Cares less if ya back to text, just get off da apex of my bone
Either you were banned or just have a bad alias...if not
This the underfunded version of the Attack of the clones
Dont think cuz u rhyme u can start shinning with me
Only reason you shine when you rhyme is cuz u shining with teeth
And that yellow is blinding to me,So stop tryna piss in my zone
Is kinda sad that ya urine n ya teeth coincide witcha skin tone
Stop worrying about me brushing up on my skills
When you need to start brushing up on ya grill
But anyways......
I guess you really wanna see some tight lines in sixteens
No worry i'll make the fit,i'll just post a pic of the tight linen of ya jeans
Lets switch the scene with time in a crunch.
We can do this punch for punch...or eye for eye and be blind in this race
I pick option two, cuz it better than having to see your ugly face
I swear...your worst then ugly broads on them matchmaker communities
These false personals I got emunity
But i do give you a thumbs up, for bringin something new to me
This bottle cap label came back like niggas really need ya game
Right now, RV the opposite of Cheers, Because nobody knows ya name

__________________

Project List

The Classick Mixtape Vol (8/18)
Age Of Consent Mixtape Vol 1(16/16)
The Classick Album(2/16)
S&S Express E.P.(1/10)

Lot of back to back shit. Stay tuned.

Flow like acrobatics, to rip threw your aparatus, decreasin your status
Cuz ya flows get sent to the corner more than active crack attics
Im dope like coke processed plants, comming from the process plants
While ya flow gets less fluid like cancerous prostate glands
Every tryout line you dropped in my crew, resembles Deju vus
Played concept rhymes from back in the day I used
I never seen someone wanna be down with my crew so much
Tryna scream Trigga Town Up, Is makin ya seem like a Trigga Town Slut
Don't rock Avys like you really sick, when the battle you bout to loose
Verses is like Mortal Kombat,I slice this Saibot and leave'em as the Noob
This Kids I problem, Watch me solve em, I bring it back, then use da condom
Only way he got my bitches on his back, is when he got his mom behind em

__________________

Project List

The Classick Mixtape Vol (8/18)
Age Of Consent Mixtape Vol 1(16/16)
The Classick Album(2/16)
S&S Express E.P.(1/10)

Lot of back to back shit. Stay tuned.

TO TEF:

He so gay, a guy robbed this fag and Final wanted to ravage the man
It didn't happen in Time Square but he still wanted what the Manhattan his pants
^ME vs FINAL
This didn't really work. Its creative, but its forced, you'd have to say Manhattan differently than how it is really said for it to work. Don't use wordplay that you have to change how something is said or its ineffective
The first Comedian with no wit at all dissin me? Hell No!
He has no funny bone in his body
………………..I think this guy's even missin his Elbows
^ME vs COMEDIAN
Okay, think about what you just said. Basically all your diss is that he has no elbows. I know it goes along with the funny bone thing, but saying he dosen't have elbows isn't an insult, its kinda stupid lol
I’ll try to stop insulting Seattle and bringing gays middle fingers
So now I’ll let Jon B(e),
…………………..since his punches are as played as that Singer
^ME vs JOHN HENSLEY
First off, don't use () to explain your shit, it looks like ur unconfident we'll get it. I didn't need the () to get it, but if you were writing a punch that makes little sense without the explanation, its prolly no good. Other thing about this is how can a singer be played? Punchline just doesn't make much sense
If he don’t like Cliché’s, who’s going THE WACK rout? homie I bet you….
Silence goes “Without saying” like Pantomime clowns performing for Deaf mutes
^ME vs BLACKSILENCE
simile punches are very rarely effective unless they are pretty witty and original.. which this isn't. As a whole, I'd say just avoid using these types of punches
You should worry about the 2 magnums I got on the dresser
One is for fucking your bitch, the other one will have you shot on a stretcher
^ME vs ACE
Magnum concept is okay tho its been used a few times before. The problem here is how you used it. Generally, you never use wordplay in your setup. Your setup should refer to the wordplay, then the first part of the punchline uses the wordplay, then the end of the punchline shows the twist on the concept which comes as the surprise. Maybe something more like this:

When u feel threatened, u just wanna hit this dude
You'd pop a magnum, but that'd be WAYY too big on you

