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Old 06-08-06, 07:30 PM   #1
Passivist
Hail the Undergods
 
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Political Marionette

IP: 5E9E 77C2

Political Marionette

You Mr. Evil
You are a politician
You are a businessman
You conqueer the forest
You cut down the trees
You cause deforestation
From carcasses you make coins
You have cash everywhere
You count without numbers
You are a candidate
You contest for presidency
Do you think I would vote for you?
A monoster of greed is never elected.


Age has brought me to this place, left perchance
Parsing the ponderous of my grotesque remembrance
Yet, age shall not stop me from the task at hand
As the need of a midnight ride rests on our land

Oh, brothers and sisters, I plead you to hear
Of the incise of a nation born of deceiver’s fear
So heinous in its methods, constructed invisible
Political puppetry, our division unpreventable

A scheme devised of lies intent on separation
Creeps between our shores spreading its segregation
Constructed by wealth and greed, desire of control
If we choose not to stand, it costs us a most devastating toll

Unable to even imagine giving up our nations creed
I plead once more and ask, why must our babies bleed?
When did we accept hate as an acceptable reaction?
Clothed in false morality, sure to pay for our distraction

Will you join me in this fight, will you do what you know is right?
Arm yourself with the truth, the proper target in your sight
The enemy isn’t homosexuality or a fight for a marriage right
Not red or blue, black or white, won’t bring you harm in the night

Our enemies I dare to say wear suits brought of our sweat
Consume the finest wine and food, warriors without regret
So concealed is their plot we perceive them as naught
Uncertainty and apathy devours all that we were taught

The battle is upon us, the call to seek the truth, stand the ground
To recognize the lies and rhetoric and by it not be bound
We have the strongest weapons, knowledge, truth, and love
The believers of us, protected by a shield of faith, have God above

I cringe at what these meddling fools have done to our democracy
Manipulating tradition and morality to create their own theocracy
To steal our freedom, discarding our civil rights, they could not wait
To disregard laws and destroy the wall of separation of church and state
They create diversions, needless issues upon which everyone brews
Designed to make political puppets that are controlled by nightly news
Passage of the Patriot Act, what eloquent names are used
Disagree with them and it will be of treason that you are accused

They say they believe in privacy as they build a national database
They know who you are, where you are, and when you leave a place
Big brother is here in the name of security, void of public scrutiny
It steals our freedom, eliminates our privacy without accountability

My heart aches as I envision what the future holds for our children
The failure of a democracy, so corrupted, we cared not to defend
The melting pot of America, the original dream, in postmortem
All of this sounding so extreme, yet fearful of not sounding the alarm

My angst compelling me to give this last battle cry, my lantern from the shore
Our enemies’ camouflage now destroyed, shown only as words we can’t ignore
Discrimination, coercion, division, intolerance, and hate to name a few
Easily extinguished by the single act of one, it all comes down to you.

The armageddon has begun.
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Old 06-08-06, 07:37 PM   #2
Passivist
Hail the Undergods
 
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Old 06-09-06, 03:14 PM   #3
Passivist
Hail the Undergods
 
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You guys fucking suck.
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Old 06-09-06, 07:34 PM   #4
Indeph
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Lmao dont worry yo I'll feed on this when i get back from gamestop. I feel your pain, this was good btw, I'll elaborate further when i get back.
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Old 06-09-06, 10:29 PM   #5
Passivist
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3 hours later.

.....
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Old 06-10-06, 04:27 PM   #6
rellik
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Yooooo....deep drop.

I see you're one of those conscience text heads. I mean, don't get me wrong...this was a dope drop, but it seems more like a speech you're giving at an anti-government rally. There were a couple of lines that I really enjoyed, but i'm not gonna quote em' because I feel like it would be taking away from your verse, seeing how most of your lines compliment each other. Overall: solid drop. It's probably too much for the kids on here.
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Old 06-10-06, 04:41 PM   #7
Passivist
Hail the Undergods
 
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lol. I dont think its too much for the kids on here, because I'm only 15 years old.
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Old 07-08-06, 02:21 AM   #8
Ill.Eyes
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Nice drop. I felt it more because i share the same views.

