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01-14-04, 06:44 AM | #1 | |||||||
New to RB
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Yo... im lookin for help to elevate
IP: BCC1 F8A3
Well i got idea's and all but i don't think anythin i write or battle with is ill, ive changed style alot of times and mostly concentrated on flow, can anyone give me any comments... thankz
Ima scream out, till i cant breath out// And every single blood cell just gets up or gets downs and ''moves house''// Dam keep out, im blowing streets down with my fuckin freestyle// i aint street now....but i could be raised in a zoo and still 'keep-wild'// I slash and stabb i crush wid mad sounds, upon the crusts of crusty mantile// I'y aint alot but well, bassically how i write. |
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01-14-04, 08:33 AM | #2 | |||||||
Drop Of Genius
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IP: 17AC 3451
Firstly....fix the structure, if it aint structured out well it puts people off readin it.
It should look like this: .................................................. .................................................. .................................................. .................................................. ^^Or as close as possible to that. And also dont put // at the end of your verses....not many people like that coz it looks noobish. For the first two lines I woulda put: I'm a scream out until I cant breath out Til my bloodcells get up + move house ^^Notice the structure and no //'s Another thing would be up your vocab....but that cant be taught, just be creative. Here you have the framework for somethin dope it just needs a bit of fine tuning |
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01-14-04, 08:37 AM | #3 | ||||||
Guest
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IP: 590F A4F0
First thing is first...fix your structure, keep them all the same length and not too long.
example: Ima scream out, till i cant breath out// And every single blood cell just gets up or gets downs and ''moves house''// Dam keep out, im blowing streets down with my fuckin freestyle// i aint street now....but i could be raised in a zoo and still 'keep-wild'// I slash and stabb i crush wid mad sounds, upon the crusts of crusty mantile// what it should look like more or less: this is to make it longer....Ima scream out, till i cant breath out & every single blood cell just gets up or down & ''moves house'' Dam keep out, im blowing streets down with my fuckin freestyle aint street now but i could be raised in a zoo and still 'keep-wild' slash & stabb crush wid mad sounds, upon crusts of crusty mantile /\quick easy way to help the lengths, and remove the unneeded "//" look kid you got some potential as you are already rhyming with multies and internals...but you got to elevate i suggest reading battles from elite frontlines, and LLL dont pay attention to any herbs in FL or EFL also go and take a gander at the tutorials...they should help you immensely |
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01-14-04, 09:00 AM | #4 | |||||||
New to RB
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IP: BCC1 F8A3
Thanks alot, ive checked the tutoralls and they good, another thing im a bit confused is how i could change the rhyme, i find that everything thing i try just messes the flow...
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01-14-04, 10:08 AM | #5 | ||||||
Guest
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IP: 590F A4F0
/\expand on that explain it better i dont know what you are talking about
how you change the rhyme??? what in the hell does that mean? |
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01-14-04, 02:47 PM | #6 | |||||||
New to RB
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IP: E6B0 8E44
Well, i mean..... at the end of this bar i wanna start off a different rhyme (ending different) but everything i try just messes the flow up, sorta like
i aint street now....but i could be raised in a zoo and still 'keep-wild' I slash and stabb i crush wid mad sounds, upon the crusts of crusty mantile XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX hot-rocks XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX heart-stops Like that, but i cant think of how to link it better X - words |
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01-14-04, 03:30 PM | #7 | ||||
Banned: Spamming
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IP: 4577 CD9A
LM and emerge said everything..I wanted to say..but..too lazy to type out..LOL~
stop freeposting in my forum...help otheres while you are here -Emerge Last edited by Emerge : 01-14-04 at 04:50 PM. |
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01-14-04, 07:12 PM | #8 | ||||||
Guest
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IP: E1C6 1236
All i can suggest apart from what EMERGFE and the other cat said, is to just work on structure, whish will take care of flow.
Think up more DIRECT punches that diss your opponent, alot of newbs have punches that don't even diss their opponent. Use personals, about the person, these are mostly always original. PM me if want any other help[, or hit me up on AIM: Bkast00 pce |
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01-15-04, 12:39 PM | #9 | |||||
Banned: Compromised Account
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IP: A044 7DA1
find personals about the person and tie those into ya punches...they make your punches harder
make sure you punch is directed at the person, i see some people and it just is out there, not directed at all...therefor it dont hit and isnt a good punch work on ya struct too i aint street now....but i could be raised in a zoo and still 'keep-wild' I slash and stabb i crush wid mad sounds, upon the crusts of crusty mantile wild and mantile dont rhyme...make sure that your ending words rhyme your lines are stretched also...cut them down, it throws the flow off anything else you dont understand or need help wit? pm me or hit me up on aim aim - Potent Prospect |
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01-15-04, 01:16 PM | #10 | |||||||
New to RB
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IP: E6B0 8E44
Dam this helped me alot, but the bars i put up wasn't meant for battlin more of a verse to do audio wid or something, ima clear up my struture and put more vocab in, thanks again.
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