sorry if this is the wrong place to post this. some faggot named Gongshow voted on my battle saying this line made no sense. i wanna hear the opinons of some real hip hop heads.

this cock raps without punchlines like slapboxing roosters

let me know what ya think

__________________

Battalion For Life
Washington Heights Forever

I dont get it, but i can see how it would make sense.

__________________

I get it. What's the set up line though?

__________________

ya can follow the link in my sig and check it out, and this aint a thread meant to ask you to vote, but i would appreciate it if ya did while you were there. but back to this line. i never though i would have had to explain this to anyone, but im doing just incase

this cock raps without punchlines like slapboxing roosters
a cock is another word for a rooster
in slapboxing, you dont punch, so there arnt "punch" lines
so a slapboxing rooster wouldnt have punchlines

__________________

Battalion For Life
Washington Heights Forever

seems like a strech armstrong-sizes reach IMO. Just forced the hell out of it IMO

__________________

makes sense...but i feel like not clicking the link

__________________

im sorry, but i dont get what your saying. what do you mean its streched? it flows with the verse, unless you mean somethin diff.

__________________

Battalion For Life
Washington Heights Forever

yea i get it its hot

thank you. oh yeah, just to make this fun, if ya feel like it and you think its a good punchline, pm Gongshow and let him know lol.

__________________

Battalion For Life
Washington Heights Forever

ight fo real u want me to do it

It's played anyways..

if ya want to lol. i cant belive that nigga didnt get it! i think that he would feel real stupid if he realized he dont dont know shit about rap

__________________

Battalion For Life
Washington Heights Forever

what?!?! whatever, i asked for critisim, im getting it. but i made that shit up off the top. thank ya for the input

__________________

Battalion For Life
Washington Heights Forever

I didn't say it was stretched, I said it was a Stretch Armstrong-sized 'reach'. You forced it. You forced that square peg into the round hole that was that line. It jsut didn't fit together and I can't see how anyone woudl think it's "hot". Especially if you gotta explain it. The lines and content should explain themselves or else you didn't build the line properly.

Here's some reasons why:

"this cock raps without punchlines like slapboxing roosters"

First up, roosters don't throw punches - so you coulda easily flipped the line to

"This cock packs less punches than two fighting roosters".

That line is more usable since it's already know that roosters don't throw punches - so why mention slap boxing? They already exist in the form that you want them to in order for that lien to work. Also, you said "punchlines". You lose it even more when you put that 'line' suffix on 'punch". Just make the meta (which you turned into a similie that I turned BACK into a meta) far more vivid because the words lock perfectly. You bastardized it fomr wordplay to a regular-ass similie.


That's why it was a long-ass reach.

__________________