The vocab was great. It flowed well throughout..

The imagery was there. and the emotion was truly felt.

Thats all the parts to a dope O.M. ^

Only thing was I felt sometimes your rhymes were kinda simple..
like i could already know what you were gonna say (right, sight, right, night)

Dope stuff though, the topic was good aswell..


If you could return the favor I'd appreciate it- http://community.rapverse.com/showt...487#post2788487
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Old 07-10-06, 09:34 PM   #9
Journal!st
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this was nice passive real deep in emotions and complexity was there dope strucutre and feeling my dude stay up man.....RTF on Cremation of Souls link in my sig from me and pakaveli
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Old 07-10-06, 10:44 PM   #10
Mic Young
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yo dis was striaght but it seemed like u jus added in big words to seem intelligent or sumthin, maybe u didnt but it was koo, good topic fam

return da favor on my new ioen mic, rise to power
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Old 07-18-06, 11:40 PM   #11
Binary I
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honestly this was a very solid representation of skill.

by far, you are the most skilled, competent, and believable writer i've seen here so far.

i liked the poem that put you into the song before you got to it. it intrigued me because i thought that was a novel way to begin a meaningful post.

the way you have the text structured helps my eyes because the traditional chunk method can be weary at times.

you brought out so much, made considerable points, and even incited a quotable:

Oh, brothers and sisters, I plead you to hear
Of the incise of a nation born of deceiver’s fear
So heinous in its methods, constructed invisible
Political puppetry, our division unpreventable

A scheme devised of lies intent on separation
Creeps between our shores spreading its segregation
Constructed by wealth and greed, desire of control
If we choose not to stand, it costs us a most devastating toll

^

these bars lead into the high points of the piece, building momentum until the final burst.

dopeness
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Old 07-23-06, 02:08 PM   #12
L.I.
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Okay.. Time for some feedback!! This was a very long read, but after a couple of your stanza's I got into it.

Topic: The topic is one of truth, and you can never complain with those kinds. You spoke on what you believed and made great points. You took the topic and ran with it.

Flow: Your flow was above mediocre. In some spots it was on point but in others it was sketchy. Work on counting syllables, it helps alot. For the most part though, your flow didnt take away from this piece so thats good. But it also didnt make it outstanding, so still something to improve on.

Vocabulary: At the beginning it seemed like you forced big words into the piece right away. But by the middle it seemed natural and not overly used. You used the right words in the right spots and it all made sense, so good. Just try to let the words come naturally instead of forcing big words into the picture.

Multi's: There weren't many. But they aren't required in any piece. So not having alot of them doesnt make your piece bad. Try to have some in there to accent your flow. It will really impress the reader.

Storyline: You stuck to the topic throughout. No complaints here. You did an excellent job in this aspect too.

Overall: This piece was great. You definantly handled the topic well and succeeded in making something ill. Very few complaints from me in this piece. Just watch out with the vocab usage and you should be good. Take this advice and work on it.. you'll get amazingly better. Oh, and try not to re-use phrases in your piece (political puppets).. it throws the reader off. I think this could be HoF material. Props on such a dope drop.. I really enjoyed reading it.

Hit up this and return the favor..
http://community.rapverse.com/showthread.php?t=232216
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Old 07-23-06, 03:35 PM   #13
atti?
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I actually really enjoyed this piece. Coming into it I thought you were Passive, so I don't even know who the hell you are at this point but whatever. Very poet Om, which, being a poet first and foremost I can always apreciate. The rhyme scheme in this was pretty generic and I was slightly dissapointed with that, but that fact that the piece was contectually fluent made up for that because really that's more important in my opinion anyways. Overall, consistant drop and I enjoyed it.
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Old 07-23-06, 03:43 PM   #14
LyricALI
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He is passive from RB by the way
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Old 07-23-06, 05:41 PM   #15
atti?
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Oh ok, I thought Passive was Suspicious *shrug*
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