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This really spoke to me.Not many people are brave enough to speak on love.
On how it really feels.I felt this way about my girlfriend before I moved.So this
came at the perfect time.Classic poem man.You got mad talent.Not many people
can relate to me.

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ok. well this is nice. good structure. heres the break down.

Every morning i wake realising a troubled day lies ahead
Slide off the cover, feel ice cold wind blowing through the open window
Slide on my t-shirt than freeze for a secound remeber what she said
Mouthed the words baby i love you, as she raised from my pillow
^^^this was s SO SO opener, not one of the UMPH type opener's. but nice emotion bieng adressed.

Kissed my cheek gently, wrapped her arms round my waist
Wisperd in my ear today would be a change all would go well
Waved and smiled like the sunshine as she brighten up the place
But today was no better and didnt go well...and that id like to tell
^^^now this had a bit of a WOW lines in it. "Kissed my cheek gently, wrapped her arms round my waist" this was nice, i like this line this was the Opener of a good lil quatrain.

Wishing of love had brought me this sight it was a full on illusion
My mind playing tricks, making me see and feel what wasnt real
Would my dream ever come true, each morning left in confusion
But why was i worried, to me happiness just wasnt a big deal
^^^damn damn damn. so nice. i like that line when it says Would my dream ever come true. damn thats what you call a play of words, that had to be a sad line. becuase that frew the reader in.

Styled my hair, attempting to improve the image of my self
Nothing seemed to work, as all my defects stood out
Tried to make things better, but was only risking my health
Id figured it out, being sad and lonely is what lifes all about
^^^. ................. not much to say except WOW. man this was deep. "Nothing seemed to work, as all my defects stood out" man this was sad. all that work and all the defects show. damn.

Id figured it out, being sad and lonely is what lifes all about
Staring in the mirror once again i spot spot the girl
Scared to look back incase her image dissapears
Looking beautiful in her dress, as she slowely gives me a twirl
^^^this is becoming mellow now becuase now you are lacking the emotion when you really should be hypening up. you should have showed more intracate emotion.

I finally gain the confidence to turn my head..she never appears
Life was treating me unfairly atleast this is how it seems
Ya see everyone else had happiness an angel sent from above
No matter what i wished happines will always be in dreams
^^^ok you redeemed yourself in a very very emotional way. "Ya see everyone else had happiness an angel sent from above
No matter what i wished happines will always be in dreams" very deep. i like this line the most.

Realising i would never be happy....only living the fantasy of love
^^^this, this, this, is the THE UMPH line, man this piece was very nice lacked some things but this was nice.

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kool. .

anymore feed please

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I like this peice. It reminds me of a certain girl that I loved alot and she did this but never meant it. .... nice... I relate to alot of this.... It just reminds me of my ex which is bad and good. thanx and keep it coming..... I'll read them I promise....

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http://community.rapverse.com/showthread.php?t=193318


thanx............................................. .........................

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