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Checkin In........... G'Luck Lady Fiya

checking................ good luck to you too..

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....im impressed....get @ me on AIM = Acuity2k5

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Hes mine!

dont do it Brian!

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“The time will come in our lives where our souls return to it’s solid rest.
Peace, a common word, is what no dictionary can define in terms of death.”
-Lady Fiya

An ‘04 Mustang cruising on the highway.... he was on his way
Home from college vacation and that occasion was winter break
All of his personal belongings were stationed perfectly in a suitcase
aside him as he drives on the E-way, his friend went a separate way
Bright lights flickered thru his rearview mirror.. “Impatient drivers!”
He says to himself as he switch to the left lane, his path got lighter
Quickly turning his back to view the drunken man swerving left
Then right, to avoid the coin toss of a bad outcome, he had sped
Tires screeching, he’s not worryin cuz nothing flashed before his eyes
Then his abdomen split, his diaphragm took the breath out his life
What could he do? The airbag was jammed in his neck, abrasions
on his face, which was in the same direction of the crash, he faced it

Not too long, after this common tragedy did an ambulance arrive
Months and months pass and many others confront, his family’s dying
Of grief and disbelieve that someone so close perishes and remotely
every time I hear that story, he told me in my ear, I space out coldly
He took me to his purgatory twice, invited me to take away his sins
And place a bid on up or down, I reminisce how his coin musta flipped
And God forbid the gates to open to him, cuz he wouldn’t walk around
So lonely, so down as if he was inside my body, he was lost never found
And what do I do now, just move on like the spirit has been keep silent
Well my eyes stay lit, it’s quit surprising, your sweet tone becomes violent
And ready to rise up against the Almighty.. Couldn’t YOU give him a chance
And not issue a permanent purgatory, his sins were just too much to stand
So in return I give you mine, this is your child, your divine one, Heavenly
I ask of nothing more than to give him back all of what you keep given me
I’d trade spots easily, combine every sin he has with mine, I always repent
Make this worth your time, he’s my blessing can you give me your consent
Cuz as of that day, I looked at the Bible sideways, I never dreamed paradise
Could exist and his life drawn more shock then blood and tears in my eyes
But I see you have ignored your one child, I continue to question your power
You can take lives away but never bring them back, when I asked for hours
You said I shall receive, it’s the minutes ticking away til my death, I plead
And remain on my knees til you show me the reason, my mouth’s ur to feed
I’m not concerned on the preachers decision to not give him Catholic burial
If Heaven's a paradise when he died, he shoulda had a seat next to you…

Good Luck.

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I dunno bout time zones or nothing, mine is in GMT+2 and if I count it out she dropped in time so...

VOTE

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Paroxysm:

Great verse. You are definately a dope topical writer. Your emotion was perfect, imagery was good. You were very creative, yet kept it simple enough to be a great piece. Vocabulary was good, as was your wordplay. I liked how you mused alot of multies. Not many people can get away with doing that in topicals but you did it well. Great piece.

Overall: 9.4/10


Lady Fiya:

You also had a good drop. Your emotion was good as was your imagery. You were creative and wrote this topic very well. Your imagery stood out the most for me though, it was everywhere. Which is good, you stayed on topic and dropped a good piece.

Overall: 8.8/10


Vote: Paroxysm

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RV's Only 3 Time Topical Tourney Champion

Paroxysm- I'm Impressed. This was good verse. Had vocab balanced in your piece. The Imagery was very well portrait in every detail. In my opinion the best aspect in your verse was the "Imagery". You had a Bit of emotion, but I suggest to you to use more. Metaphors and Similies is much needed in your verse to expand the complex in the imagery, so you wont have to put down much detail, but more of a clear vivid portrait. I like this Decent Verse.

Lady Fiya- You had a "Knowing" Verse, someone going to die in heaven lost paradise, which is Ok concept, but be very much more creative than that, go beyond. Anyway's You had a good verse imagery was good. The Emotion was there, but not that much. The best aspect in your verse was "Imagery". The style you took was a "Story-Like", but Kinda not original concept though.


Overall- My Vote goes to Paraoxysm, he had a good verse, very much a better concept, better imagery (Very Detailed). Lady fiya you had a good verse, but the imagery wasn't very much detailed like paraoxyms, also I didnt like the concept you took, wasn't very much creative. V/ Paraoxysm.

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mystery Is a Freak!!

ITawAPuddyKat: Yeah, I guess. But I won't be a Lesbo for life.
Smartone Freal: oh so u DO have plans of turnin str8
ITawAPuddyKat: Well Yes, Yes I do.
Smartone Freal:
ITawAPuddyKat: Lol, all smiles aren't we? Lol
Smartone Freal: lol yea i cant hide what i think bout u
Smartone Freal:
ITawAPuddyKat: ...Oh, what DO you think about me? Lol
Smartone Freal: lol sorry thats private
ITawAPuddyKat: EWWWWWWW..*Sigged*

Paroxysm

Excellent piece. First of all I love the concept you went with and the overall approach you took to this topic. Your writing style is captivating for it seems so simple yet has such a poetic vibe over it. The flow was good because you had rather short lines and the multies were consistent, internal rhyming blended in nicely. The vocab was on point: not too basic and not too complex either. Good creativity combined with pure emotion and strong imagery, you managed to really get inside reader's mind and keep them focused throughout the entire piece. Props...


~Lady Fiya~

Maybe not as creative as Paroxysm's approach but still worked out very nicely. The storyline you went with was interesting and allowed you to combine imagery and emotion quite easily. Which you managed very good as well, the first part was strongest on imagery where as the second part had such a pure emotion. You kept consistent with strong and insightful lines, I didn't so much feel a poetic vibe but more a serene yet at the same time powerful vibe from your piece. Made me think about some stuff throughout your lines which is always a good thing. Flow was kinda off here and there but overall okay. Vocab was on point as well.

In the end, my vote goes to Paroxysm because I felt his approach a bit more and the poetic feeling his piece had. LF, nice piece as well, good storyline so no hate...

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