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| Phenom | Kingz | Dabatos | TonySelf | Tha Q | Half Breed | Tito | 7th End | RV Radio  |
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02-06-04, 06:56 PM
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#1
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Suspended Suspense
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A Split Soul
IP:
religious beliefs, caught within the grasp of society
prodigious grief, brought in the midst of sobriety I violently weep over the death of an ethereal essence I silently seek for a fresh breath from the beasts presence Its a matter of seconds, spanned over the width of an hour to be shattered by weapons, with a metaphysical power a spiritual coward, with a constant adage that seeks war and to devour, the distant salvation that conceals my core The Devils at my door, I feel his unceasing taxing tempations It wasn't as hard before, to deal with the defeating frustrations repeating sensations take hold and carry me through oblivion retreating expectations break, fold, and bury me as an amphion... Amphion:a native of two places, basically somebody submit this for open mic of the month Last edited by SplitSouL : 02-06-04 at 08:28 PM. |
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02-06-04, 07:06 PM
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#2
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Banned: Spamming
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IP:
Remember me?
You claimed i did not understand one of ur previous pieces. Yet i am in the crew you just joined.. As leader..co-leader..or w/e but leader none the less. Anyways...on with this piece then. Short..comes first to mind.. & somehow this gave me a poetic feel..for some reason. Not because of the flow or structure but.. I guess i can't really explain it, but let me tell you..it isnt a bad thing. All i can say is..that i liked it. Good array of words..good frame & flow.. so basically..good. Though it has to be said..Longer please. |
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02-06-04, 07:13 PM
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#3
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Flyweight
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IP:
Flow - very nice structure
Vocab - very well done Concept - interesting as said above it could be longer. Overall - 8.5 |
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02-06-04, 07:15 PM
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#4
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Suspended Suspense
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IP:
thank you, I would have written it longer, but I couldn't find another word that rhymed with oblivion lol, except amphibian, and that just wouldn't go. so instead of fuckin the flow up, i just left it as is. Thanks for the feedback, any more?
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02-06-04, 07:20 PM
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#5
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Flyweight
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IP:
meridian? , lots of elements (iridium, etc.)
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02-06-04, 08:17 PM
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#6
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Banned: Spamming
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IP:
This was decent..nice short piece..with a decent message??...anyway I like your structure ..you had a good scheme going on...along with a good flow...peace..
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02-06-04, 08:28 PM
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#7
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New to RB
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IP:
This was a good piece. The rhyme scheme was ill, which lead to a great flow and easy read. Nice vocab (exept the last word...I never heard it
 ). It was overall, a good drop. Worth a read. Keep up the good work.Please drop feedback here: http://www.rapbattles.com/forum/showthread.php?t=112603 |
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02-06-04, 11:01 PM
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#8
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Suspended Suspense
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IP:
anymore?
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02-07-04, 03:00 AM
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#9
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Mass Apeal
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IP:
loved it cuz, Right now I'm high, and reading that made me jump a little, I love the multis, word structure, your flow was gangsta, nice topic, good shit cuz, keep spittin...
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02-08-04, 11:53 PM
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#10
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New to RB
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IP:
Yo dunny this piece was maddness... i was feelin it... prolly from what these other cats are feelin... i relate to it a lil better maybe ... clueless... nice ness dunny... had me on some spit ish... good ... all thru... keep at it... On3
__________________
~Sitting In Elevation Position~ Free Agent Just A Sick Newbie Murked - Lust Lost - None |
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