Aisle 5 - Don't Push Me
Handcuffs - Look!!
LM feat. Executive - We Livin' In A Hell

This is my second open mic.... it's a tad secretive, hides alot of things... it's about how i got into the rap game, and what effect it's had on me, how it has changed my life.... i felt i needed to write this cos i've been going through alot of shit recently, and rap has been something that has changed my life for good and bad... i also took on a different flow in this piece to what i usually do.... all feedback is appreciated..... peace

I was just a little kid, presented with a rap tape
The swearin' was my fave bit, resentment to that fate
Would soon arise, years after my neighbour came round
Like the moon in the sky, what I heard was truth in my eyes
When I inserted the tape, it meant I flirted with fate
And it played on my weak points, like a blade to my knee-joints
I was instantly hooked, but slowly became blistered and shook
It was just musical fun, never thought of choosin' to run
Away from it, while I still had a possible chance
Of escapin' unscathed from it before the obstacled path
Formed in front of me, further on in my reality flight
Before the storm could thunder me, before the hordes hunted me
The legions of spirits that would speak in the lyrics
In secretive whispers to a once appreciative listener
Me, I eventually turned to detrimentally burn
By spittin' the same ill rhymes I once used to kill time
Grown on the image of the streets, a vision of fame
Was implanted through the beats into a listener's brain
A sudden decision was made, I wanted to speak my mind
I want to have risen to fame, but I envisioned the chains
Instead, that bound my thoughts, thanks to the surround sound I bought
There's more anger to see, somehow their pain was transfered to me
Now I use these rhymes to help relax and infuse my mind
With a false image of peace I was never privelleged to keep
It would always end, right after the fuckin' music stopped
The way this dark hallway bends, I really think I'm lost
Life is tragic, and I don't think it's gettin' better
The mic's a habit, but I feel small like a rabbit
Always seekin' asylum while life strings like a violin
Swirves off the only safe course like a wrongly played chord
Now I'm lost in the bushes, mentally squashed like a cushion
On a road to no where, it's hard to breathe this cold air
So I use rap for release, but I still see blacked out visions
What attracted me to this? It's rap magnetism

not bad...ya kept the concept going pretty much the whole way through.

sum thoughtz:

When I inserted the tape, it meant I flirted with fate

I want to have risen to fame, but I envisioned the chains

^^^both these lines had great ideas but i thought the wordplay could have been better. sumthin like
'.....i must have flirted with fate'
and
'I aspired to attain fame...'
might have made em really flow.


A sudden decision was made, I wanted to speak my mind

^^^dope line...totally relate


The mic's a habit, but I feel small like a rabbit

^^^wierd...only point that kinda stuck out to me

Swirves off the only safe course like a wrongly played chord

^^^nice lyric.

ye..n the last line was a good cap to it.

keep up yo.

thanks for all the feedback..... appreciated... thanks again

Yeah I agree with Dek81. Some good lyrics and some weird lyrics. Flow and concept was good all the way through tho and I liked it. Wordplay could of been improved but the peice was good without amazin wordplay.
Good work

__________________

HARRY R.I.P
1940 - 2002

In Respect

ty.. keep it coming.... up

"When I inserted the tape, it meant I flirted with fate
And it played on my weak points, like a blade to my knee-joints" I found dis line rather effective, I like the use of similes in here an your good with couplets, rhyming structure on point... wordplay... well just put it this way I seen better from you , but still captures my everlasting mind by presenting me with what you wanated to say... top knox!!!

How bout some feed bk on my thread 'What I think of RB (really)'

peace!!!

^ sure, i'll check your thread out... thanks for the feedback......... peace

thought this was a pretty decent drop, liked the concept, and you seemed to keep on topic. the flow was good through most, but fell off a couple of times, but other than that sum tight shit.....Pc dawg..........oh an thnx for feed'n mine

^ thanks for the comment.... peace

up

dope man

9/10

up

up

This shit is not off-the-hook or dope... it's insane shit you know?
Who can do this so well with the double-lines and shit like that?
i guess i'm just at a time where i need a break...10/10...sumathebest shit i seen on here in weeks.