Not perfect, but u get the idea
Piss’ed off or pissed on, golden shower guys gets hit wit something
The way he `Slurppee, Even 711 would think this kid’s Disgusting
This is okay i guess, but thing is it doesn't really work. A dude can't slurppee, a slurppee is a noun, not a verb. So this wordplay only really works one way. Maybe if u'd have said "He tried slurppees, but ... " sometimes with wordplay its hard to make it work both ways, but do ur best.
And the slut girl his mom had? it’s nothing to diss her
If I keep hitting Jo$h’s thumb with a hammer?……
…………..He still won’t get `Fingerbanged as much as his sister
B]The whole fingerbanged concept came off as pretty gay. You shoulda just avoided this whole punch
m too ruff for Jo$H, I’m clutching bats in the first place
When I swing he’s gonna “RUN HOME” quicker than players on 3rd base

^ME vs JO$HUA
this was self-glory. Really just don't use self-glory, thats all

Seems like ur biggest thing is the way ya use your concepts. A lot of them are worded in ways that I can tell what your going for, but they don't quite make sense the way ya use them or they aren't exactly punches. When you write, double check that what your saying is actually a diss and could offend someone.

my rhymin is unique so dont swet the tec-nique...
dont spell it proper... but id still put that tec to ya cheek...
my spittins in depth... but only indeath...
will u see that im great an my lyrics the best...
dont try ya luck going against this criminal...
cuz itll take more than jail time to scare me even minimal...
never spittin subliminals...
i always say what i mean an mean what i say...
so if you said what u ment half the time...
maybe youd understand why your gay....
its c. to the r. im to the e...
i blaze weed equal to a pound a week...
so try to battle me... ill leave u drained...
leave u stained wit acid like batteries...
im statically charged a lyricist at heart....
im the soul of the fire...
leave ya body ripped apart from fast flows ull retire...

To Wordz Ahgod: Sorry it took awhile for me to respond to this, but I gave you a lot of feedback so please read my comments carefully.

MaRVjay, your on the list dawg, coz strobe had em all wrong
Coz this fags requesting to pinkslip---->into pumps and a small thong
The trouble with this is the wordplay doesn't exactly work 2 ways and wordplay always should. How can a fag actually pinkslip into something? Maybe u coulda done it like this:

Faggot was talkin' mad shit, but the truth hurts when he's wrong
I wanted to pinkslip... he wanted to slip into a pink skirt n' a thong

Basically, when u have wordplay that doesn't work, try other ways to use it. I've used a similar form for wordplay like this. For example, a punchline like "I've got it made by the minute, u'll just make minute maid for a livin" The idea is, use the word in a short sentence, then use the same word in another short sentence which disses him like this.
Ur old news like yesterdays paper even the cypher digress
Coz This kid bites enough lines to write a weekly Digest
This was weak, it just didn't have any real wit to it, kinda too bland. What pisses me off is u actually had a cool concept here and you didn't use it:

This kids a fat fuck, eats a lot, i'm straight killin' this fag
On the real, ur weekly digest would have NO trouble fillin' that mag

I dunno, I think its not bad if u make this a fat joke out of the weekly digest idea which i hadn't seen before. Sometimes read what u write and you'll be surprised to find words which have wordplay available to you.
So you better Take me out your sig fam, I dont mess with bitches
But I will drop Marv a link...then drag him by his legs with it
Concept is fine, but again, flipped too basically. Be more creative in how you use the concepts. Lots of ways you could use the Link concept, first that comes to mind to me is Zelda:

U lost for not votin', but stop bitchin' n' dude
To tried to drop a Link, but even Zelda could beat the shit outta u

I dunno if thats the best way to flip it, but the point is, u took the easy way out and ur punch was just a threat n' no punch. This is more of a diss
So forget it nigga Im done with this wak fuck
And not to be racist, but blacksilence...N' I really wanna keep it as such
this concept is very good, but the way ya ended it really weakened in it. Like who cares if YOU want to keep it as such. Its much more of a diss if u just say the league or someone else. Simply u coulda fixed it a bit by saying this:

When u make an appearence, ur always flauntin' it dude
Blacksilence! Ain't racist, its what the whole league wants u do

