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07-10-06, 04:11 AM | #1 | ||||||
Above Originality
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Willnova vs. Pakaveli
IP: D40E 67D5
Ok so it's week 3. You must drop a minumum of 16 lines and try and keep the amount of lines even ish.
If you are unsure about the rules then click here ok. check in by thursday drop by sunday voting ends tuesday write to your own topic
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Chryme Syndicate
-Chalkin' Up Your Future |
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07-10-06, 04:12 AM | #2 | ||||||
Above Originality
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IP: D40E 67D5
The Chosen Guidance Vision shrouded by the many lies of contented men Glorified many scenarios of luck giving praise to Zen But don’t you see the atrocity the malfunctioned lives That were affected by the lies told in tales of old wives The frail form of function to injunction the attractions That were placed on conceptions formed by contraptions That were created by men yet told as if made by Gods Yet one day they will all crumble on weather worn sods . Still the man believes benefactors will guide his ways He sways yet believes the Gods will cut through the haze The metallic sheen of a lacklustre tin tinted heart Ticks away and never displaces the view on the worldly art Never understood therefore, he ridiculed the theory of fate He aggravated the beliefs on faith and thought of no blissful state So when God took vengeance and unlatched the avenger of deaths The first to die were the men who challenged God in all their breaths . They were guided by the technological Gods of machines Never understood the mythical fogs only believed in neon beams this is pakaveli's drop so will nova your turn. by today you have to drop
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Chryme Syndicate
-Chalkin' Up Your Future |
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07-10-06, 01:38 PM | #3 | |||||||
Middle Weight
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IP: A4CF F964
guess I'm checkin in again, I'll write my verse later today......
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Lyrical Rapsody |
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07-10-06, 06:23 PM | #4 | |||||||
Middle Weight
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IP: A4CF F964
pages of remedy
guidance subsidin in writings that enlighten heightened inditings so strinking and enticing advice towards vices, healing for our crisis King James licensed binding of letters sold priceless sightless given knowledge, captives un-bondage fawning a sense of calming from the one I pay homage prominent involvment for immanent preservation in pages arrainging from genesis to revelations authenticated aspiration reigning in situation. over pegans plaguing the world wit mis-interpretation valued relation, the words showing manifestation promotin patient knowing God is always adjacent accept no immitation, science of medicine is malevolent its evident that the source of life can only be relevant elegance in three benevolent sources to form the trinity the energy towards divinity comes from the pages of remedy
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Lyrical Rapsody Last edited by Silent. : 07-10-06 at 08:41 PM. |
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07-10-06, 08:40 PM | #5 | ||||||
Above Originality
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IP: AFAB DA78
its ok ill edit it together....
and uh i killed those lines cus its wack my dude so good luck ill vote later
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Chryme Syndicate
-Chalkin' Up Your Future |
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07-10-06, 09:49 PM | #6 | |||||||
New to RV
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IP: 31CB E68E
Nice verse WIll, G/L
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07-12-06, 04:27 AM | #7 | ||||||
Above Originality
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IP: D40E 67D5
uh ...my vote goes to paka....more complex, more depth in emotion and vocaba nd story telling..nova dropped good but i felt that paka came more interesting and he caught my eye right away!...
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Chryme Syndicate
-Chalkin' Up Your Future |
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07-12-06, 05:07 PM | #8 | |||||
Beginning Your Ending
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IP: F373 74A3
I felt that Pakavelli dropped better. He had a more complex (if a little played) concept and followed it up quite well. Willnova you've improved a lot since your first battle and are now using multies very well. However, I felt in your verse you used too many and focused on the flow rather than the content and imagery. There wasn't much complexity in your verse and that let your piece down. Also you came with some very obvious and bland lines such as:
Quote:
I mean that was stating the obvious to the extreme and made your piece looks fairly newbish. Quote:
That was nice by Pakavelli, but the wording could have been better. The rhyme scheme in his piece was dry at times and that stunted the flow. But I felt he won because his piece was more complex and better executed. V/ Pakavelli Last edited by Appocolyptik : 07-12-06 at 05:11 PM. |
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07-12-06, 05:12 PM | #9 | |||
Beginning Your Ending
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IP: F373 74A3
Pakavelli wins 2-0
Closed |
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