a key principle to hustle, its that the game dont love you back.
ya think you a big man, until the game controls you like quick sand.
and wen shit hits the fan, ya in so deep you cant quit man.
theres moments of escape, wen you sneak off to blaze a bowl.
but dead or alive, the greedy always wanna be paid in full.
and the game is cool, but dont believe everything you asked about.
and trust nobody, cause even ya bestfriend starts to rat you out.
its every man for himself in riches, to greed its natural.
and after all, who wants to die for somthin that aint practical.
all is well in love and war, but the drug cartel dont apply.
and one night wen ya girl expects you home, you wont arrive.
after cremation, they gonna spur ya ashes like rezin in bong seasons.
family left with code red & ya soul floats to heaven for wrong reasons.

An Elderly Lady Turns The Knob On Her Radio To Change Stations
When She Reaches A Broadcast On War Througout The Nation
Nurshuring Her Flowers Under A Cold And Windy Friday
She Looks Around, No Vehicles Or Life Rollin On The Highway
So It Must Be A Story, It's Simply A Tale Of The First World War
She Picks Up Her Water Container And Makes Way To Her Door
Holding The Radio Still In The Same Broadcast, Interesting It Is
It Reminds Me Of Tales, Like Those Stories You Tell To Your Kids
She Takes It For Granted And Goes On With Her Business
Baking Cookies For She'll Soon Go Out, Wait....What Is This?
"I Advice Everyone To Stay At Home" hhmmm, It Sound So Real
Ha, It's Only A Story, How Can I Think War's In Our Presence
But She Grew Nervous After Each Pause To A New Sentence
Cautiously Waiting To See What Would Happen Next
She Changed The Station, It's Probably A Tribute To War Vets
Listening To Her Favorite Swinging Music, She Finally Found It!
The Answer, Code Red! This In An Important Annoucement!
We Have Entered War And Have Just Been Striked At Pearl Harbor
The Shock Couldn't Have Been Grater Or Stuck Harder
She Realised That What She Had Been Listenin To Was A Warning
For What She Would Soon Hear, Screaming And Moaning
She Steppped Out To Find A Japanese Plain Swoosh Over Her
And Her Radio Breaks In To A Statement By The Governer
' It's A Sad Day In America" As Bombs Rush Through Walls And Buildings
Snaping Bones, Shattering Skulls Of Mothers And Children.....It Was A Code Red!

uppin for votes.....

code red is hella gangsta as a drink, but it should never be a topic......

im not gonna vote on this, cuz i really dont feel that either of u deserve a loss for this
po it's verse was much better, but tech's verse is only bad cuz he actually followed the rules and tried too hard to fit a bad topic
good battle both of u, but i cant vote on this

po it came nice here, it was indeph, and explored and exploited this crappy topic...tech, yours was straight forward, nothing really special, not bad, but i believe po it came out with the win here, based on creativity, writing, flow, pretty much every category....i really liked po its verse, it was insightful, i enjoyed it...tech, i like yours, but i think your writing is too basic

keep up to both

highlights of the battle:
the block tells stories of harlem kids, gettin mugged & jacked.
if theres a key principle to hustle, its that the game dont love you back.
after cremation, they gonna spur ya ashes like rezin in bong seasons.
family left with code red & ya soul floats to heaven for wrong reasons.

v/po it, well done

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aight, no problem......................

Po it should win this since tech is banned anyways. He had the better verse though. But just close these battles and get the next ones up im ready to write right now.

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RV's Only 3 Time Topical Tourney Champion

Po It.

seven months into the game, holdin hate for the morbid pain.
its diffucult to hit a dry spell when the hood is pourin rain.
felt my lowest low, knowin i cook rock for this russian.
but packin up and cashin in was not up for discussion.

^good intro at the piece, keep quite some mystery to it because I don't really know where this storyline is going, good rhyming as well. Your images were nice as well, I like the dry spell/hood pouring rain line actually.



the block tells stories of harlem kids, gettin mugged & jacked.
if theres a key principle to hustle, its that the game dont love you back.
ya think you a big man, until the game controls you like quick sand.
and wen shit hits the fan, ya in so deep you cant quit man.

