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| Phenom | Kingz | Dabatos | TonySelf | Tha Q | Half Breed | Tito | 7th End | RV Radio  |
02-16-04, 11:35 AM
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#1
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Odi et Amo
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Creezzzzzzzie
IP: C962 44DD
'Creezzzzzzzzie'
(Hot,tall,totally creezie,sweet like candy, rich_lil_gangsta) When i first saw u, didn't know what to think. I thought you were a big showoff, always acting tough against your friends. But i noticed you're sweeter than i imagined,you're all right! The only problem is that it ain't gonna happen between us coz... Ya don't know me, you only hear them talk bad 'bout me, they're calling me a slut and they're telling u not to believe me. But just look in my eyes, would never lie to u, you're always on my mind, i'm freakin' out when i'm not close to u! Or u sure it ain't gonna happen? Coz ya don't know what you're missin', i would give u everything, my soul, my mind, my heart... You're my extasy, you make me high, higher than the best stuff u can buy! I know that we haven't really talked yet but things can change, i wanna do anything just to make u see that we belong together! I love the way you goof around, always hangin' with your friends. I'm creezie 'bout the way you shoot some pool, you're so hot... Everytime u walk by, my friends need to bring me back down to earth coz you're not mine.Doesn't matter how much i like u, if u don't want me, there's nothing i can do about it... Tried to wear fancy clothes, dress up, call u, but that didn't help a bit. But i keep on tryin coz i see a little spark in your eyes when u look @ me, so maybe it's not over yet... U know what,if u really feel somethin' for me,it won't bother u what your friends or other peepz say. So what's it gonna be? Do u want me or do i have to find another man? I'm goin' creezie! *Just started with writing some stuff so don't shoot me, got plenty of things i need to learn but i'm doin' everyhing i can so what'd u think? |
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02-16-04, 12:29 PM
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#2
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Drop Of Genius
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IP: DF7B C8F7
Erm I wont shoot ya but....
This was poor Your structure seriously needs sortin out, as does your rhymin, imagination and originality....basically everythin. You need a lot of practice to elevate but the more you practice the better you'll get. Drop a comment on mine...link is in my sig |
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02-16-04, 03:08 PM
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#3
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Odi et Amo
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IP: C962 44DD
Thanks, yeah i know, this wasn't a very serious one, my first i've writtin actually. I'll practice, btw, if you got some good advice, it's more than welcome
 ... |
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02-16-04, 03:34 PM
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#4
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Banned: Spamming
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IP: 4779 5259
I'm not really into stuff like this...^^
^Like LM said you do need a bit of work...but we all do..so...good luck on your next piece...~Click~Click~my sig~~~...Broken Dreams.. |
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02-16-04, 03:41 PM
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#5
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Odi et Amo
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IP: C962 44DD
Thanks, btw, your Broken Dreams are superb! I'm into some deeper stuff right now (this first text was written a few months ago, got more serious issues to write about right now, i'm working hard
 )...didn't really ay attention to my rhymin acutally (oops ), got better lyrics (more serious) but they're in Dutch so y'all won't understand them too bad actually, but i'll try to translate them... |
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