Just hits a bit more directly and doesn't weaken the punch at the end
Im kneeing your nutts, so cry You fuckin' ashy bastard
'Coz lotion keeps em 3yrs younger--->then the boys he's usually chasing after
With this punch, i want to just point out a stylistic issue. This punch looks stretched from appearence, even tho it isn't:

Im kneeing ur nutts, ashy faggot, cry like a racist bastard
'Coz lotion keeps em 3yrs younger....then the boys he chases after

This is almost the same line, but just reads a bit better.. make ur shit look nice and not sloppy and voters might look at it differently
And Stick and stones may hurt, yeah but wordz'll blow his ribs
Coz I browse the net, while he's too black for you to notice his
I don't really understand what u meant by "browse the net".. I woulda made it start like "I tried to punch them.. but he was too fuckin' black to notice his".. but then again, I wouldn't use this punch at all, its not a punch. All your saying is he's really black.. so what? Maybe in a pic battle this is fine, but in a generic battle, its really bland and comes off as kinda false. Basically read the punchline to urself and ask "is this really a punch"? I wouldn't answer yes to this punchline
And Native, he's wak but atleast he admits that he knows
COz feeding is like girls he admires, none'll ever eat @ joes
I assume Joes is a restaurant? Easy to assume that from the punch, but I haven't heard of it. Avoid punches about local concepts that other people might not be familiar with. Anyway, this punch didn't make much sense the way u worded it. Try this:

U can't win without help, my plan's to help this fuck die
Cuz u fuckin' feed so much, Joe's restaurant ran out of supplies

It takes the feeding concept and relates it to the restaurant idea much better.
Make em bleed out the nose, uppercut em through heavens free sanction
Then drop em back to hell, low enough to see his own league ranking
This was okay, just think of more creative ways to refer to being low, urs was a bit ehh.. maybe this:

U always get KOd, in ur past matches I've seen spankings
Lil' Jon's Get Low was fuckin' inspired by ur league ranking

Again, just be more creative.
So starv yourself, do something productive for the league son
'COz if you join you'll just be Stanzas crutch, coz he's about to need one
i think i've seen crutch wordplay before so this can only be so good. I woulda done it more like this:

Join the league, I can see u competin' for real there
U'd be Stanza's crutch, but he needs that, a cast, AND a wheelchair

After writing that I don't like it much, but the idea is expand the idea to things related to crutches
Yeah nigga, Im destroying your rep, Stanz is not imperative
This fag could win 3 battles and STILL be in the negatives
This punch was okay, it was a personal that did I believe hit. However, I want u to make this personal goal. Don't use personals without wit. Yes, sometimes you can state a personal without any wit and it will hit cuz its true. But trust me, it will hit MUCH harder if u combine wit into it. Sometimes, all u gotta do is add a cliche which is relevant to ur personal, and then say the personal. I don't have an example for u for this specific example, but i'll show u what i mean:

Ya just made a new name, n' bitch you'll never amount
Criminals pick on the weakest link...
... and TayTay stole your account

If I just said in the punchline "Stupid faggot, TayTay stole ur account" it would have hit, but I used a relevant cliche that related to the personal, tied it together, and there ya go. Wordplay/Cliches + Personals = Hard Hitter
Nobody reads your raps, But shit...I dont have to tell duke
Just peep this weeks mag and see if they even mention you
Exactly what I said in the previous applies here.. this is a personal so it hits, but not as hard as it could. How about this:

I checked the mag that Trus posted n' sent son
It gave props to everyone decent...
... so its no surprise u weren't mentioned

This is kinda similar to a punch I used this week on GREVISS, but yea, combines wit to the personal
So check it...vs Heratoga, thats a question of me being nautious
You got 3 of the top 5, so you'll be seeing atleast 3 losses

You were so close here. This is all u had to do to make this punch much better:

I checked the mag, u have no fuckin' right to yap geek
But props on gettin' 3 of the top 5...
... wackest punches of last week

