quick keystyle i did

walkin through the maze trying to reach my goal
finding the key to success watchin the truth unfold
is life ever perfect never tragic i think not
without conflict well never grow just give it a thought
so im ready
ready to face the lingering storms
never trusting anybody but myself cuz their truth is deformed
they lie and they tear ur soul apart
cuz they dont have ur best intersts at heart
so im walkin still walkin in the maze
coming to another turn passing through another phase
now im not even sure wat my goal is
why is my mind fading in to the abyss
stress deceptions and lies from close friends choking me
never letting me free so i can be wat im destined to be
i try to cut the rope but i cant do it alone
im going deeper and the pit is encased in stone
i try to claw myself out but there is no hope
cuz im still choking drugs were the rope
but then i see a glitter from above
my parents had come to show me some love
they raise me up take me high away fom the mess
and moved me to a another location so i can reflect
where my life was going i guess i took a wrong turn
now thank god that i can return
to the right path still fight valiently
fighting the temptations and succedding to sum decree

uppin for sum feed peepz i want to see wat i can work on

nice rhytm and flow of things man
shit was cool
creative and compelling in a way
nice shit man really though
expand more on your vocab and usage man
cus yours seemed to basic

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tahnx for the feed cuhzes like i said im new to this still tryin to learn.. lol uppin for more feed

Good Imagery, Bad structure, flow was kinda off...overall a decent drop 4/10
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Best line -
walkin through the maze trying to reach my goal
finding the key to success watchin the truth unfold-
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Worst line -
ready to face the lingering storms
never trusting anybody but myself cuz their truth is deformed

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I Beat Up Asshole Fathers For Free

My Space

Quote:

Originally Posted by Indeph Lyricalsolja you illy on the sickness tip.

not sure it belongs in poetic scriptures, but i'll give u feed anyways... i didn't particularly appreciate the "flow" of it, the length of ur lines and # of syllables varied too much not to notice... nice concept, pretty creative writing, but you could increase your variance went it come to vocab, a couple spots sounded repetitive... overall, nice piece playa, lookin foward to more, keep writing...

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"I don't want to be deep... I want to feel deep and use that feeling to express depth itself..."
-Konchance

my poetry:
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