Phenom | Kingz | Dabatos | TonySelf | Tha Q | Half Breed | Tito | 7th End | RV Radio |
03-01-09, 12:01 PM | #1 | |||||
The Write Weight
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Week 1: Nâ€-T vs. In-Vision
IP: 3839 9710
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03-02-09, 01:03 AM | #2 | |||||
Maggot
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IP: 1356 B750
So i got check...ha haha
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03-04-09, 05:01 PM | #3 | |||||
Maggot
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IP: 1356 B750
seriously man, show
__________________
Although these words, DIG, DEEP
They offer no relief... |
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03-04-09, 05:09 PM | #4 | |||||
Maggot
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IP: 1356 B750
__________________
Although these words, DIG, DEEP
They offer no relief... |
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03-04-09, 11:08 PM | #5 | |||||
Maggot
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IP: 1356 B750
I'll just drop this i guess for the hell of it
Dead and gone-No Matter What-Tomorrow- Confused inside wonderin why my conscience is my only will to survive I'll try, so cope with my race that could die.. My being is all wrong, my last breath wont be right. I'm slowly dieing, and I've been deprived of a life The creator turned his back and disregarded my call-- and now hes just waiting, to watch me ((fall)) Cause when I'm dead and gone, it wont matter at all.... ....I've walked through the valleys, with death on my shoulder, and with each pace that I take, his breath gets colder ..Cause with the weight on my back I carry this boulder.... ---I lie unrested with my faith tested, and no ammends for my sorrow..... ....'cause in my reality, (NO MATTER WHAT), there is no tomorrow--- I couldnt choose my life, but i'm forced to lead through this fight My hunger is bounding as I sway through the light Despite--my struggle deepens as I lie....but I'll ask myself... why--- WHY? why are my people dyin? Is this a work of your plan, or can you say that your tryin? I make a living out of living, how bout that for an example.. |With my mother dead....am I just a sample?| ---I lie unrested with my faith tested, and no ammends for my sorrow..... ....'cause in my reality, (NO MATTER WHAT), there is no tomorrow--- Never made an impact, but what did I lack? In fact, everything, when your countrys been tracked. Suddenly, a flash, and the light turns to black My vitals shut down and my bodys attacked The perceptions increasing, but my brains deceasing 'Hands of light', "save me" but they cannot reach me.. my mouth trembles as my body disembles.. and my hunger, what then kept me alive now empowers my thought and forced me to die My minds now fucked, looks like I'm outta luck hopefully the "after-life" can make this right or else I'm just stuck, But as I approach the end of the tunnel,--open the gates of white stone They immediatley shut them, and I'm denied of a home... ...So as i fight to keep my last dieing breath, I know my far struggled life isn't over just yet. ---I lie unrested with my faith tested, and no ammends for my sorrow..... ....'cause in my reality, (NO MATTER WHAT), there is no tomorrow--- And I'll be buried and sift through my time knowing if u put food in my bowl, i couldve survived... ..HELP...
__________________
Although these words, DIG, DEEP
They offer no relief... |
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03-04-09, 11:08 PM | #6 | |||||
Maggot
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IP: 1356 B750
^hey jon can you keep this open for feed??
feed please..
__________________
Although these words, DIG, DEEP
They offer no relief... |
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03-07-09, 12:04 PM | #7 | |||||
The Write Weight
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IP: 3839 9710
In-Vision DQ'd.
Consider this your warning. up over closed. if you feed this piece it can be considered as a link. |
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03-07-09, 07:38 PM | #8 | ||||||||
Pushin it....
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IP: C019 9845
too bad that your shit was no showed against
hopefully Vision can get back into this, cuz dude can def. drop dope poetry. but i enjoyed your peice man, i just wished that your detail to what it is that you were going for, like i got your overal message, but the detail's of how you are going about it, could have been done much much better it felt like alot of your bars were stretched in order to get that extra rhyme in, and sometimes saying nothing is better than saying something i liekd the structure of your verus, but the lyrical structure was the thing that i didn't like, felt pretty easy to go with just my 2 cents
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Quote:
Destroyin Tricks on the Daily |
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03-07-09, 08:03 PM | #9 | |||||
Maggot
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IP: 1356 B750
appreciated, thank you. more feedss yo...
__________________
Although these words, DIG, DEEP
They offer no relief... |
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03-07-09, 08:25 PM | #10 | |||||
Maggot
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IP: 1356 B750
__________________
Although these words, DIG, DEEP
They offer no relief... |
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03-07-09, 09:14 PM | #11 | ||||||
New Jack
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IP: A1E4 9BCF
Avoid strecthing your lines out and forcing a ryhme scheme.
You have good imagery, simplify wording... expand vocabulary. You CAN do both at the same time. Work on the overall flow, it will be nice to see how you approach different topics throughout the season. |
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