Sets up the wackest punch thing much better
Theres gonna be a lot of slow singing and flowers in baskets
'Coz last time he bitch moved...it was me facing em down in a casket
this is one of those concepts that i hate. Newbs often think its dope cuz they've never seen it and it often gets props, but vets know its been done many times before. When u use concepts, use the search button on this site and even potentially other sites to see if its been done before, and if it has, how has it been done. Its just a good way to check if ur shits played
So battle Appoc and get slaughtered, murdered and slayed
But I'll admit, thats like your bitches legs--->I see it going either way
Concept here is fine, but the setup is weird cuz like u say he's gonna get murdered, but then in the punch u aren't sure. It seems like theres a disjoint. Make sure ur setups and punches relate.. just do this:

Battle Appoc, u'll get murdered, but maybe he'll get slayed
The match is like ur bitch's legs... I can see it going either way

The only problem is that to diss him (his girl) this also kinda compliments him. U want to avoid complimenting someone to diss them if possible, but this is better anyway than it was before
And Lamp you wont escape wrath, I'll scarface till Manolo hurts
Coz I sent em back so far last week, He STLL calling Solo, 'kirk'
I guess this is a reference to Scarface. I haven't seen it cuz I don't really watch TV so I can't help u with this one
'Coz I'll exept all your challenges, fagget...we can battle repeatedly
Coz I could cut off all my finguers...
...And still count how many times you defeated me
This is decent, it combines wit + personal like i was talkin' about before. Do more of this, but try this:

I'll except all ur challenges, faggot we can battle repeatedly
I could cut off all my fingers...
...And STILL fuckin' count how many times you defeated me

I know, its the same thing, just cap'd the still, added a fuckin' n' changed a few other minor things to make it sound more smooth. My point is, u need to sound more angry. Add swear words, caps, and other things to do this.
I'll beat you easily...its not a challenge, to even call it such...
should be against the league rules coz you fucking suck
This looked like u were runnin' outta things to say it was so bland and wack.. lemme tell u this, if u set the line limit high n' u haven't dropped yet, rather than meeting that limit, just drop 2 less lines if u really have nothing else.
And to Shit on the next nigga, son... its a raw fact....
Niggas just be asking, "why t'fuck you tryinna rap For...Mat?!!!"
This was dope, by far the best bar of this verse. U set it up very nicely and the punch was extremely well excuted, good shit
Your gonna get served and plowed, I can already smell em fry
Coz I know you like chicken, but that Hen'll eat em alive
Rule of thumb man, if someone is a vet, DO NOT use nameplays on them. If u think u got something so fresh theres no way anyone coulda thought of it, go for it, but in general, ur just kickin' urself writin' nameplays against people like Hens cuz he's been around for so long he's surely seen it all
So its 21 gun salute...after burying the ranks in fatigues
Coz Glocks aint been poppin since...His d/r KempMRK left the league
without quotes or this being well known, this comes off as kinda fake. It seems like Kempo was a random person to put in as D/R. If ur gonna use personals, make sure they are true and everyone believes they are true

I hope all this helps. This obviously took me a little bit. If you can see, there's a theme with a lot of my comments that I felt many of your concepts were above average, but u ruined most of them by being too simple with them and not being creative enough. Being creative takes time, but if u think of better ways to relate ur concepts to similar/related things, u can improve.

since he didnt show..

ur key styles never in fashion,ur wording has turnt to butt
but ur nicely wearing that suit..of black residue after i burnt u up
if i see anybody say ur verse is dope,imma start orally debating
an tell'em to get ur shit sordid out,cuz his drop was MORALLY DEGRADING
im just speaking my mind,u style's never had any exciting flavor
its seem ur stationary bout advancin.. cuz ur talents thin as the writing paper.
so call me the barber,they way ur get'n chop'd up,soon as u arrived
Imma taper u off..by blastin a wedged shape chunk out yer side
u never learn the basics,n u dont impress me as a writer
uve been TAUGHT all wrong..
..now imma snap u in half after i stretch u tighter

__________________

Alright, well I thought my first two lines were nice name plays and my other bars were decent, but since I didn't really get the review I expected last week I figured I'd post it up in here and see the criticism I can get to improve...(I explained each bar incase people didn't get em)

