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| Phenom | Kingz | Dabatos | TonySelf | Tha Q | Half Breed | Tito | 7th End | RV Radio  |
12-11-05, 03:22 AM
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#1
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.L.B.S. PUSHER.
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A Desire In One's Heart.
IP: 4283 C604
thinking bout you day and night
Wonderin if your the gurl to make my like right Knowin that I could be wrong Makes me turn on them sad slow songs But then again I think of you And say to myself What would happen if she was my boo So now Im writing this to you Cause I want you to know that I want to get to know you I want to be able to call you mine some day And I want my friends to see you as my babee But thats down the line and might take some time But I dont care cause your worth all my time
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12-11-05, 01:38 PM
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#2
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All these Dead Presidents
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IP: 20E8 620D
Ok, this piece was decent. Your structure was quite choppy but you had good emotion. Your vocab wasnt that great, or your play on words. I was really looking forward to something more in depth and emotional than this but, it came out decent.
Leave feed on my piece.. its in the sig.. 1
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- Chryme Syndicate - so - S T F U - My Literature
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12-14-05, 07:30 PM
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#3
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.L.B.S. PUSHER.
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IP: 295D 9CED
yea i got u on the structure. buh i didnt know howd to put it.. buh yea thanks again. uppin for some more .
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