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| Phenom | Kingz | Dabatos | TonySelf | Tha Q | Half Breed | Tito | 7th End | RV Radio  |
07-02-08, 12:13 AM
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#1
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Whys That?
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The Devil Wears Red
IP: 651E B56A
Just a nice short peice, felt like writing a little something.
The Devil Wears Red Fresh brisk air peirces the silent foundation in my mind Rapidly vibrant shiver evilly creeps up my spine I reach out to find, I’m basically getter deeper with time She smiles, ‘Take a seat here you’ll be fine' I take drastic measures to ignore the poisones flow of her hair Burnt pupils lead to rapid eye movement with every stare Heaven is near, JESUS FUCKING CHRIST!! He never did care Baseline approaches my heart as they dance in synchronisation I feel like a soulless soldier stuck in a bastardised nation Introduce my hands to my face, tryna hide from reality But she stands there with grace, singing the most silent of melody Music to my ears? More like a vicious violent cavalry Piercing steers puncture my mind, leaving my eye lids shattering The devil wears red?!! I can see it precisely on her lips My mind turns exaggerated black like a solar eclipse |
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07-02-08, 12:16 AM
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#2
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Whys That?
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IP: 651E B56A
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07-09-08, 12:48 AM
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#3
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Peace, Love, Unity
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IP: 9244 687A
This is the first thing I've read from you. It's pretty good. Short but sweet. Didn't force any vocabulary and didn't have it too simple either. Imagery was there, wasn't overflowing with it or anything, but it was still enough to keep me reading. The concept was pretty good too. You should drop more, bro.
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 88 miles per hour should do it. |
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07-09-08, 01:45 AM
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#4
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A Life Of Chryme
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IP: 934F A17A
I did not think this was terrible. Though I did not think to highly of it. You deffinitley showed you have skill and ability to write..your imagery was there in a sense..but with the emotion i feel even with all the ?!?! you kind of didnt make me believe it all that well. Idk just my opinion..i like the idea..and feel u set it up good the concept is good..vocab was there...though one thing to look out on is your spelling....i know its not a big deal ..but when I read a verse...i stop for a moment to make sure im not just an idiot not picking up on a different word.....but overall this is not a bad verse..hopefully you drop more cuz i love reading stuff from you.
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A LIFE OF CHRYME |
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07-09-08, 01:07 PM
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#5
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New Jack
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IP: 15D3 63C9
Got Soul? - I read this a few days back, but didnt have time to leave feedback.. But now I have time...so this is what i thought about this piece. The metas in your written were strong enough to keep the interest in this short passage. This was composed well and even though the passage is not long, it still had the substance to compete with the other open mics here.
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LPMNDCTE The B.E.S.T. Crew .................. |
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07-21-08, 09:40 PM
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#6
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New to RV
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IP: FF41 D6C0
It was alright. Your rhymescheme and wording could have been a bit better -- a little to elmentary to me but nothing heavily drastic. Surprisingly, what you had carried an alright flow to it. I was able to read it like I was an audio head. You do audio? You flow like it. Your emotion was decent, it could have been a bit better. And emotionally, this was a good read. But nothing amazing. Keep elevating and writing man. I'll keep my eyes opened for future releases by you.
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'Your chances are as good as the flip of a coin.' 2x PS HOF |
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