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| Phenom | Kingz | Dabatos | TonySelf | Tha Q | Half Breed | Tito | 7th End | RV Radio  |
12-02-03, 12:27 PM
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#1
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I Am The Light
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<<picture frames per seconds>>
IP: CB2E 7CE0
A city soo still takes my action
As i restrain the very brain of interaction I creep slowly and pause to supliment my flaws through a city we are seemingly sleeping... Vast grey skies with sudden stopped cries We were wishing to die,our prides flew right by A section of earth had stopped breathing... Like a drug for the healing i broke from my feelings I froze life from death to seek a heart in my chest Found little to compare this to me I forged on with each hit and loosened my hips To find little to compare to my dealing... I hail to enforce a new feeling... like the frozen earth I see I stopped breathing....
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SOFT FOCUS crew record (3-0) Wits end ~ DOI ~ Central....now who's next? sacred scriptures record (5-0) |
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12-02-03, 12:38 PM
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#2
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BANNED
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IP: 1B3B C284
this was heart felt...nice short piece you manged to drop a nice clear picture of your poem...the details were in...everyline dropped was great nice vocab...
keep it up peace |
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12-02-03, 12:41 PM
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#3
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I Am The Light
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IP: CB2E 7CE0
ohh um forgot to say this piece was written off o fthe new rhetorical insights picture i picked out...so yeah check it out...
-1-
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SOFT FOCUS crew record (3-0) Wits end ~ DOI ~ Central....now who's next? sacred scriptures record (5-0) |
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12-02-03, 01:27 PM
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#4
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..Soft Focus..
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IP: 1B3B C284
This was a good poem, i liked the way you brought your words together it sounded really deep, well written it had a lot of good emotion and creative wordplay
A city soo still takes my action As i restrain the very brain of interaction I creep slowly and pause to supliment my flaws through a city we are seemingly sleeping... ^^that stanza was a great opening the way you finished it was incredible Vast grey skies with sudden stopped cries We were wishing to die,our prides flew right by A section of earth had stopped breathing... Like a drug for the healing i broke from my feelings I loved this part the way you described everything hand had your thoughts lined up was tight as hell I froze life from death to seek a heart in my chest Found little to compare this to me I forged on with each hit and loosened my hips To find little to compare to my dealing... also very well writtin it had a good sence of though in that I hail to enforce a new feeling... like the frozen earth I see I stopped breathing.... Great finish short and sweet i was feelin that great second line...'like the frozen earth i see' that was tremendous...good work
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Open Mics The Weathers Art http://www.rapbattles.com/forum/showthread.php?t=108673 My Teenage Eyes http://www.rapbattles.com/forum/sho...threadid=104850 Secluded http://www.rapbattles.com/forum/sho...851#post1148851 Open Your Eyes http://www.rapbattles.com/forum/sho...461#post1157461 |
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12-02-03, 01:41 PM
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#5
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I Am The Light
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IP: CB2E 7CE0
^^^^^you dah man dawg i'll hit up that soft focus drop when im done with work..
-1-
__________________
SOFT FOCUS crew record (3-0) Wits end ~ DOI ~ Central....now who's next? sacred scriptures record (5-0) |
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