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| Phenom | Kingz | Dabatos | TonySelf | Tha Q | Half Breed | Tito | 7th End | RV Radio  |
08-17-05, 06:46 AM
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#1
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The Ones You Love The Most Die First.Pt1
IP: 68F3 D87D
This OM is more of a story than a song.... Dedicated to MiSk For All those albums lol!!!! Mad Knight Mizz Fyre Because in the end the ones we have loved and still love Are the ones to past away first with the gleaming white dove Day by day I was losing my tite grip on his hand due to another thing Unbearable but unknown we still wait for what tomorrow has to bring My love infatuation with this man is crumbling in front of my own eyes I can not let him go to another relationship all due to those horrible lies Idea’s of every kind, good or bad and maybe evil, run through my mind Love which was once so beautiful, has now kept common sense so blind Time which could have solved it all, now pasted, no time for patience Tick of the clock,new frustration,thoughts which include so much desperation Trapped inside of 4 white walls,emotions locked in like convicts in prision Evil thoughts the newest calls,to my mind but these are not newly arisen ‘If I can not have him in my arms neither can the world of people’ Murder springs to mind, but the thoughts of it are o so simple… I dim the lights, I’m overcome with emotion and feeling so frightened A knock on the door, I’m shaking, my grip on the knife is tightened I let him in, slowly I raise the knife up to his face, and then I shout Dinners nearly ready, do you want your favourite with fries or without Ugh, what was I thinking, I couldn’t do it, how could I make a stand When his smile captures my every sensation, I’m always at his command This murder I should have planned, then I glance casually to the side See a concoction of drugs, into his meal this is what I’m able to provide I lay it carefully on the table, call his name, asking if he’d like a drink He waves his hand abruptly, “I’m not hungry he says “I need to think” Right now I’m on the brink, I need a weapon, but where can I find Something instant, the kind that could easily make this man blind His bedroom doors open, hello I scream, but there’s no reply I see the gun lying on the floor, I’m thinking this is goodbye But wait…..now its gone, I look up to his eyes, fear the worst He kills me with one burst, how did he manage to get to me first………. Thank You for Reading Mine And Mizz Fyres Collab. When You Leave Feed Could You Say If You Would Like To See A Follow On eg.Pt2 of the OM!!! __________________________ http://community.rapverse.com/showthread.php?t=204328 http://community.rapverse.com/showthread.php?t=202826 Last edited by Mad Knight : 08-17-05 at 07:02 AM. |
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08-17-05, 06:57 AM
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#2
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QU3 M! D3$T!NO 3$ M! UN!CO 3N3M!GO
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IP: 00A2 4ED0
it was nice....good imagery....strutcure and flow was iight.......it was good collab I liked it....nice piece thats all i can say...emotion was there as well as good imagery ecerything was on point it was a lil nice OM I give it a 8/10
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08-17-05, 06:57 AM
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#3
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Evolution
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IP: 0DD2 7DAA
dope... i liekd this alot man.. mk your deffo improving qwit every om you make... mizz fire your verse was real nice. vocab was ite. emotion was ok. structure was better than mk's and the story line u used i could follow better... mk your emotion was decent vocab was good, imagination was pretty decent overall this is a solid om nice work both of you
i fink u should do a part 2 Last edited by E.C : 08-17-05 at 08:51 AM. |
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08-17-05, 08:09 AM
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#4
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©
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IP: 68F3 D87D
thanx for your feedbakk
 Uppin |
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08-17-05, 09:11 AM
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#5
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Nt Your Average
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IP: B978 01E4
nice on point good vocab good structure erm...............overall 9/10 keep up u gettin good at this good emotion as well anyway tell me wot u think of me bien in the crew in ll tryouts
__________________
OYD MAFIA
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08-17-05, 09:12 AM
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#6
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©
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IP: 68F3 D87D
I have...............do u think i should do a part 2????
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08-17-05, 09:20 AM
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#7
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Champion
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IP: D92D 8CF8
Damn im feelin ure style definitely.............this was really good....i wanna see pt 2...great vocab...good imagery...good topic...8/10
good job
__________________
www.soundclick.com/dollaback
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08-17-05, 09:25 AM
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#8
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WhoAreYou?
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IP: A181 D033
yeh do a part 2 for real.....
i was feelin the emotion in this piece. you two both came strong and this piece felt well thought out and was enjoyable to read..... keep it up and can you RTF on my collabo wid intermental |
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08-17-05, 09:27 AM
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#9
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©
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IP: 68F3 D87D
Ye i will fo sho
I didnt know what peeps would think of this but you seem to like it lol |
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08-17-05, 10:39 AM
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#10
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IP: 22E5 DE19
nice nice.....lets see.......
mk:nice vocab,nice structure, flow could be better, lot of motions.....gd imagenary..... mf:samekind of verse like has mks.....nice structure,better flow than mks,but someparts were out of topic...or maybe not but that closer was something new,strange.... nice collab.............................
__________________
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08-17-05, 11:06 AM
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#11
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Banned: Biting
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IP: 1F87 F7ED
shit mizz i dont think i have ever read any of ya work that was average or weak....
mad knight not sure if this is the 1st time me check'in out ya stuff but this was good... flow was onpoint.. creativeness was onpoint i like the story ya pick and how ya went about it... emotion: was all there i felt every bar as if i was there... topic twist: was good the way ya end it was good, and those parts where u tryed to kill him but couldnt only to get killed nicely done.. all around good work.... 10/10 WHY NOT IT WAS WORTH IT!!.... |
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08-17-05, 11:07 AM
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#12
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Banned: Biting
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IP: 1F87 F7ED
PLEZ RTF...............
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08-17-05, 11:20 AM
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#13
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©
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IP: 68F3 D87D
thanx dawg i will rtf tonite!!!!
Uppin |
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08-17-05, 11:32 AM
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#14
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Just searching.
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IP: 3240 794D
You want to see a strange collab look at Os1's and mine. RTF, and I swear to god if you two don't I will be seriously pissed off, at least one of you is fine, because I leave feed all the goddamn time but never have it RTF'd.
Little so say. Both had decent verses, decent structure and flow, decent imagery, nothing caught my eye, the vocabulary was okay, 'people' and 'simple' don't rhyme, blah-blah-blah. 7.5/10 |
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08-17-05, 01:20 PM
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#15
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©
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IP: 68F3 D87D
and that is moi!!!!lol
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