|
|
|
|
| Phenom | Kingz | Dabatos | TonySelf | Tha Q | Half Breed | Tito | 7th End | RV Radio  |
01-12-04, 12:02 AM
|
#1
|
||||
|
Eddy.
|
Graveyards.
IP: 77D5 6AAD
Graveyards. Emptyness took over... tho most times.. i was forfilled & trilled still the amount was big of tears that i spilled cause of situations,were i could'nt control the frustrations.. & complicated complications,was i made for failure in relations? Questions like that spooked around in my mind, i was so blind.. towards reality,love.. & handling complex situations of any kind.. Makes u wonder .. why did i have to taste the sweetness of joy & have to settle for that few breath moments..was it as a decoy.? Just a lesson from above,to teach me about real life & falling in love but hello there!! isnt this a little to much? i cant just walk out off.. this, the x really got me marked, & pain passed me without remark.. So yes u can say ive being teached,but a new life is what i embarked. a fresh start..with the pureness off snow, a chance for me to re grow & painting a new life precious like a van gogh,w/out the sensation of a talk-show So i closed off that capter..filled w/ pain , struggles & failure drove me close to insane.. after i closed it ,.. i tryed to look back, but i found something i cant explain.. I couldnt find it ne more, .. it was gone, dissapeard..it appeard like.. death did i closed that chapter that well?i mean, its ok , but now nothing ne more is left.. I tryed to reverse it,but to bad, just a big black hole remained still to me unexplained,.. but.. death was allready obtained & yes i played it wrong with my giving cards,& w/ regards but did i ask to look back to my memories,.. simalar as graveyards.?
__________________
Fuck you Last edited by Edicius : 01-14-04 at 02:53 AM. |
||||
  
|
|
|
01-12-04, 12:31 AM
|
#2
|
||||
|
Over Weight
|
IP: C1DA C961
ILL...
I really liked this... great vocab..along with flow in this piece... I believe you hit you topic well... though I was sure what you're aiming for... multis incorperated.. great deal of imaginery... nice piece..props...
__________________
Soft Focus Suicide Inc. RhymeVantage Def.Ill Ghost-Writers Retarded people's heads are to big..I'll be back with something just as funny as watching the Special Olympics..don't worry..
|
||||
|
|
|
|
01-12-04, 02:26 AM
|
#3
|
||||
|
Word.
|
IP: DD10 0DFF
I agree....this was a real nice peice here man...I enjoyed the read...i liked the flow in this, it was real nice....your vocab stood out in this piece i thought, it was good....You had some nice imaginary in this, i liked that....the content in this was good.....i liked the way you structured it...i also liked how you ended it, it was nice...overall this was a nice piece, it made a good read...keep at it.
|
||||
|
|
|
01-12-04, 01:06 PM
|
#4
|
||||||
|
Guest
|
IP: 927C 4CFE
yeah.......this was really good.....had the poetry feel to it, and you had a nice topic too......structure and multies were good....don't know what else to say except, very nice......
|
||||||
|
|
|
01-12-04, 01:41 PM
|
#5
|
||||||
|
Light Weight
|
IP: E8A9 7A28
I liked it, though this seemed to have a more poetic flow then how an actual rhyme would go but it was deep, I thought flow kind of fell off in a couple places but your vocab and multi's made up with it as did your wordplay.
__________________
<center><table style=filter:GLOW(color=red)>Atmosphere - inspirations of following in the footsteps of story tellin rhymes</table></center> <center>Corrupted Visions</center> <center><table style=filter:GLOW(color=black)>Giving Sight A Third Eye</table></center> |
||||||
|
|
|
01-12-04, 01:48 PM
|
#6
|
||||||
|
Guest
|
IP: 06EF 4E9D
ight dis was a solid piece 4 real man....felt it yo
jes 1 thing....the delivery cud have been better.....meaning that ur "choice of words" kinda made it not so tight.....sometimes its not what u say....its how u say it....nah mean? but shit was still a gem doe man 1 |
||||||
|
|
|
01-14-04, 02:53 AM
|
#7
|
||||
|
Eddy.
|
IP: 77D5 6AAD
U wanted vocab.. eh ..Upper..
__________________
Fuck you |
||||
|
|
|
|
01-14-04, 12:58 PM
|
#8
|
|||||||
|
1E
|
IP: 5AF5 5CA5
i agree with most...EXCEPT jbrookz.... i thought it was worded well.. with a good sense of imagery, projected thru the vocab and way you worded it... also some nice multis n shit.... but that comes as standard... tight shit....... i jus dont like the centering of the drop,,, but thats fuck all, jus my opinion..pZ...
|
|||||||
|
|
|
|
01-14-04, 01:43 PM
|
#9
|
||||
|
Banned: Spamming
|
IP: 4577 CD9A
very nice...very poetic...I can't really point out a 'flaw'..so..I'll leave at this..Ill...
|
||||
|
|
|
|
01-14-04, 04:18 PM
|
#10
|
||||
|
Eddy.
|
IP: 77D5 6AAD
Upper
__________________
Fuck you |
||||
|
|
|
|
01-14-04, 04:21 PM
|
#11
|
||||||
|
Fuck You, I'm Iller
|
IP: 843C 2CD1
Aight I'm back.
Some good imagery here... ...seemed a little too interested in vocab at a couple points but otherwise used well Good piece overall... http://www.rapbattles.com/forum/showthread.php?t=106765 ^^ Yep
__________________
<center> Did I Beat You Before? Yeah, Probably -An Original RB Member: Yes, We're That Much Better- |
||||||
|
|
|
01-14-04, 04:21 PM
|
#12
|
||||||
|
Guest
|
IP: CCBC 2938
Txt too small dawg can't read it.
|
||||||
|
|
|
01-14-04, 04:28 PM
|
#13
|
||||
|
Eddy.
|
IP: 77D5 6AAD
*Hands glasses*
__________________
Fuck you |
||||
|
|
|
|
01-14-04, 04:53 PM
|
#14
|
||||||
|
New to RB
|
IP: BE49 FF5C
Really good piece
Pros: Had excellent vocab, one the things that stood out for me at least. Had a really good flow to this, most of the lines were within 0-2 syllables apart, which is always good. Creativeness with multis and wordplay were really deep when used. The "close the chapter" line was very deep, I liked that line a lot. You also stayed on the topic well, and I liked how you included "graveyards" in the last line, which is the title. Cons: I would want to see some more wordplay, and try to stay away from the suffix "tion", although you only used it for one bar. I liked this piece a lot, very enjoyable to read, 9/10, looking forward to seeing some more from you. Please hit this up when you got the chance, much appreciated. http://www.rapbattles.com/forum/showthread.php?t=106602
__________________
Ur not wack................ I'm just better .:IJL:. reppin strong, wurdshizle |
||||||
|
|
|
01-14-04, 05:55 PM
|
#15
|
|||||||
|
-Merk Squad-
|
IP: DF7B C8F7
Great stuff Ed...
Great imagery....vast use of vocab i saw it more as a poetic piece... But it was nice...on point verse Good concept...Dope shit.. Pz. |
|||||||
|
|
 |
| Thread Tools | Search this Thread |
| Display Modes | |
|
|
Linear Mode