Eye-Que Vs. Keyed

Listen..Ya trends out, like low rise jeans and leather..
and I ain't only talking about my verse when I say..
..I'ma Key...10x better..
(Here I was saying how not in my verse will I key ten times better, but that I am "Keyed" but 10 times better)
I excrete fluids from bitches and your next to bleed..
I've gotta lock on pussy...and that locks been Keyed!!
(Basically, just saying Keyed is pussy)
Open and exposed...a hidden secret surpassed..
You couldn't produce creative shit..
With a constructive brain in your ass!!
(Most people got this)
I devour these fools, why you strive to cop a taste..
This dude can't be champ..
They don't make belts small enough to fit around his waist..
(Haha filler)
This fag loves rappin on computers..son he fears mics..
Dude raps in front of mirrors just so he can appear nice..
(Most people got this)
He can't spit, this dick's into lay-text(latex)..
Now look how I've stopped this pussies flow...
By inserting some play-text..
(I guess filler)
You're embarrasing, with those lines your forcing..
Man..This dude has been wacked since birth..
Just like his foreskin..
(Dissin him about being wack)

You've been gone for a while, and the whole style of text has changed drastically. A lot of the focus now is on your wording... and you may want to refrain with the played conepts.


Eye-Que Vs. Keyed

Listen..Ya trends out, like low rise jeans and leather..
and I ain't only talking about my verse when I say..
..I'ma Key...10x better..
I quoted this bar when I reviewed the battle, but I'm a be real and say I was generous. I was generally quoting bars based on the overall quality of the battle. Whilst the nameplay was there, you should try and refrain from dropping any type of punch that self glorifies in any way because self glorifying now is a major played piece of suckness.
I excrete fluids from bitches and your next to bleed..
I've gotta lock on pussy...and that locks been Keyed!!
This wasn't that good at all. The wording was off in places, you need to have the bar flowing off the tongue like you would say it in real life. Also, the whole calling someone a pussy concept has been flipped in every way possible.
Open and exposed...a hidden secret surpassed..
You couldn't produce creative shit..
With a constructive brain in your ass!!
Yes, most people got this. And if they dared to quote it as if it was decent then they deserve to be shitted on... LITERALLY! What the fuck! This concept... the whole shit/ass wordplay is beyond fucking played and the fact that this bar got quoted by some just made me LMFAO!!
I devour these fools, why you strive to cop a taste..
This dude can't be champ..
They don't make belts small enough to fit around his waist..
Yeah, filler is a big NO NO!! The level that most text battlers are at now means that if you drop filler then you will probably end up losing. Basically, none of the decent battlers drop filler anymore.
This fag loves rappin on computers..son he fears mics..
Dude raps in front of mirrors just so he can appear nice..
The concept isn't as played as some of your others. However, the wording was too simplistic for it to have any real affect. You need to be a bit more creative but still maintain a decent flow.
He can't spit, this dick's into lay-text(latex)..
Now look how I've stopped this pussies flow...
By inserting some play-text..
FILLER=NO!
You're embarrasing, with those lines your forcing..
Man..This dude has been wacked since birth..
Just like his foreskin..
This was probably the best bar you had. It was worth quoting and even though the wording wasn't perfect... it still came off. Again though, if you are just gonna plainly call someone wack... you need to be coming creative as fuck otherwise it'll just sound shit.

To Ben Dope:

ur key styles never in fashion,ur wording has turnt to butt
but ur nicely wearing that suit..of black residue after i burnt u up
the problem here is with the "i burnt u up".. anytime u talk about what ur doing' to him, the bar isn't gonna be good unless its very imaginative or creative. If u wanted to do suit wordplay, I woulda done it like this:

What's wit ur clothes fag? Ur poker face is never clean
N' 5 of ur suits would make the ugliest flush that i've EVER seen

