RapVerse.com Community
 Phenom | Kingz | Dabatos | TonySelf | Tha Q | Half Breed | Tito | 7th End RV Radio  

Go Back   RapVerse.com Community > Fresh From The Lab > Textual Releases
User Name
Password
FAQ Calendar Search Today's Posts Mark Forums Read

Reply
 
Thread Tools Search this Thread Display Modes
Old 03-22-04, 06:00 PM   #1
swank
New to RB
 
Posts: 14
Joined: Mar 2004
Status: Offline
Text Record: 0-0
Audio Record: 0-0
Graphics Record: 0-0
my first, constructive criticism plz??

IP: CBBD EEE6

just sittin in english wishin i could win this/
without reliable wack practice/
i need to learn this mathmatics/
relax its just a test and i only request/
that you take the gun away from your head/
so you can try to walk a stray from your dread/
i cant stop thinking about equalibrium/
you cant stop freaking at that stupid **** you bum/
next time i meet you, i hope i dont see you geeked too/
so sit back and rewind/
this is my first and wont be re-rhymed
  Reply With Quote
Old 03-22-04, 06:20 PM   #2
demolish
Suspended: Cheating
 
demolish's Avatar
 
Posts: 189
Joined: Feb 2004
From: chicago 26 street
Status: Offline
IP: EFAC C9D0

that was tight.
keep that shit up and youll become ill as hell.
try to have creativity in your punches.
if ya dont know what i mean go and check out my shit on open mic.
peace
  Reply With Quote
Old 03-22-04, 06:28 PM   #3
swank
New to RB
 
Posts: 14
Joined: Mar 2004
Status: Offline
Text Record: 0-0
Audio Record: 0-0
Graphics Record: 0-0
IP: CBBD EEE6

thanks meh i wrote it in english haha(wack ass class) teacher so messed up
  Reply With Quote
Old 03-22-04, 06:35 PM   #4
demolish
Suspended: Cheating
 
demolish's Avatar
 
Posts: 189
Joined: Feb 2004
From: chicago 26 street
Status: Offline
IP: EFAC C9D0

i feel you.
fuckin teachers are just fuckin takin up time check some of my shit on open mic
  Reply With Quote
Old 03-22-04, 06:59 PM   #5
swank
New to RB
 
Posts: 14
Joined: Mar 2004
Status: Offline
Text Record: 0-0
Audio Record: 0-0
Graphics Record: 0-0
IP: CBBD EEE6

anyone else???
  Reply With Quote
Old 03-22-04, 07:20 PM   #6
Gambino
....Trunks R 4 Bodies....
 
Gambino's Avatar
 
Posts: 523
Joined: Mar 2004
From: newark,NJ
Status: Offline
IP: 3240 794D

that shit was good
but you could improve on the punches but all around it was good
  Reply With Quote
Old 03-22-04, 09:49 PM   #7
swank
New to RB
 
Posts: 14
Joined: Mar 2004
Status: Offline
Text Record: 0-0
Audio Record: 0-0
Graphics Record: 0-0
IP: CBBD EEE6

thanks meh, i'm still workin on punches
  Reply With Quote
Old 03-22-04, 10:08 PM   #8
P.R.O.P.S.
New to RB
 
P.R.O.P.S.'s Avatar
 
Posts: 8
Joined: Mar 2004
From: 316 Wichita, Kansas
Status: Offline
Text Record: 0-0
Audio Record: 0-0
Graphics Record: 0-0
IP: 9016 4279

Nice shit, could be longer though, ill be on the lookout for more
__________________

P oetically
R elying
O n
P ure
S trength



90% of those who rap are easily motivated by pay/ The other 10% know there pimp juice is watered - down kool -aid

-From The Mind Of P.R.O.P.S.
Send a message via AIM to P.R.O.P.S. Send a message via Yahoo to P.R.O.P.S.   Reply With Quote
Old 03-22-04, 10:14 PM   #9
swank
New to RB
 
Posts: 14
Joined: Mar 2004
Status: Offline
Text Record: 0-0
Audio Record: 0-0
Graphics Record: 0-0
IP: CBBD EEE6

thanks i'm mostly puttin freestyles in the cypher(disses n weapons)
although i did write this one straight off the top of my head
  Reply With Quote
Old 03-22-04, 10:45 PM   #10
swank
New to RB
 
Posts: 14
Joined: Mar 2004
Status: Offline
Text Record: 0-0
Audio Record: 0-0
Graphics Record: 0-0
IP: CBBD EEE6

.......
  Reply With Quote
Reply


Thread Tools Search this Thread
Search this Thread:

Advanced Search
Display Modes

Posting Rules
You may not post new threads
You may not post replies
You may not post attachments
You may not edit your posts

vB code is On
Smilies are On
[IMG] code is On
HTML code is Off
Forum Jump



All times are GMT -4. The time now is 03:17 AM.

Powered by vBulletin.
Copyright © 2000-2004 Jelsoft Enterprises Ltd.