I was just sitting alone in my room with the phone removed.
in the dark lonely tomb I call home, enclosed in my gloom.
In deep thought of lost loves and the pain that it brings.
Angels insanely sing songs of sorrow in never-chaingin strings.
On the edge close to madness, on the ledge frozen hapless.
In deep thought of lost loves, ash-brown and thrown in caskets.

SIMONE

I wish to hold you forever more and explore your eyes,
to weather more pain together under rain coarsin skies.
The lovely SIMONE languishing on lilipads of light-hearted life,
lead to the grave by a short-sighted God rippin apart with a knife.
Jealous of our love, HE took her from me in a wintery gale.
Freezing her brown skin pale and leaving her limbs withered and frail.

oh, simone

I could only implore to the wall as I called from the depths of my soul.
Hoping to lay with her pale form to get warm in the death of her cold.

When all of a sudden, at my door, there was a sudden percussion.
and I paused enough for my soul and death to quit their discussion.
In the darkness of madness, I called out with a shiver,
envisioning corpses hoarding my door, broken and dismemebered.
Their life's blood enriching the mud, bones under rotted flesh.
Their skin slipping off their shape and covered in spotted specks.

"Who's at my door," I implored, not sure what I would hear.
And full moon pierced my room's gloom, I steadied my ears.
And with no response, I walked to the door shakin my head
free of childish dreams of goblins and the walkin dead.
I opened the door, sayin "My bad man, I was just scared..
All by myself and all", but the only answer was the air.

I closed my door thinkin, must be the trick or treaters.
And calmed my soul from being dissolved into revolving seizers.
But then I heard the percussion at my door frame once again...
"I'm sorry friend," I cried at him, "Didn't see you just then."
But when I opened the door, I only confronted the wind
And I wondered what creatures were coaxing my soul into sin.

Just then, a Raven fluttered into my room, giving me a start.
Shockin my heart into illogical rhythms almost breaking apart.
The bird landed by a framed picture sitting silent on my dresser.
Of a sexy Simone, smooth as leather on the first day I met her.
I smiled at the radient bird, maybe a harbinger of hope.
"My friend," I suddenly spoke, "Please, give me one qoute.
One fuckin reason why I shouldn't slit my throat to the bone.
Shall I die right here, and now, how will it be?"

...all alone

With it's response i was amazed at a bird that could speak.
But it's answer was not of hope and all my nerves went weak
"My friend," I asked, "surely you didn't hear my plea!
Isn't there something the short-sighted GOD told you to tell me?
Will my soul ever be accompanied by real love in my home?
My friend, how will will I live.." I asked, the answer...

..all alone

I turned in disgust, my heart givin birth to mistrust
of a God that could murder a virginal love with a ferverous thrust
"Surely," I said softly to myself, "he wants to apologize..
For the pain and anguish he's sent me from his thrown in the skies?
What does he want me to do with a heart as hardend as stone
How does he expect me to live," the bird answered

...all alone

"I DIDN'T ASK YOU!!" I screamed madly, with tears in my eyes.
I didn't ask for your propehcy, an evil novelty in diguise!!"
You tell lies! You couldn't know me, you don't live in my bones!!!
Tell me then, how do I feel now?" The answer came

...all alone

"LIAR!!" I screamed to the heavens, "The truth isn't in you!!
Get away from my picture!! Leave and pick another venue!!
Where you can perform Satan's song in sadistic tones
You and YOUR GOD leave me now, so I can truely be..."

...all alone

"STOP SAYING THAT, IT'S NOT TRUE!!" I wailed, "I'll be happy again!
And I'll see Simone sing songs of celabratory win over sin!
I know this to be true, I feel it in the depths of my bones!!"
I will see this place bird, and when I'm there, I'll be...

...all alone

I fell to my knees alone in my room with the phone removed
in the dark lonely tomb I call home, enclosed in my gloom
And there I stayed, with the lights off, picturing death,
and the brown skin of my lost love and the misery left.
And the bird remains, still beside my picture of her.
Repeating everytime I forget...those two little words.
Trombones play in the night, the moonlight vibrantly shone...
While I am cursed to live my life inside my mind, forever alone...

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this was pretty dope, excpet it's a topic from the Raven by Poe. I think you did that on purpose though, just kidna like a remake. i wish you added maybe a different twist at the end, just not like the one by Poe. but he repetitions were good, and i liked hte iamgery it showed very nicely,a nd i liked the whole raven symbolism.
nice job

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aBBoTtiZZeR

Thanx....

uppin for more feedback...

Gh05t!...

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this was good man, nice story in here

When all of a sudden, at my door, there was a sudden percussion.
and I paused enough for my soul and death to quit their discussion.

^nice, .. try to se more multis, tho.. makes it even more better to read, & u need to up vocab on some places, but other than that this was a nice read, good story..nice concept, .. keep it up !... =)

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Fuck you

This was a dope piece. Like edicius said.. Multis really enhance your verse as long as they aren't forced and they flow good. Vocab could be upped a bit in parts like Ed said. All in all this was a dope concept.. great story and you could tell you took your time on this one. Stay up.

-Token

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Respect is all I'm after.
Prime effort is all you can expect.
Perfection will be promised in time.

The Creation

Thanx.....Uppin....

HoLLa...

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Damn that shit was the illest shit I read on this site so far dawg. I t was pretty deep.

When all of a sudden, at my door, there was a sudden percussion.
and I paused enough for my soul and death to quit their discussion

Thats some deep shit my nigga. It's almost as if you stop breathing and and the only thing that exist was that door. Like you must have thought it was ya chick or something. Naw im just bullshittin but it was ill man mad props.

damn thiz was ill good shyt long azz hell but it was worth it stay up mayne 1
The creation is that a crew cuz if it is i want in 1

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~~Evil Thoughtz~~

~~Free Agent~~

~~39W/3L/24Ko~~