take a piece of iron, scorch it in the fire, let it represent my burning desire,
take it out, and comense to drive it like a steak through my heart, cuz thats the indepth feeling i get when we are apart,

assuming its mutual.. i act on my feelings.
when in truth my heart alone seems to be that willing
but in essence i was blessed with a composure, or stature, to be stronger or better and withstain the shock there after

and i relieve the pain in my soul time and time again,
and i recall that episode even though it seems to never end,
and i reminisce the days of old when it was easy to grin,
and yet its seems to be all an abyss...a mirage in the desert sand,
scorching my tungue as i drink from the harsh land covering..
my soul without the capability to withstand...
..the upmost amount of tribulations dropped on the shoulders of the villagers weakest link causin the whole damn vilage to sink and yet...

the love thats brought all this on is still in the mist...sealed by the fate of that first kiss...


the love thats brought all this on is still in the mist...sealed by the fate of that first kiss...

Attached Images

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Alright nice words man i enjoyed--Who is the girl though--if that was or is your girl double nice.lol werd

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LOL man thats One of my Pigeons.......actually the poem went to here/....

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very nice poem...even nicer girl damnnn she madd fine aight holla bak nice poem 1

LOL X did you like my poem or the girl...lol Yo thnx for showin some luv unlike some people......wun

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yeah lots of haters in boards you just need to get used to it. I think i liked the girl more than the poem but the poem was tight.lol

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I'm not gonna reply to that haters remark...
I liked the poem, the girl was pretty too
For the poem, the vocabulary was big, a mark of intellegence mos def but, (you can call me stupid if you want to) I really feel like it takes away from the poem when huge words are put side by side throughout the whole thing. It makes a person contantly have to go back and think, "ok, what does that mean again?" I liked the 3 lines where you wrote "and I re..." that was good. I just didn't like the big words, I don't want you to think that I'm "hating" on you or anything, I don't want you to think I'm stupid either, I understand the words, I just think they take away from what the peice could be. I had a friend who did the same thing and it took him forever to realize what I was talking about.

lol alright please dont listen to that ignorant peace of criticism. If hip hop looses its intellect then im done.

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HAHAHAHAHAHAHA YO ANy comments am up to it.....Thunda i respect yo oppinion......but ama tell u this it wus my kinda way of doing the poem i decided to put them big words next to eachother because when people reading stuff and see that bog words they be like wow is ok some people don't understand but that doesnt make you stupid na'mean.............

And Deacon.....crazy mothafucka...lol Yo emmh i bet you liked the gurl better than the poem...lol did u even read it trully...am fuckin wit you.... Thnx for the feedbacks anywayzzzzzzz

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I never said loose all the big words I just said space them out a little bit more... and I know it was your way of writting and i definatly appreciate that I was just making a sugestion. But I guess since newbies (deacon) know everything I was wrong in my opinion... peace

LOOOL Thunda....yeaa dawg i feel what you saying wun

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Erm...

...what is everyone going on about?...the slightly more 'complicated' vocab seemed to be spaced out well enough, and it wasn't like there was too much of it either...it was all more than understandable...not too complex in vocab at all really...just smooth and eloquent in a way...

anyway, liked the approach you took to this piece...had a unique like style that few people can pull off...vocab was used to good effect, not too complex, but not too simple either...

....respect..

*shakes head* the girl pic...im not gonna start on...

the flow was coo...voacb was there...just not a whole piece...seemed incomplete and ya structure wasnt there...the beginning was strong..the rest waddnt there towards the end....

holla

one..hunnet

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freelance

RN Vs RB WAR!!....yr 2000...vet~~YEA I SAID VET!! WHAT YOU WANT ME TO PROVE IT? STEP THEN YOU FUCKING HOMO'S

i was feelin it...that was sweet