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| Phenom | Kingz | Dabatos | TonySelf | Tha Q | Half Breed | Tito | 7th End | RV Radio  |
07-25-08, 12:17 AM
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#1
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A Life Of Chryme
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Total Devistation
IP: 934F A17A
This is a piece from one of my battles on RB.
Total Devistation . . . The Beginning... It's set with a tone unheard by most of the other clans Motherland rescued not! we're slow but running scared Safe to say humans arent right. They're quite beligerant Opening each box for the truth, which one is it hidden in? Forbidden skin, walking on the surface; rules are broken The truth is open we Will fight for life! Youth has spoken Move this notion, Good verse Evil this news is significant Evil has risin in.Lost for words.Courage,Need a big lift of it Good is moving quick. Coming fast, humans are losing it God is choosing it, war now! Earth land,we are abusing it . . . The Good... Good is ready fast, God did work and knows his steady facts Evil rises many flags, but good is great n looks for any cracks Disguised in many masks, they stay on the top of the steeple For god did not call upon angels, he sacrafices todays people It stays equal, no hesitation, arms his men with guns and knives Even sons and wives, God will take you, just grab a gun and fight He is sincere with his choices, gets rabbits to use and decoy with Church music to annoy with, Army ready it's time to deploy ship Ready to destroy lids, battle time they meet at the center earth Fighting Evil and weather, nothing better than decembers worst . . . The Evil... Evil has set the pace, The Devil works within his mischief Summoning Demons, Ghouls, and the lost souls that fit in Diminishing hope of God with weapons of mass destruction Kill Everyone in our way; Thats the devils only instruction They work hard, set with armor and weapons. Time to travel Minds to scrabble,They go hard and rise beneath the gravel No speach is made, just looks of hate and determination They are set to fight, whether or not they deserve the nation Forming lines of soldiers, They hide fast behind the boulders His heart is colder, and will do anything to win when its over . . . The Battle... Battle begins, Humans falling faster than the wall in Berlin Reaching within, as it looks now Evil is set for the sure win It's urgent, the humans have no affect with their weapons, I Six Billion fight,Evil slaughter, now humans have five left alive They are swept aside, with no emotion nothing left for pride Leg's are fried, but the humans fight back and they do collide Somethings not right! smiles? this is beyond total devistation A little rest is takin,the two left are on the road to celebration God has takin away life, and the Devil damned it forever Clever! Though now they are trapped! on the world TOGETHER! . . . The End...
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A LIFE OF CHRYME |
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07-25-08, 12:26 AM
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#2
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A Life Of Chryme
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IP: 934F A17A
http://community.rapverse.com/showt...d=1#post3224077
http://community.rapverse.com/showt...d=1#post3224076
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A LIFE OF CHRYME |
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07-25-08, 12:46 PM
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#3
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A Life Of Chryme
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IP: 934F A17A
im so happy people leave feed!
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A LIFE OF CHRYME |
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07-26-08, 10:35 AM
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#4
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A Life Of Chryme
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IP: 934F A17A
dont you all jump at once jeez guys relax!
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A LIFE OF CHRYME |
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08-09-08, 02:56 PM
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#5
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New Jack
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IP: C5F9 BA42
This piece was composed descent. It wasn't bad at all, but I believe the wording and vocab usage could be inserted a little better to bring out the overall depth of the piece. I felt at times you kinda forced in a rhyme schema because you couldn't think of something to rhyme with the previous line. Other than that, this is an okayish piece....
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LPMNDCTE The B.E.S.T. Crew .................. |
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08-09-08, 04:36 PM
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#6
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A Life Of Chryme
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IP: 934F A17A
thanks for the honest feed...man
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A LIFE OF CHRYME |
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08-11-08, 09:55 AM
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#7
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~SAINT SINNER~
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IP: 61C0 7C7E
Quote:
^^^really close to what i was thinking. d, i am sorry that i didn't get to your piece sooner bruh...i am a busy cat. all apologies fam. the pro's: overall the piece was enjoyable. the story was cool. it was entertaining enough that it drew me in and kept me interested enough to want to complete the necessary reading. you incorporated some nice multi's. you were pretty descriptive throughout the drop. your structure was pretty much dead on. vocab was cool...though i would've liked to have seen you push yourself a little more. the cons: you were descriptive enough in the piece...that it made other parts seem more vague in a few areas (if that makes any sense to you). some of the spelling was off...which isn't too huge of a deal. some of the work did seem forced out in regards to bit pieces of the wording/concepts used within it. it also seemed like you rushed the development and ending a little. as far as standard open mic's are concerned, this is a good piece my crhymie. realistically, you could probably fine tune it in a couple of minutes and get a lot more out of it...but even if you decide to leave it as is, it is still a pretty nice read and worthy of more attention/feedback than the site seems to be offering you at this point in time. i'll make sure to bump this for you a few extra times to try to steer some additional responses this way for ya. don't let it (the lack of interaction right now) get you too down homie. we are here for you fam. d: you have talent my man (no homo)...that is clear to me. just make sure to push yourself when you get comfortable.  word.one love... ...the super, big bad crhyme sin '08
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Quote:
 QUESTION: Is it even possible to improve upon perfection??? ANSWER: CRHYME SINDICATE  "I remember this one time I thought I was wrong........but I was mistaken." -Unknown  R.I.P. Jonathan "ONE MAN BAND/TERUMOTO" Nigro. Goodbye brother. God bless the dead. One love. |
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08-12-08, 05:49 PM
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#8
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A Life Of Chryme
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IP: 934F A17A
thanks fam..really appreciate it!
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A LIFE OF CHRYME |
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08-12-08, 06:15 PM
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#9
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~SAINT SINNER~
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IP: 61C0 7C7E
not a problem my crhymie.
esvee, cee-ess
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Quote:
QUESTION: Is it even possible to improve upon perfection??? ANSWER: CRHYME SINDICATE "I remember this one time I thought I was wrong........but I was mistaken." -Unknown R.I.P. Jonathan "ONE MAN BAND/TERUMOTO" Nigro. Goodbye brother. God bless the dead. One love. |
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