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Old 07-10-06, 04:11 AM   #1
Journal!st
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Willnova vs. Pakaveli

IP: D40E 67D5

Ok so it's week 3. You must drop a minumum of 16 lines and try and keep the amount of lines even ish.

If you are unsure about the rules then click here

ok.
check in by thursday
drop by sunday
voting ends tuesday


write to your own topic
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Old 07-10-06, 04:12 AM   #2
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The Chosen Guidance

Vision shrouded by the many lies of contented men
Glorified many scenarios of luck giving praise to Zen
But don’t you see the atrocity the malfunctioned lives
That were affected by the lies told in tales of old wives
The frail form of function to injunction the attractions
That were placed on conceptions formed by contraptions
That were created by men yet told as if made by Gods
Yet one day they will all crumble on weather worn sods
.
Still the man believes benefactors will guide his ways
He sways yet believes the Gods will cut through the haze
The metallic sheen of a lacklustre tin tinted heart
Ticks away and never displaces the view on the worldly art
Never understood therefore, he ridiculed the theory of fate
He aggravated the beliefs on faith and thought of no blissful state
So when God took vengeance and unlatched the avenger of deaths
The first to die were the men who challenged God in all their breaths
.
They were guided by the technological Gods of machines
Never understood the mythical fogs only believed in neon beams


this is pakaveli's drop so will nova your turn. by today you have to drop
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Old 07-10-06, 01:38 PM   #3
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guess I'm checkin in again, I'll write my verse later today......
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Old 07-10-06, 06:23 PM   #4
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pages of remedy

guidance subsidin in writings that enlighten
heightened inditings so strinking and enticing
advice towards vices, healing for our crisis
King James licensed binding of letters sold priceless
sightless given knowledge, captives un-bondage
fawning a sense of calming from the one I pay homage
prominent involvment for immanent preservation
in pages arrainging from genesis to revelations
authenticated aspiration reigning in situation.
over pegans plaguing the world wit mis-interpretation
valued relation, the words showing manifestation
promotin patient knowing God is always adjacent
accept no immitation, science of medicine is malevolent
its evident that the source of life can only be relevant
elegance in three benevolent sources to form the trinity
the energy towards divinity comes from the pages of remedy
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Last edited by Silent. : 07-10-06 at 08:41 PM.
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Old 07-10-06, 08:40 PM   #5
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its ok ill edit it together....

and uh i killed those lines cus its wack my dude so good luck ill vote later
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Old 07-10-06, 09:49 PM   #6
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Nice verse WIll, G/L
 
Old 07-12-06, 04:27 AM   #7
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uh ...my vote goes to paka....more complex, more depth in emotion and vocaba nd story telling..nova dropped good but i felt that paka came more interesting and he caught my eye right away!...
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Old 07-12-06, 05:07 PM   #8
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I felt that Pakavelli dropped better. He had a more complex (if a little played) concept and followed it up quite well. Willnova you've improved a lot since your first battle and are now using multies very well. However, I felt in your verse you used too many and focused on the flow rather than the content and imagery. There wasn't much complexity in your verse and that let your piece down. Also you came with some very obvious and bland lines such as:

Quote:
Originally Posted by Willnova
accept no immitation, science of medicine is malevolent
its evident that the source of life can only be relevant


I mean that was stating the obvious to the extreme and made your piece looks fairly newbish.

Quote:
Originally Posted by Pakavelli
The frail form of function to injunction the attractions
That were placed on conceptions formed by contraptions
That were created by men yet told as if made by Gods
Yet one day they will all crumble on weather worn sods


That was nice by Pakavelli, but the wording could have been better. The rhyme scheme in his piece was dry at times and that stunted the flow. But I felt he won because his piece was more complex and better executed.

V/ Pakavelli

Last edited by Appocolyptik : 07-12-06 at 05:11 PM.
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Old 07-12-06, 05:12 PM   #9
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Pakavelli wins 2-0

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