Round 1

10 Line Min.
20 Line Max.
Due: Monday, September 2nd.


Topic: Full Circle

__________________
<center><br>
- The End -
Original Rb Admin
And Still Watching Over You. <br> <img src=http://home.houston.rr.com/tacofox/epenis222.gif></img><br> -An Original RB Member: Yes, We're That Much Better-

In........

...........................
.............................
.............................

mi mic sounds nice check one
mi mic sounds nice check two...

addlibb I honestly wish ya the best
because when things are done like
this everyone can do nothing but rise

wishing best to you....

I guess ill be the first to attempt blessing this tournament
before everyone else does surely*..why...I dont work today....

~Full Circle~

'scream phoenix',once the chains are broken you shall
expand 'your wingtips', (child birth)~1~
emotion sickness might set in but with perscriptions it
can be extinguished, ~2~

'the past is the past get past it dont ask if' you would ever~3~
like to change the way that anythings happened ~4~
just elevate all aspects of hope floats for the future, ~5~

confirm your cordinates interact with subordinates,~6~
respect authority amongst this diaper dandy
ecosystems producers,~7~

your an oak tree be cautious of your branches
'making more friends',~8~
steel structures cant be broken down by hands of 'porcelin', ~9~

attending church services isnt 'required' just dont be a 'liar',~10~
treat your spouse right keep your mouth tight till 'post morteum', ~11~

what goes around you know the rest angels in the
outfield are 'supportive',~12~
so you can stroll through that city of love as a passionate tourist', ~13~

conserve your emotions little one existance is 'exausting', ~14~
play it safe dont let your kismet coincide with 'something costly', ~15~

now you might think im babbling on and you might remain
'unsure of me',~16~
but when you experience a childs birth you'll experience 'purity'* ~17~

~Full Circle~

*Kismet = Fate...its a synonum for fate...

I wish nothing but the best for addlibb and
everyone else taking part in this elevation process...

Tossed in rigamortis, the shroud held places,
and violently shook beyond looks of faces,
faded ever so shiveringly into the unbranded ground,
The unfounded sound, echoed..epervesintly into the background.

Amongst the rabble, unsheilded whispers roam free
unknowing to the herd, they plot against plauged disease,
Spreading the thoughts of misted missletoes in the breeze,
everknowingly making sure the locked cavity isnt set for release.

Around it sounds is aside of the cliff we hang,
Swang and shook in the wind,
We paraglided back to the feathery bottom,
and as the canvas rolled over me with great uber essence,
i asked him o describe this full circles presence.....

Both brought great skill to the table......I won't go as far as to say who is better or anything like that, but I enjoyed both pieces thoroughly. Each had a diffirent interpretation of the topic which made this all the more interesting, they also flowed quite well making this enjoyable not only for the mind and eyes, but the tongue as well. Excellent drop from both artist, g'luck to you each in the tournament.

U guyz bring hotness to tha table.Tha good vocab was stong and structure was good.I really enjoyed reading this.Keep uppin~1luv~

Er, i'm going to close this. Not supposed to give your views and opinions until the judges have. Could sway the votes. But the people running it can re-open if they don't mind it.

Also i'm editing all the replies. Sorry if this is a mistake.

^ I think it is a mistake. Let people give their opinions on it. Everyone in this tourny wants to elevate.. more feedback = more elevation. Tik, DaGyrl, and Me won't be swayed by peoples feedback..

__________________
<center><br>
- The End -
Original Rb Admin
And Still Watching Over You. <br> <img src=http://home.houston.rr.com/tacofox/epenis222.gif></img><br> -An Original RB Member: Yes, We're That Much Better-

^Yeah i guess you're right. It was mainly about people then protesting afterwards. But on the whole, it dunt matter i guess.

Both came with a lot of depth. Allowing their mind to run wild. Good use of vocab (as expected from both). And very good imagery too.

I enjoyed reading both pieces. If anything, both deserve to go through. Oh well, luck of the draw and all that.

..resp...

(Anyway you can 'un-edit' those posts End? I had saved them onto word. But for some reason, the file doesn't exist on my computer anymore...)...

yo i liked both pieces a lot, as a collab it would have been amazing, and as a battle it was reallly hard to choose a better verse coz i liked the both so much, they both flowed perfectly and both went at the topic in a way that matched their different characters,
FAVOURITE LINES:
CONTENT:'the past is the past get past it dont ask if' you would ever~3~
like to change the way that anythings happened

ADDLIB:faded ever so shiveringly into the unbranded ground,
The unfounded sound, echoed..epervesintly into the background.

props to both MC's

Hmmm Nice Verse, Content Wise .. The Structure Looks Like Ass..
Seriously, Uneven Lines, Threw Me Off Quite A Few Times Man..
Work On That And Your Verses Would Be ALOT Better




Your Content Was Alright, Structure Was Alot Better Than Contents Structure.. But Over All , In This I Feel That Content
Came Harder, More Emotional And An All Around Better Verse..

