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01-03-04, 09:51 PM | #1 | ||||||
Guest
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Changin Lanes (just quick drop)
IP: 1FDF 4BFE
http://www.rapbattles.com/forum/sho...546#post1047546
http://www.rapbattles.com/forum/sho...580#post1047580 http://www.rapbattles.com/forum/sho...613#post1047613 At the age of eleven my only weapon-was-hope, Never succeeded just fuckin let-them-provoke, Now I reckon that I'm only steppin-for-coc, Thats cause motha needed days but only got seconds-ta-cope, I'm either homeless or homely her selection-was-nope, Couldnt work no more so the correction-was-dope, Now on my own alone at home I've been livin-well, Lookin for homies with lonely tones ta give-em-hell, Be laughin at mothafucka's when my rythemn-sell, But fa now gots ta worry bout that prison-cell, But all my shit still be flowin if I can help-it, Cause only real mothfucka's get delt-wit, But now I think that I 'shouldnt-beef' I lost-ma-rage and you got fuckin 'wooden-teeth' all across-the-stage Try ta change lanes and end up on the opposite-side, Had ta pay dearly cause I said I ~want-ta-get-high~, Check it out boys let me know what u think peace |
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01-04-04, 01:37 AM | #2 | ||||
Free Agent
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IP: 4C2C 8E82
Nice multi usage... This is a nice drop... The flow is solid and consistent in ur writtings....
To make this drop better, U can try to make it alot longer and include some captivite wordplay in your verse... Keep dropping em dogg....
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01-04-04, 02:54 AM | #3 | ||||||
Guest
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IP: 8920 92C7
you gotta be a writer who just discovered multis since the whole piece was centre on their usage. although they were good multis you sacrificed making sense in order to have them in every line, explore specific topics and stronger vocab and youll be on your way to dopeness.
keep writing. |
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01-04-04, 08:21 AM | #4 | |||||||
1E
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IP: 5AF5 5CA5
i agree this was too concentrated on multis, then you even felt you needed to point them out..... you need a broader scheme going... to even it out.... jus work on it...pZ....
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01-04-04, 09:56 AM | #5 | ||||||
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IP: 7A38 2D7B
good flow short and sweet, like it your vocab was aiight keep droppin...
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01-04-04, 11:13 AM | #6 | |||||||
Flyweight
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IP: C1DA C961
nICE,Nice,,.....Very Nice........Deep ish..............Got me interested in it................Keep it up and Elevate dawg
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01-04-04, 11:23 AM | #7 | |||||||
Guest
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IP: AD2D 1056
this was dope, flow was cool..nice multies
liked this part the most... Quote:
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01-04-04, 11:58 AM | #8 | ||||||
Guest
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IP: 1FDF 4BFE
thanks guys, I just wanted too say, It's not too concentrated on multi's... it's just not concentrated at all on meta's or wordplay.
But I appreciate all the Feedback good or bad. peace |
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01-04-04, 03:13 PM | #9 | ||||||
Guest
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IP: D2D9 E42F
good multi's... stay focused
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01-04-04, 07:06 PM | #10 | ||||
Word.
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IP: DD10 0DFF
Yeah this was alright i thought.....your structure in this was alright, could use a touch up in a few spots though but it was still good overall.....you had some good multies through out the piece, keep that up....Your flow in this was alright, it stayed on point....keep at it.
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01-04-04, 07:26 PM | #11 | |||||||
I Like Males More
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IP: ACF8 CCBB
its aight, better work more though, better rhymes but made sense.
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