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Check,

Good Luck Alpha.

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Yes Sir .


Link 1: http://community.rapverse.com/showt...d=1#post3266234

See If you can imagine this...here's the scene....
i'm on probation already for a year...
i go to the mall with some friends and
they get busted for shoplifting...because
i'm with them, i take the fall as well....
and i had a weed pipe in my pocket
now i'm going to court and probly going to
jail so i get fucked up all the time...till it's
almost time for court, fail a piss test...
testing positive for meth, then in a desperate
measure, i admit myself to a mental institution
for detox...hoping it will keep me out of jail



Written By: Fuck Yuu

Written The Night I Admitted Myself


i'm trapped in these confines..laying inside..
all the main that lies...within my own mind..
got a black bag, lack smokes, wish that i had
contemplating how the FUCK i'm stuck in rehab
so sad, mind wanders, what the hell am i to do
melt glass, see smoke pass, can i make it through
slowly inhale a little bit as the pipe gets a little warmer
cup the flame to make the heat last sitting in the corner
a mourner turned victim...all cuz i let the high slip in...
dangle and flip, as i slowly gaze at what i've written..
fit in, i doubt it, i'm in a world that's really not my own..
twin beds...and a stranger..but 3 days i call it home..
never alone, constantly watched anger never dissapating..
patiently waiting, staff gazing, always anticipating...
fearing i'll try and hurt myself, suicide being the worst thing
and i admitted myself, look at the craziness this world brings
heart stops thinkin, 3 dasy left, and my world is DETOX
meth amphetamine coerced me, slowly see my mind lock
thinkin of past times..i sit and write rhymes to ease the time
give up on pipe dreams, for they will never free my mind
waiting for the greenlight, so i can stoke up in the sunlight
to toke up's against principal, so i write under the moonlight
look for scars, none on my outer skin, they lacerate my brain
constricted questions circle me, they're marking at my name
not a game, this is real life...so i pray in restitution
stay the execution....i dont' wanna be in jail...
......so instead i'm in a MENTAL INSTITUTION!......



What Would You Do?

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Blood in the air





Absurd notions occur of deducting these words
As I lay objective reflecting amongst the worms
unable to squirm or even alleviate the burns
So I smile while I'm presented with this deviant turn
and as my vision blurs I'm not concerned...
because I still view my actions as fair,
because sometimes you need bloodshed to make people care


And heres how It happened...

I grew up in the hood, and always kept myself bright
despite domestic issues around, I studied at night
In hopes that the rights could overshadow the wrongs
I even attended church on sundays and sang all the songs
My faith was strong then, and what could I say
I had nothing to offer God, except for my praise
But it was just a phase, because when I told the ghost
He needed to help my dad.. he died of an overdose
while a week later I found a note my mom had wrote
It read "I love you son", as I found her hanged with a rope
and It's alarming how the mind can twist at the loss of hope
and thats when starving turned into the carving of throats

A usual day, be fluent today and keep shit under control
A fresh dissected chest, some big breasts? your on patrol
But you fiene for a chill, something real to spark andorphins
So the first person you thirst to see.. cuz u know ur gonna whore'em
The local preacher, a vocal teacher... you see faith in his eyes
So you know you'll get hard when you try to abruptly surprise
Gunshot? Nope, borin... Grab a shank ain't a prank in store man
So when he goes out you can go in.. to his chest for some organs


Bless me father for I have sinned, it has been 6 years since
my last confession and these are my sins:

I stabbed a preganant bitch in the tummy..
... but first I made her say she loved me
And i threw my middle finger up to the God above me

I strangled a boy in the alley...
... he was meetin up with Sally
so I chalked up 2 more to God with some tallys



At this point the priest stood erected
and then he interjected...

Looks like Satan's doing more with you than expected!!



He smiled, and from behind I'm grabbed fast
and the chloroform pad knocked me right to my ass



And I awoke...



Absurd notions occur of deducting these words
As I lay objective reflecting amongst the worms
unable to squirm or even alleviate the burns
So I smile while I'm presented with this deviant turn
and as my vision blurs I'm not concerned...
because I still view my actions as fair,
because sometimes you need bloodshed to make people care

__________________
I'm Beast.

Umm my whole verse isn't there. Alpha can you edit it for me

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Stayin Fresh Til Death
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5x PS HOF
2004 Poet of the year
3X writer of the month

Is that how u wanted it?

__________________
I'm Beast.

That was what was in the pm you sent to youself mate.
Sorry if it wasn't all there.


Fuck Yuu- A nice take on the topic. You described your characters mental state pretty well and illustriated the instituation with solid imagery and vocab. It would've been better in my mind if you could've worked your introduction into the man piece instead of just typing up the background to the piece.

Alpah- Pretty dope, the story trundled along nicely with interesting twists and turns from start to finish, nice use of imagery throughout although i felt the piece faltered a bit when the guy started listing his crimes to the priest. The rhyme scheme could've been stronger but the ingredients for a dope piece were all there.

Vote- Alpha, for a stronger piece overall.


Sorry if i fucked up your drop fuck yuu, if that wasn't what you wanted, PM me when it's rectified and i'll review this battle again.

Nah man its cool. I appricate it

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Stayin Fresh Til Death
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SIGN UP FOR WAYT NOW!!!

5x PS HOF
2004 Poet of the year
3X writer of the month

upping this ?

__________________
I'm Beast.

I'm confused?

Fuck yuu - eh, dude.. not so great honestly. i mean, i guess it was a new take on a topic like that, but where was the effort at man? it seemed like you were just like, 'fuck it, i gotta write for this, lets struggle it out'.. feel me? i really think you could've done way better than that. and if this is the truth though, i was in rehab too, but mine was a mix between jail and rehab, it isnt that bad, you could be in worse places, trust, i've been there. but yeah, keep writing bro, thanks for helpin out this week, im still really sick... but keep writing.

alpha - wow.. uh, wow.


i wasnt expecting this, it was really a story, quite a story. good job.. to say the least. i liked it, you really seemed to improve since last week. you had some nice little lines, the confessions were sick... i am proud of ya, lol... i figured this would be a lot closer but fuck yuu didnt seem to care this week and you dropped a lot better so... its kinda obvious how this week went.. =/

v/ alpha, good job

fuck- I wasn't really feeling the intro, but the scenerio is imaginable and everything, just should have been flowed out by itself i think. there were a couple of dope bars in the verse, and you were able to describe being institutionalized pretty well, no one really used this topic this week. some deep views, I think you should've spiced the flow up though and added a bit more imagery imo. cool drop

Alpha- hahaha, dope shit man. a crazy killer lost in a never ending cycle of chaos and murder. yes yes I was liking the flow, the depth and drama of the piece and where you took the topic, it was very creative. I see you becoming more and more of a threat man, at first I honestly didnt know how to take the twist at the end.. good drop

v/alpha

Topic Use- Tie
Imagery- Alpha
Emotion- Alpha
Readability- Tie
Complexity- Tie
Literary Elements- Alpha
Enjoyment- Alpha

Vote- Alpha.

lol @ the last vote. ^

__________________
I'm Beast.