aight heres two battle verses i made against two different people tell me wot u think..........

[laugh] look at ‘Luke Thurlow’
ayo he got less flow den Choobbaka and hand so-lo,
cruising through tha galaxy at high speeds/
who needs booze ‘Luke’ u amusing me to easily,
I thought we were battle rapping?/
standing wit ur mouth open fly catching,
yeh shit does happen but I didn’t think it came out ur gob/
yo if emcee’in woz in classes “hey ima snob”,
spittin my shit to ollie twist/
spittin ur shit like its dissin me,
u better quit quickerly before u submit to a suicidal fatality
n get hit lyricly/ a mimic of electric exorcist, withdrawing tha happiness from ur chest at high pressure compressed till u callapse/
hittin wit so hard contact u cant react, it’s a fact u wont leave dis battle intact/
perhaps u should go back home and pick up a pencil,
use tha utensil to produce a sensible rhyme/
instead of dis wack ass lines u speaking,
u aint worth competing coz my mental words are creditable, invincible to be infused by my opposition/
my position is too tense to not release my fusion

[2]
my style neva fades away its a renegade,
mind made to slave ur brain changing its maintain to insane,
crumbling like clay ina palige of 2 mill rats,
hoo listend to craig chattin like he all dat ,
blah bloo blah yo u aint gonna get too far,
woz dat suppose to be a punch in dat bar?
Mo like a raw compliment bout my bra
Ill tell ur doc-tor to prevent ur treatment
coz u cant teach a whack emcee how to speak n bounce to tha beat
yo dats suminc u cant do u can be who?
U cant be me never be on tha level of roxy
Tha majority of me sayin let him leave
Tha rest disagrees telling u to bleed
My words r tha nightmare to ur fear
Reacting dracular bittin ur neck till ur nearves screem
Pleed for mercey im rockin tha earth see
Tha looniest dopest ferocious femcee
walkin dis world like a pulse eater, illest speeker, dream seeker, mic freaker

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im capable of anything my amagination can give me wings, like doves flyin over streets watching many things//Nas

ha, i think ur responses to him were great- ya better have beat him on that battle, nice nice- i could use some advice from ya with my raps- see whatcha can do- for now, keep that style up-

thanx PeaseDEase, wot u need help on? yeh i hope ima win too or ill look like a fool im still confused on wen we battlin

__________________
im capable of anything my amagination can give me wings, like doves flyin over streets watching many things//Nas

First Of All, Dont Talk About Urself In A Battle.....Thats What Open Mics Are For.......Just Throw Punches And Personals........And About That Roc The Mic Or Sit Down And Write Question.....Do Both..... Write Ya Verse, Then Roc The Mic With That Verse!!!!

ELEVATE. that's first off 2. i'm not trying to diss but i wasn't feeling any of those. what the hell is "he got less flow then choobaka and han solo
crusin thorugh the galaxy at high speeds" that was just wack, what does no flow and han solo got to do with anything? alot of your attempted punchlines didn't make any sense IE what the hell is open fly catching is that some UK diss? ELEVATE
_________________________________________________
Death poems are mere delusion
Death is death
-SAMAUARI POEM

__________________
I'M ILLER THAN YOU
"Im bout to make it famous, so you can take you J-O-B and shove up your anus" -Techn9ne

"I knew god hated me, created me, and threw me on a planet thats afraid of me"-Ill Bill

"Hit bongs bigger than indoor pools
On treez like ewoks screamin "Endor Rules"-Fo'tryll

"Ur only alive till ur dead"-Royce 5'9"

www.soundclick.com/fo'trill

the second flow was better but they were not all that good keep droppin and practicing and listinen to "all" advice whether good or bad and try it. try a more consistant rhyme structure, neva talk bout yourself, concentrate on the one u battlin, thats just my advice take it or leave it, sup to u
2

another god idea is to listen to a battle no one has heard then write the lyrics down and post it

__________________
I'M ILLER THAN YOU
"Im bout to make it famous, so you can take you J-O-B and shove up your anus" -Techn9ne

"I knew god hated me, created me, and threw me on a planet thats afraid of me"-Ill Bill

"Hit bongs bigger than indoor pools
On treez like ewoks screamin "Endor Rules"-Fo'tryll

"Ur only alive till ur dead"-Royce 5'9"

www.soundclick.com/fo'trill

aight thanx fo tha replys ima elivate, yo SyNiKaL 'mouth open fly catchin'= like wen ur mouths open flys can get it, it aint nutin to do wit were im at.
'fo'trill' i aint no copywrite kinda bycth i write my own dont want no1 elses. peace
~roX~

__________________
im capable of anything my amagination can give me wings, like doves flyin over streets watching many things//Nas

some pretty wack shit in ur lyrics and a few bars dont even rhyme
keep it up though

PRACTICE MAKES PERFCT just keep worken at it...the verses were decent but just kep rhymen...aight holla ak 1

aight cheers 'X Ecution' ayo 'fgee' if u gonna coment give me sum good feedback wot dont ryhme? wot i need to work on? eh?
peace ~roX~

__________________
im capable of anything my amagination can give me wings, like doves flyin over streets watching many things//Nas

that was tight

aight cheers mr.spit much love peace

__________________
im capable of anything my amagination can give me wings, like doves flyin over streets watching many things//Nas

ayo, that shit is raw. I got no complaints. wish i could here it with a beat.
keep spitt'n that shit.
Holla,
JVibe