Sometimes you wish u were dead because of how yo life is/
But in the end you will maybe realize life is priceless/
Because every day you live could be your last/
So enjoy it while you can cuz life goes too fast/

Yo today started off like a normal morning/
I sat in my crib lookin out, just wanted to shout, dis is boring/
Picked up mah cell gave mah girl a call, busy tone rang through the phone/
God this morning sucks i feel so alone/
I walked to the store, walked out with a rap magazine/
I kept walkin, but inside me had a fucked up feelin/
Out tha corner of mah eye see niggaz doggin me down/
At that moment i felt as if i was gonna drown/
I saw the driver pull out a ghat, that shit looked ready to attack/ i started to run but my body hit as if it way a ton, i dropped like a mat/
A lie there stairing at the the cloudy sky/
I was thinkin of how i'd die and how to say goodbye/
The world is probably happy to rid of such a menace/
I was dropped like a bitch playin tennis/
I cant feel my legs, wishin i had a keg/
Rememberin spittin mah last flow on stage, is dis really the last page/
I think of my girl, who i love with all my heart/
But now im diein, thinkin of her just tears my insides apart/
Will i be remembered as the worst MC to go down on charts, i just wish i could have one last fresh start/
My life was bad, everyone thought me as lame/
I never quite got the to the state of fame/
everyone just saw me as a place to lay blame/
But as i hear the doc sayin im diein, my mind races i can just hear my parents criein/
I never lived life to its fullist never put enough time in/
My vision blurs, my mind sturs, i never had good creativity/
i was too busy sellin weed like it was activity/
treating life like a competition/
You read in the Daily Star Addition/
16 year old shot to death/
he died today at 4:30 after taking his last breath/
This is some tragic news, we all pay our dues/
So maybe now they will understand what its like to have the blues/

Sometimes you wish u were dead because of how yo life is/
But in the end you will maybe realize life is priceless/
Because every day you live could be your last/
So enjoy it while you can cuz life goes too fast/


Tell me all what u think

Peace

not bad i liked the topic it was done well a little on the low side with volcab but overall i liked it keep posting

__________________
win loss record 18-19 with 7 k.o's


and sign up for the battle league would yeah, also show up if your already in the league

That is a fuckin brilliant sentiment right there, in tha opening lines of this piece...

Just seemed so honest, true, realistic...brilliant...

After that however, i dont think it was as good...i mean, dont get me wrong, it was a nice drop, it had a strong message which people need to take heed of, ya know...



I really wasnt feeling that line man, it just seemed so lame, and not as powerful as tha rest of your verse...i dont think u needed to put that in there to be honest!!



^^ Anutha tremendous line...very well thought out and put...

All In All, i wasnt disappointed, i think with a lil' practice & elevation, you could be a talented artist...i'd like to hear this in audio really...

Keep on postin, and if ya got any audio's let me know so i can hear em...

Take care...

Peace n god bless.

dawg this was ill! bout time to see some long drops that are worth reading! nice lines they flowed well. i got a long drop coming holla at it!



ayo keep it up and check out some of my drops!

Thanks guys, really appreciate the responds. I gotta work on my skills a bit more, thanks for the help. Im gonna do a collab with the Madd Professor so thatt'll probly be the next one i post.

Peace

this was tight, the first two lines of your hook were ill, props and yeah, we gonna post up a collab in a bit, get done with your verse, and maybe i will


signed,
~madd

This shit was aight,..vocab needs some ups though,...keep elevatin'. Peep my new work called "When Caskets Close,..." and lemme know what you think. Thanks dawg

DeVine
~Mind Theoriez~
*Reppin' Till The Day I Die*

This was aight man, a good attempt at a storyline verse, this verse had both power, and had some iLL lines, othertimes it didnt look as sharp as it could be, wordplay was simplistic, some mtaphors were impressive and caught my eye... Think ya need to elevate over a 1-2 kinda flow, ya scheme is simplistic and ya need to throw in something different... Multies were shown, I think more are needed, together with internal rhymes, and it could smoothen your flow... The wordplay was working, metaphors were nice, and some heartfelt lines, some of the punches were awful though, and you prolly know which ones... The idea was positive a good concept, and ya showed your strengths and your potential, jus keep working to improve yourself... Keep spitting and elevating...

Peez...