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Old 02-05-06, 04:27 PM   #1
Mentor
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Never Give Up
IP: C8F2 8CC9

Never Give Up
Bring your words to life
and life to your words
quitting's despised
but giving ups worse
dont live all lies
tell the truth first
there's always time
to reveal your curse
show to peoples eyes
that your pain hurts
make them realize
your down to earth
stay expressed
through your art
get it off your chest
out of your heart
god left you blessed
he made you smart
leave it addressed
begin from the start
on your feet get up
it aint too hard
just never give up
here's the start
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Old 02-05-06, 04:29 PM   #2
Mentor
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here's my links: http://community.rapverse.com/showthread.php?t=220607
http://community.rapverse.com/showthread.php?t=219953

i know this shit dont have perfect structure but oh well, this my first poem i EVER wrote so try ta be not hatin and leave some decent feed
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Old 02-05-06, 06:28 PM   #3
atti?
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Hm, this felt more like a brief write up of pholosophies written in poetry form rather than just a poem. The whole time you were giving advice to the reader rather than tapping into YOUR real emotions. I dunno, so it really wasnt my style being as it lacked alot of nessisary emotion and imagery. But this is only your first... Keep reading other peoples poems to pick up techniques and then keep practising writing and applying the things you learn.
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Old 02-05-06, 07:19 PM   #4
Mentor
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yea werd thanx for the feed i wasnt tryin ta show MY emotion in this ur right i was giving advice i wanted ta make sumthin someone could look to when they dont know what ta do next like if they have a bad time with motivation they can look at this poem and get tempted ta express themselves but this aint a poem ta look to if u wanna see emotion...anyways thanx for the feed i'll leave a more emotional one next time
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Old 02-08-06, 02:44 PM   #5
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Short yet it had a flow that made sense to me for something with little content,

im sure a poem with a little more thought will enhance the poetical skills what you posted here
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