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Ch-ch-ch-checkity check check

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Alright....

Checkity check myself, before I wreck myself

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~A Short but dangerous journey begins~

As I walk through the mist of the Night In The Street
I look above to see bats in Flight And Wings Beat
Emerging from the late evenings mist, Im at the Cemetary Gate
I have visions and hear sounds of an old Seminarys Wake

~The old gate slowly opens by itself~

My feet patter against the walk way as I move between Headstones
I can smell the stentch of rotting corpses and the sounds of Deadmoans
So Lets Go, moving throughout the clouding Fog In The Night
As I hear pounding noises I begin Jogging In Fright

~Getting the chills, my hairs stands up on my back~

I finally get to the mauselems gate, grasp the handle and Open It
My mind is shrouded death, I cant believe this is something Im Coping With
I get to a wooden coffin, covered in maggots and ingraved with the image Of A Bat
I open the door and stick my hand inside but only to find a Glove Of Rats

~Sweat is dripping from my face with every breathe I take~

As I uncover the mice and what not I see the body of a vampire Underneathe
At this point I can hear my heart beat and sounds of my own Thunder Breathes
I take the Rusty Cross from my side and Raise It Slowly
Penetrate through his chest bones while Taking It Slowly

~Black blood pours out the vampires chest~

I can hear his weak bones crack from the crosses Metal Point
The sounds of snapping cartilidge and the breaking of Brittle Joints
The cross meets the heart and blood Squirts From The Chest
Organs pour out leaving his black Shirt To A Mess

~The vampires life is no more~

I quickly pull the rusty cross out and fire Blazes From The Chest
As I hold my hand high and the cross Raises, Im The Best
Nobody was able to take him alive until I Caught Him Sleeping
And the cross stabbed his heart, death Shot Him Deeply

~Fog covers the scene~

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VOCAB- DRAMA
ENOYMENT- PROPAIN
CREATIVTY-PROPAIN
URGENCY-PROPAIN
STRUCTURE- DRAMA

OVERALL BOTH WERE SPECTACULAR IMO BUT WHAT REALLY GOT MY EDGE WAS THE URGE AND EMOTION FOR THIS..AND I THINK PROPAIN EDGED IT CUZ OF THAT

FV_ propain

{Propain}:

Nice shit man...Feeling your story...It was fun to read, and every other line made me want to keep going...Very good imagery and emotion put into this piece...Vocab was good, but could be better, but Ovrall, I was feeling it.

DQ:

Iight good piece here, imagery was decent, emotion was there, vocab was fine, but it wasnt all that interesting...I dunno, I just wasnt feeling your story...Something about it just seemed really boring, so I am giving my vote to {Propain}

V/ {Propain}

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Aight...that makes it 2-0 me

Uppin for more votes

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Vocab- DQ
Structure-DQ
Enjoyment-P
Creativity-P
Topic-both
Emotion-P

ths was a tough battle man very good from the both of u but pro had the story to it showin mo creativity to his piece but good job to both but
my vote// goes to propain

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Aight..thats a KO I guess.

Good battle and stay up.

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