Vote: Content

First of all, I congratulate both of you for getting your verses in ON TIME, early at that..I dont know why some people find that so difficult to do but, the punctuality of you two put you in my good graces right off the bat..

Content~

:'scream phoenix',once the chains are broken you shall
expand 'your wingtips', (child birth)~1~
emotion sickness might set in but with perscriptions it
can be extinguished, ~2~

I loved what you did in this verse and repeatedly thru-out it with the symbolism, expanding of the wingtips and also the new versions of the phrases like "motion sickness" to "emotion sickness", kind of putting a new spin on a concept and really making the reader understand the sentiment with the metaphors also.

:your an oak tree be cautious of your branches
'making more friends',~8~
steel structures cant be broken down by hands of 'porcelin',

Wonderful insight, with great imagery and execution, this is one of my favorite lines of the piece, "steel structures can be broken down by hands of 'porcelin'..almost sounds like a chinese proverb or something.

:what goes around you know the rest angels in the
outfield are 'supportive',~12~
so you can stroll through that city of love as a passionate tourist', ~13~

This line coincides with what I said about line 2, the metaphor was outstanding, I just really loved the comparisons and endless connections that could be made with the "city of love" line.

I really liked the whole route you took with your piece, Content, it was kind of like a Guide Book, do's and don't's if you will, on how to live life with a little bit of Karma thrown in there. The ending was a nice final touch and ultimately contacted the theme of "full circle." You did a great job, lots of key components such as symbolism and metaphors, also you just seemed to know what you were talking about, which is always good. And although I am not making "flow" a factor in my method of judging, I always like to recognize multi's in poetry, because while some people dismiss them as only open mic criteria, it truly is more challenging to write something like this with an inner rhyme scheme, and if you can pull it off while not taking away from the poetic power of the piece, which you did, well then kudos to you.
Overall, I'm giving this piece an 8.9. Nice job.

AddLib~

I was glad you're piece was so easily distinguishable from Content's..while both centered on the same theme eventually, the process or scheme you each chose to use in accomplishing this was quite different..
While Content's verse seemed more upfront and to the point, yours seemed to me more abstract, not in any way too vague, just more figurative in general, especially in the beginning sections because you can't really appreciate or relate the deepness of the earlier stanzas until you have read the last one.

:Tossed in rigamortis, the shroud held places,
and violently shook beyond looks of faces,
faded ever so shiveringly into the unbranded ground,
The unfounded sound, echoed..epervesintly into the background.

Great imagery here, the tone is subtle but the content is at the same time intense. One thing i liked about your writing was the use of alliterations, or neighboring words with similar sounding consonants, such as "echoed epervesintly" and in the next stanza "misted mistletoes"..Great poetic element, nice to see that in there...Only complaint I had thus far in the reading was the fewmisspelled words, mostly "epervesintly"..did you mean "Effervescently "? I'm surely not going to hold it against you, it just took away from my reading a little bit, because since you used a pretty extensive vocab in this piece, I had to stop a wonder, is this word misspelled or is it just a big word I never heard of? But it wasnt in the dictionary, I checked. No real harm done, I just dont like to have to stop and question things like that when Im trying to get into a piece.

:Amongst the rabble, unsheilded whispers roam free
unknowing to the herd, they plot against plauged disease,
Spreading the thoughts of misted missletoes in the breeze,
everknowingly making sure the locked cavity isnt set for release.

This was a great bit, very nicely written with wide-ranging symbolism.

:Around it sounds is aside of the cliff we hang,
Swang and shook in the wind,
We paraglided back to the feathery bottom,
and as the canvas rolled over me with great uber essence,
i asked him o describe this full circles presence.....

I loved this last stanza. ..The whole vibe of your verse just sort of hit on a deeper, I almost want to say 'spiritual', level..which reflects greatly on your representation of the theme and the style of writing you used, which was creative and unique. I'll also commend you on your few scattered mutli's (still not factoring in my judging), just saying they didnt go unnoticed. I enjoyed reading this, you did a great job, really nicely carried out and stirring piece.
Overall, I give this piece an 8.3

Content recieves my vote since his cumulative score came out to be higher.
Both of you did a nice job, AddLib, you are a very talented writerand your skills were really a nice contribution to this tourny.
Nice job fellas.

VOTE: CONTENT

To whom it may concern:

It's not letting me poll vote cuz my "session appears to be invalid?"..so um yeah, my vote is stated above but Branden or whoever might want to do whatever it is you gotta do to make sure the winner receives the battle count..