^good emotion in this part of the piece, it tells a story of many and I know a lot of people can relate to what you were saying right here. I like the images you use to portray that sort of life, that sort of existence. The vocab may be basic but you describe it as it is you know, I like that more direct approach.



theres moments of escape, wen you sneak off to blaze a bowl.
but dead or alive, the greedy always wanna be paid in full.
and the game is cool, but dont believe everything you asked about.
and trust nobody, cause even ya bestfriend starts to rat you out.

^Here you go more into detail, you already gave a more overall picture of the situation and I enjoy how you pick certain topics and tell us more about it. You are speaking truth as well and that is interesting to read in fact. The no-nonsense vibe grabs the attention.



its every man for himself in riches, to greed its natural.
and after all, who wants to die for somthin that aint practical.
all is well in love and war, but the drug cartel dont apply.
and one night wen ya girl expects you home, you wont arrive.
after cremation, they gonna spur ya ashes like rezin in bong seasons.
family left with code red & ya soul floats to heaven for wrong reasons.

^I can relate to this, especially the expect you home you won't arrive line is truth spoken, I know a lot of women be worried about this every single day. I do feel it's sort of a quick ending, I would've enjoyed a bit more details at this part of the piece but overall solid ending.




Tech

An Elderly Lady Turns The Knob On Her Radio To Change Stations
When She Reaches A Broadcast On War Througout The Nation
Nurshuring Her Flowers Under A Cold And Windy Friday
She Looks Around, No Vehicles Or Life Rollin On The Highway
So It Must Be A Story, It's Simply A Tale Of The First World War
She Picks Up Her Water Container And Makes Way To Her Door

^I definitely like the beginning of your piece, it keeps a sense of mystery because I'm not quite sure how you will work this situation out further. I enjoy the picture you portrayed here, it is nicely written and it gives off the right vibe.
Rhyming is interesting to read at well.



Holding The Radio Still In The Same Broadcast, Interesting It Is
It Reminds Me Of Tales, Like Those Stories You Tell To Your Kids
She Takes It For Granted And Goes On With Her Business
Baking Cookies For She'll Soon Go Out, Wait....What Is This?

^I am a bit confused because you write in a "she" perspective and then all of a sudden you say, "it reminds me". This might throw readers off so watch this next time. This seems a bit repetitive, especially the first 2 lines. May have just skipped those and went right on to the last lines of this part.



"I Advice Everyone To Stay At Home" hhmmm, It Sound So Real
Ha, It's Only A Story, How Can I Think War's In Our Presence
But She Grew Nervous After Each Pause To A New Sentence

^Again you changed the point of view, it makes the storyline a tad confusing. Just adjust your punctuation to clearly point out that she thinks this or says this because this way it's not clear at all. I think the introduction is taking a bit too long as well, she keeps on repeating it is just a story. I know that is the whole point but get some synonyms, some other ways to describe it.



Cautiously Waiting To See What Would Happen Next
She Changed The Station, It's Probably A Tribute To War Vets
Listening To Her Favorite Swinging Music, She Finally Found It!
The Answer, Code Red! This In An Important Annoucement!
We Have Entered War And Have Just Been Striked At Pearl Harbor
The Shock Couldn't Have Been Grater Or Stuck Harder

^I feel the change was just too sudden there, it switched too quickly from one point in story to the other. The transition could've been way smoother in my opinion, work on that next time!


She Realised That What She Had Been Listenin To Was A Warning
For What She Would Soon Hear, Screaming And Moaning
She Steppped Out To Find A Japanese Plain Swoosh Over Her
And Her Radio Breaks In To A Statement By The Governer
' It's A Sad Day In America" As Bombs Rush Through Walls And Buildings
Snaping Bones, Shattering Skulls Of Mothers And Children.....It Was A Code Red!

^I do like your ending but it could've been more indepth though. Tell me more about the code red, tell me how she figured it out to make the ending less sudden and have a better built-up.


I vote for Tech because I felt he had the more interesting story and he put more work into it.

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