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Old 12-02-05, 02:31 PM   #1
Valiant
Human Crack in The Flesh.
 
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Posts: 840
Joined: Mar 2005
From: Tower City
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Text Record: 11-3
Young Days Bad Ways

IP: 6E36 3B76

Now listen, I gotta story to tell
about going through hell
about a boy, a girl, a nigga going through hell...Listen
Only the nigga was me
Only this nigga could see
Whatt was going on...In this nigga universal stream
He had a brother... named Jermaine
He was a gangsta...at 12 years of age
He slang tha E, cocaine and grain
To them niggas...straight by the bay
But while doing missions...in the middle grade
He had a moracco chick straight down with his game...eh
He liked her, she liked him
But she liked nigga...which was not him...yup
She liked me...an older version of him...damn
She was kinda cute...and her ass was mean
But there was one problem...she was only 13
She crept up on me...but she was only 13
I couldn't touch her, I couldn't fuck her...Plus
She was already fuckin my brother...yup
He wanted to make her his significant other
No, I wouldn't do this...to my brother
I tried to leave...she started followin
She sat me down...unzipped my pants and started shallowin
my dick, then her tongue started followin
Then opened the door
My brother swung opened the door
He dropped his digi and his bag flung open on tha floor
Rolled out his fifth...screamed "How could you do this whore?"
Then she dropped...
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Old 12-02-05, 02:42 PM   #2
47.29" of Zigs
my alliance is with ganja
 
47.29
 
Posts: 780
Joined: Mar 2005
From: gallatin mo
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IP: 44AE F596

that was tight i liked it

good use of imagry and multis and you have good story tellin presense

i actaully got into that albeit short but nonetheless

rtf on my open mic "when im gone rmx ft. robby mccallister"
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Kings
concidering that i've got compliments from girls off of rv from that pic makes me wonder where your pictures are.....

Quote:
Originally Posted by .Diabolic.
Oh and lk I got a serious question 2 ask u baby from me 2u. Will u marry me and be my wife, and the mother of my kids and all?

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Old 12-02-05, 04:07 PM   #3
noname
Coming to Kill you All
 
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Posts: 7,424
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Text Record: 43-20
Audio Record: 0-0
Graphics Record: 0-0
IP: 18C7 DE99

I liked this one right here.Completely different style from the rest of these other cats.Storyline and everything was good,easy to follow...not really bad....Except,you rhymed the same words a lot during it...so,yea..
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Old 12-04-05, 09:10 PM   #4
The Militant
www.militantmusic.com
 
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From: SAN DIEGO,KILLAFORNIA
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IP: 9BE1 4F82

this was a nice piece, good flow it was story like, rhymes are repetive at times but its cool...try makeing your lines the same length so the whole verse well have a better flow...but all around good piece
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Old 12-05-05, 09:20 PM   #5
Kawn Flixx
FUCK STROBE
 
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Joined: Aug 2003
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Text Record: 70-13
IP: 1BAE 58E9

Closed no links , pm me two links and ill re-open this
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