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02-13-03, 08:00 PM | #1 | ||||
Flyweight
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We Are
IP: 5153 3B92
Floating drifters in a world all our own
To be with many and to still feel alone All the same down to the marrow of our bone Inside many house but never a home Iron bars act as cages to hold the truly gifted And there they end when boxes drop and dirt is shifted Dawn comes, and light begins a new life Cord cut with a sword instead of a knife To soon for him to be here so here he must leave One breath and so goes the father’s seed A stone of evil the color of snow destroys us all As mystical as a phoenix they rise and they shall fall And we shall rise Young hearts aged by the images in there minds Emerge from the city of crushed dreams Days pass like a horror movie scene Dark gray fog blanket out lines Silhouette of what it could be races in my mind Crying, there can be no more of Twenty sets of arms and no kisses or hugs Shoulders are to thin, for me to lean And this Unit is too unreal to dream The truth is never spoken simply flows with the wind Alpha is the begin and this is the end
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I live to die and Destance my self to Feel My life is an oxymoran Like a suicide Pill |
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02-13-03, 08:22 PM | #2 | ||||||
Guest
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IP: BFE5 28C7
Intriguing...
....very...i mean it had such a cutting edge to it...like you didn't 'conform' or anything...you just got stuck in there, doing your own thing....bringing your own depth to it...your own meanings...the basic 'cover' of it made it very powerful...how you put the words together and what not....using good vocab...but then once one digs deep into it...they find it even more...well..powerful... ...a very, very apt piece of poetic social (and then of course, political and to an extent, psychological) commentary....told from one side very strongly...but not losing the 'over-view' feeling of it.... ....respect... |
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02-13-03, 08:25 PM | #3 | ||||||
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....
IP: CA44 D5D2
das nice very nice...very nice...it has very nice depth t0o it anyways...wanna battle?....=D...have a nice day....one.ghost
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02-13-03, 08:49 PM | #4 | ||||
Flyweight
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IP: 4577 CD9A
ahh shurrre
Thanks for the feed back
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I live to die and Destance my self to Feel My life is an oxymoran Like a suicide Pill |
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02-15-03, 01:32 PM | #5 | ||||
Flyweight
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IP: 4577 CD9A
up^^^^^ for feed
__________________
I live to die and Destance my self to Feel My life is an oxymoran Like a suicide Pill |
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02-16-03, 11:28 AM | #6 | |||||||
~OrIgINaL eXeCuToNeR~
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IP: 04D9 E6FF
...enter the master....
...the poetic devices used in this was pretty nice...somewhat transendentalistc...an oversol...''all of us are"...ya flow was nice...words a lil spimple..nah mean....your structure a lil elementary...somma ya metas is coo though....your similies is kinda nice...summa ya hyperbules was a lil off....still a coo piece... you getta 7.3/10 ma....not bad.... hunnet ...exit master...
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freelance RN Vs RB WAR!!....yr 2000...vet~~YEA I SAID VET!! WHAT YOU WANT ME TO PROVE IT? STEP THEN YOU FUCKING HOMO'S |
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02-19-03, 02:52 PM | #7 | ||||
Flyweight
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IP: B64B 9653
upen ^^^^^^^^^^6
__________________
I live to die and Destance my self to Feel My life is an oxymoran Like a suicide Pill |
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02-20-03, 12:21 AM | #8 | |||||||
Atra Ludio or Hip-Hop?
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IP: ABE5 5A5C
Can I be honest with you?
I don't get it. I honestly don't get it. I'm probably looking way too deep into it but the way I interpeted this was a baby being born forcibly and martyred for the rights of black people. And since I'm pretty sure that isn't what your poem is about, I'm going to shut up now cause I sound like an idiot. I really do. |
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02-20-03, 09:06 AM | #9 | ||||||||
~OrIgINaL eXeCuToNeR~
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IP: ABE5 5A5C
Quote:
lol^^^
__________________
freelance RN Vs RB WAR!!....yr 2000...vet~~YEA I SAID VET!! WHAT YOU WANT ME TO PROVE IT? STEP THEN YOU FUCKING HOMO'S |
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02-20-03, 03:04 PM | #10 | ||||
Flyweight
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IP: B64B 9653
Ok this is about my family
I don't really feel like Break it down line for line because It will take waaayyyy to long
__________________
I live to die and Destance my self to Feel My life is an oxymoran Like a suicide Pill |
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02-21-03, 11:02 PM | #11 | |||||||
Atra Ludio or Hip-Hop?
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IP: ABE5 5A5C
Madd Preacher... unlike nearly every single moment I'm in contact with another human being... I honestly was not trying to be funny that time.
=\ It was still a good poem, Chase. Even if I don't understand it. |
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02-24-03, 02:52 PM | #12 | ||||
Flyweight
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IP: B64B 9653
Thats ok sometimes I write thing that I understand but I don't think about the readers sorry about that
__________________
I live to die and Destance my self to Feel My life is an oxymoran Like a suicide Pill |
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09-28-03, 05:14 PM | #13 | ||||
Flyweight
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IP: 9D36 127F
up
__________________
I live to die and Destance my self to Feel My life is an oxymoran Like a suicide Pill |
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01-15-04, 02:03 PM | #14 | |||||||
~OrIgINaL eXeCuToNeR~
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IP: 02FA 2094
hoestly nec...i was just laughin at the fact that yu could actually admit that your an idiot ....your still coo....and the poem was nice as well...just needs some fixin here and there..
igido
__________________
freelance RN Vs RB WAR!!....yr 2000...vet~~YEA I SAID VET!! WHAT YOU WANT ME TO PROVE IT? STEP THEN YOU FUCKING HOMO'S |
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