its sad to act like how you is... or how you was
trying to seem like the tuffest thug
but right now it feels like im losing the fight.. am loseing my life
cuz one min im getting marryed.... next min im losing my wify
im loseing my striff.... an im getting weaker
you could read the sadness..
but its deeper when you hear it throu the speaker
the inside of my heart torn.. the facial expression morns
how could this happen to someone who stay on top of your step like corns
this never should of happen... the letter.. the communication
our life was set for july 7th.. and cancune mexico was our honey moon vacation
why do i play games like playstation.. when love was in the making
stop holding on to your ex-love.. that why now 'my soon to be' is escaping
she left my sight... took my car and starting to run throu red lights
its 10:41 in the mourning.. and i probley wont see her till tonight
i didnt mean to be holding back... i couldnt tell you my ex still on my mind
7 years later.. she cryed her marrage was a mistake.. an to me thats fine
cuz now i thought it was my time... to take a shot at her without the crime
but as soon as my wify read the message... time is all i wish i could rewind
i got to let it go.. why did i let this exsplod.. in my face like you a fake
it was a mistake.. but you dont keep doing the same thing ova.. its to late
my eyes tear till they bleed... my cheast feel wierd should i leave
the words she said was probley a tease... now i feel stuck like a tree
the good times is all i think about.. i wanna scream and shout..
cuz like fat people excersize... things between us dont seem to be working out
i should ran my head into a brick for acting like a prick
you mean the world...i been gave her the boot to show you the game im trying to kick
things between us about to flip like a dealers plan
a family is what we wanted.. we was about to close a deal on land
i know i did wrong.. i dont want you to accept my apolygie
i want to move forward and i want you to continue to follow me...

baby i love you...

base on a true story...

http://community.rapverse.com/showt...d=1#post3169219
http://community.rapverse.com/showt...d=1#post3169221

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Fear

ahhh nice....well hope things get better....^^^^^^^ like fear said many fish in the sea.......nuff said....keep writing and doing what u do....~1~

Ah I liked this man, I was feelin it. you could shorten up your lines n make it flow bettter..maybe some better vocab but it was pretty good still

goodjob

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yeah man..get ur flow down..i knwo its a true story...but instead of using corny shit...use imagery and more creative lines to make it more appealing...i know u was just pouring ur heart out...but those were just some tips incase u do another 1 of these.

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A LIFE OF CHRYME

thanks for the feed back ya... im digg'int he feed and i'll try to work on that good looks.....

I like it...it was strong

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Join The Dynasty Today

shorten the lines up a little bit and this comes out a very nice piece. good drop

i was feeling it,i wanted to quote my favorite lines but i liked the whole thing
give me feed on mine...

you do something to me-wiley d

In my opinion, this wasn't really a nice piece..I mean if you take out all of the ..... it will help the structure, but it doesn't really put a topical feeling towards it, you need some help on your vocab, and a little bit of help in your emotion in this.

I see potential though, but basically, you just, Ok, not basic, not a newb, nor a vet, just mehly ok..

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^^^ thanks for your reply and feed back....

i understand to you im not a vet nor wack just merly aight....

but this is why i like feed back to see what ya think i need to up and see what i need to do for ya to dig my verses so that i can prefect it to be perfect you feel me...

i like ya feed back keep 100% all day ya dig...

upp'in for more...

Fix grammar errors.
fix a lil bit on the imagery and some on the emotion.
It get it on its utmost expression you have to make it flow as constant and imaginative.
Some lines were just too simple and some didn't fit in at all.
You got some potential and if you fix it up it can definately be a better OM.

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War|Pestilence|
Death|Famine|

|Atrocious|
|Corruptive|Depraved|
|Heinous|Malevolent|Sinister|

That's pretty fucking evil to me.....

dis is sum good right hea. i liked it alot man, hadalot of feelin in it. keep ur head up and pray for better days
peace