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| Phenom | Kingz | Dabatos | TonySelf | Tha Q | Half Breed | Tito | 7th End | RV Radio  |
08-03-08, 08:32 PM
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#1
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Make A Change
IP: 1838 762D
Like breakin a dollar we need to make change The greed needs to be contained if were to be unchained They ain't learned their lesson In the great depression now again they got us stressin When will this mess end will Obama bring a change I hope to see it in my visual range Hope were not following false prophets, hope he'll stop it Gas prices ain't droppin they keep driving but we ceasing Decision to make go for a cruise or keep eating The commute to work ain't worth it Make 50 but spend 10 so whats the purpose Come home to an empty fride and crying kids Wife ready to split says she's sick of this shit Honey we in the same basket all i ask is That you stay this will pass if, we stick together A change gone come it'll all be better I promise on this day I'll make a, I'll make a change Its gone come keep your head up Gas rabbits'll let up once they stop seeing the lettuce Greed in their eyes every car on the road symbolizes dollar signs But I'm hybrid can't live in this environment Let me guide you invite you in to an altered universe No ambition left in young souls and I know it hurts How can you prosper in the spotlight of that helicopter Fast cash don't last suit and tie had to do it proper Quit, had to give up the game Gotta live up to the name, quick Lavish make a change I'll leave links later just gotta search for them no time I got some money to make.
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THE TRUTH IS I'M BETTER THAN YOU |
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08-04-08, 07:06 AM
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#2
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IP: 7A64 1885
Sorry for not being able to post links this is from my phone once again. But I left feed on:
Kirk-This Old Town Charisma-Failure to Launch
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THE TRUTH IS I'M BETTER THAN YOU |
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08-04-08, 01:55 PM
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#3
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Thank You, Come Again
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IP: 4E8C 6C2D
Ehh.. alright
you need to fix the flow.. it seems as if you were trying to occasionally throw in big words or make a point. Some of it was a hard read because your sintax.. punctuation helps alot. Make sure you read over it. But Good job. In the end, think your stuff out, clarify it, and don't rush development. If you rush it.. the emotion won't fully hit the reader nor will the desperation. Take your time, hone your craft, good looking
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08-07-08, 05:45 AM
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#4
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Out-Spoken
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IP: AA7B EBA8
huh.....this piece would be much better if you had a little more organization...this was all over the place..it's really hard to get into when theres not really any transition from one idea to the next....and then it goes back to the idea from before...it jumps here..and jumps back...and then jumps somewhere else completely....imagery wasn't really that great....message wasn't that profound or thought provoking...and technically..you could use a lot of work.
however...you're head is in the right place...and i see a good ammount of potential..keep workin at it...and you'll be dropping gems in no time.
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Seek & Destroy We have fun in my basement Time is not long, and indecision is hells cemment. So the well is rented, untill heaven is relevant. Untill then, to be eloquent, sex cells, so le'ts cellibate. "watch what you watchin...fox keeps feedin' us toxin's..stop sleepin' start thinkin outside of the box and unplug from the matrix doctrine....but watch what you say cause big brother is watchin" - nas - sly fox The I.H.C.J.S.F.M.T.R.H.P.M.M.W.T.S.M.S.I.T.F.F.W.A.S. O Crew
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08-07-08, 11:51 AM
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#5
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IP: 0231 9D33
Thanks for the feedback i'ma definitly work on this piece and throw an Obama speech in the begining then do it Acappella Nas style like that track from the Hip Hop is Dead album.
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THE TRUTH IS I'M BETTER THAN YOU |
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