Similar wordplay, much better line
if i see anybody say ur verse is dope,imma start orally debating
an tell'em to get ur shit sordid out,cuz his drop was MORALLY DEGRADING
i really liked this shit man, i've never seen it and the punch hit nicely. I wouldn't change anything in it, just woulda have changed "cuz his drop" to "cuz ur drop"...i know, thats picky, I just dont like a change in tense, but thats petty shit, good bar
im just speaking my mind,u style's never had any exciting flavor
its seem ur stationary bout advancin.. cuz ur talents thin as the writing paper.
concept here is cool, way ya used it is decent. Only thing i would change is the "it seems ur stationary 'bout advancin'... that doesn't sound harsh.. u woulda been better off startin' like "ur ranks only stationary cuz ur talent is paper thin" or "ur rank's so stationary, the league used it to write u off" or something like that...the way you say it sounds a bit indirect
so call me the barber,they way ur get'n chop'd up,soon as u arrived
Imma taper u off..by blastin a wedged shape chunk out yer side
I dunno what u meant by taper.. so this doesn't really make sense to me. Even without really knowin' what u meant, I know this can only be so good cuz saying ur gonna "blast a wedged shape chunk out ur side" is just really a statement and has no diss to it
u never learn the basics,n u dont impress me as a writer
uve been TAUGHT all wrong..
..now imma snap u in half after i stretch u tighter
i don't really get what taught has to do with it..i guess the wording is off, but can't help u if i don't get it

Stationary and sordid lines were cool, just work on being more consistent and stay away from those statementish punches which don't have a diss to them.

taper=wedge-shaped

taught=past tense of teach

taut=stretched tight


see it now,an thanks trus... that shitll help me with mets.. since u said he'd demolish me.


props.

Word...thanks trus...shit helped. exept the " I browse" line...if you read this fast enough you'll see that Im trying to say Eye brows you know. Granted the punch itself could have been way better...I just felt like you missed that. But thanks man.

__________________
figure I could drop by and promote my my first mixtape and what not since im here..

Going 10 wit LG. is worthless, he'll just keep saying he a corner lover
and 'babble on 5' bars so hard that he'll get signed by Warner Brother(Babylon 5)
.
.
.
if you flap lips i'll pull mac clips and let hammers fly man
so i dont need no talkin,dogg...Apostle aint a family guy fan
top notch i am, while you a n00b a fake a lame fronter
LG a 'no body' like the achievment wall of a game hunter
you a cpu geek so in reality you couldnt clap wit this shooter
cuz if i said get ya life togetha LG would pack up his computer
Depressed dude? its okay everyone who faced me felt ether
but no need for low spirits,cuz you have no chance in hell neither

Going 10 wit LG. is worthless, he'll just keep saying he a corner lover
and 'babble on 5' bars so hard that he'll get signed by Warner Brother(Babylon 5)
Okay, first just a simple tip. When u do wordplay, do it like this "And Babylon 5 bars so hard" ... use it like that instead of explaining it later. Besides that, concept is cool, ain't seen it before, but it doesn't sound like a punch. Saying he'll babble on 5 bars, i see what ur goin' for, but its kinda indirect. When ya do wordplay, try to go for stuff thats more to the point.
.
.
.
if you flap lips i'll pull mac clips and let hammers fly man
so i dont need no talkin,dogg...Apostle aint a family guy fan
This concept was really funny, I liked this shit a lot. Problem with it is u used it poorly. You didn't punch him at all, all you said was u don't like family guy. Try it like this:

Always runnin' ur big mouth, i'll mac clips n' let hammers fly
U do so much talkin, dogg, I thought u appeared on the family guy

This way its more of a punch rather than just talking about yourself
top notch i am, while you a n00b a fake a lame fronter
LG a 'no body' like the achievment wall of a game hunter
Try to avoid simile/metaphor type punches unless they are like really creative. Most attempts at this kind of punch fail. This wasn't bad, but it came off as kinda corny and not really seriously hitting your opponent.
you a cpu geek so in reality you couldnt clap wit this shooter
cuz if i said get ya life togetha LG would pack up his computer
This is really played man, seen it lots of times. Basically when u write, think about how obvious the concept is. AKA, that talkin' dogg, that was fresh, a creative concept likely not done before. This, u think ur the first dude to say someone has no life but the computer? I mean just think about it, kinda obvious concept, prolly be done before so just consider that when u write
Depressed dude? its okay everyone who faced me felt ether
but no need for low spirits,cuz you have no chance in hell neither
this was okay, u can only do so much with this concept, but the way ya flipped the low spirits thing was pretty creative so good job with that.

Verse was up and down, i still love that talkin' dogg shit, one of the funnier concepts i've seen in awhile, but some up and down lines. Just when u write, make sure all of ur shit is actually punches and not just statements.

Word Thanks Alot Dude